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T*ts Hard To Think When The Weather’s Nipply

, , , , | Right | May 9, 2008

Customer: “Can I get a chicken sandwich?”

Me: “Sure. Which bread would you like it on?”

Customer: “Chicken.”

Me: “…Uh, okay, but which bread?”

Customer: “Chicken.”

Me: “Sir, which bread would you like?”

Customer: “CHICKEN!”

Me: *pointing at the bread* “Bread!”

Customer: “Oh, bread! I thought you were saying breast.”

(I don’t know whether to hate my accent or the types of customers we get late at night.)


This story is part of the Chicken roundup!

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Good, Because Ms. BSOD Gets Really Cranky

, , , | Right | May 9, 2008

Tech Support: “What software are you using to backup?

Customer: “Ms. Dos.”

(The customer spoke like it was a person, like Mr. Dos or Mrs. Dos.)

Tech Support: “What, are you just copying the files with the xcopy or copy command?”

Customer: “Oh, no. I use Ms. Backup for that!”

Honey, You Don’t Know The Half Of It

, | Right | April 27, 2008

(I was helping out a fellow co-worker by serving about three people at of her tables some decaf. At this point, the pitcher was half full.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can get for you?”

(The customer takes a sip of the decaf, makes a face, and SPITS IT OUT all over the table.)

Old Man: “Excuse me!”

Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Old Man: “You’re almost out of coffee. Do you know what this means?”

Me: “…that I have to make another pot?”

Old Man: “I taste coffee bean residue in here. I require that you give me another pitcher.”

Me: “No problem, sir…”

(I go and fetch the other decaf pitcher, which is also half full.)

Me: “Will this one do, sir?”

Old Man: “What is with you people trying to give me the bottom of the pitcher? I’M NOT A BOTTOM MAN!”

(I immediately ran back to the kitchen and laughed for about 10 minutes.)

Time To Move The Bodies In The Backyard

, , | Right | April 23, 2008

Dog Owner: “Yeah, my Golden Retriever keeps bringing things back to me. Do you know why?”

Trainer: “Well, ma’am, what’s the second word in the breed’s name?”

Owner: “Uh… retriever?”

Trainer: “That would be why.”


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When All Else Fails, Use Big Words

, , , , , , | Right | April 22, 2008

(I had a call from an elderly client who was having issues with her satellite receiver. After troubleshooting the issue as much as we possibly could I informed the customer that I’d need to send out a new receiver.)

Me: “Okay, so we’ll simply ship that out. I can overnight that and have it to you first thing tomorrow morning.”

Customer: “Tomorrow!? I need it RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “I understand where you’re coming from, but there’s no way for me to possibly do that.”

Customer: “HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE SEVENTY YEARS OLD AND CONFINED TO YOUR HOUSE WHERE YOUR ONLY SOURCE OF ENTERTAINMENT IS THE TV!?”

Me: “I do apologize for your current plight, but unfortunately we currently lack the technology to transmogrify things through space and time. With that in mind, we are, unfortunately, required to use the most current means of shipping. That being FedEx. Would you like that at nine in the morning or ten?”

Customer: *after a brief pause* “Ten. Thank you.”