My dad traveled to Japan a while ago from the USA. When he was at a restaurant, he wanted to order fish.

He asked if some fish they had were wild fish or farm fish. In the US, some fish are caught in the wild, and some are from fish hatcheries where they were fed and raised for consumption.

His waitress didn’t know what my dad meant, and after a while she brought her manager.

My dad asked again whether the fish were wild-caught or farmed. The conversation went on for a few minutes.

After a while, the manager smiled and talked to the waitress in Japanese. Although my dad can’t speak Japanese, the conversation’s meaning was clear due to hand gestures.

The manager told the waitress that the stupid American was asking whether the fish were grown in dirt on farms (pretending to swing a garden rake and other farming motions), or if the fish were hunted in the wild by cowboys (as he pretended to throw a lasso)!

The waitress and manager both had a good laugh about that. My dad just ordered the fish.

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(My husband and I are on vacation. We’ve come to a fishing village to spend a week fishing. We also intend to catch mud crabs, as my husband has never eaten real crab before.)

Husband: “I want to go on some photography expeditions. I think we can get some nice photos here.”

Me: “My goal is to catch crabs.”

Husband: “You really like crab, hey?”

Me: “I just really want to give you crabs.”

Husband: “You want to give me crabs?”

Me: *pause* “Wait! No! Not those type of crabs. I want you to taste crab.”

Customer: “…and then I want a pound of the Denzel Washington ham.”

Me: “Uh… Excuse me?”

Customer: *pointing* “The Denzel Washington ham! This one!”

Me: “You mean the [brand name that starts with a D and W] ham?”

Customer: “YES! I already said it! The Denzel Washington ham! What are you, stupid or something?!”

(I have recently moved to Singapore from the USA and brought a small electric drill with me. The voltage in the USA is 110, and in Singapore it’s 220, so I know I can’t plug the drill into the wall or it will burn out. I stop at a local hardware store and speak to the elderly owner:)

Me: “Uncle, you got sell transformer ah?”

Shop Owner: “Got, got.”

(He came back out with a DVD with giant robots on the cover.)

(My husband and I are discussing a poor behaviour our puppy is exhibiting.)

Husband: “I mean, if we don’t nip it in the butt—”

Me: “HA! Did you just say, ‘Nip it in the butt’?! It’s ‘bud.’ ‘Nip it in the bud.’”

Husband: “What?” *laughing* “No, let me finish.”

Me: *laughing* “Oh, my gosh. ‘Nip it in the butt.’”

Husband: “What does ‘nip it in the bud’ even mean?”

Me: “I think it has something to do with flowers.”

Husband: *not convinced* “I think it’s ‘nip it in the butt.’”