(I’m in Spanish class, and my teacher is having us form words into grammatically correct Spanish sentences.)

Teacher: *pointing to some words with a picture of a girl blowing bubbles with a bubble wand* “This sentence should translate to, ‘She blows them.'”

When I was in high school Spanish class, we had progress sheets that we would mark every day. They used one- and two-letter codes, depending on what we had done that day: “ME” (“mucho esfuerzo,” much effort) for going above and beyond in class; “V” (“voluntario,” volunteer) for volunteering, A (“ausente,” absent) if we weren’t in class that day, and PP (“poca participacion,” little participation) for doing poorly in class. The word for, “give yourself,” in Spanish is “date,” (pronounced “DAH-tay”), so the teacher would say “Date [Mark]” to students who had earned a certain mark.

He told us of one time when he wrote the phrase out on the board in order to tell a student to give themselves an “ME” mark. When he realized he’d written, “DATE ME,” on the board, both he and the student were embarrassed. At least they got a good laugh out of it.

(I work in a help desk environment, and the majority of the calls we get are for password reset.)

Me: “Help desk. [My Name] speaking.”

Caller: “Yes, I need my password reset, please. I can’t remember it.”

(I take the user’s details and provide her with a new password.)

Me: “The password is the name of the company you work for.”

Caller: “How do I spell that?”

(My nurse is going over some basic questions whilst taking my blood pressure.)

Nurse: “And we’re not a smoker, are we? You don’t smoke.”

Me: “Uh, yes. Wait, no. Wait, yes. Hang on… I don’t know how to respond to that! I don’t smoke. That is my answer.”

Nurse: “Yeah, you’re right, actually. I should probably learn to phrase that better!”

(I volunteer some time at an op shop in my hometown, and I work with a great group of people. I do a range of tasks while working there; the duties on this particular day are focused on tagging clothes so we can get them priced and out on the shop floor. I’ve been working on tagging what we label “bottoms” for ladies: skirts, shorts, pants, and so on. After a while, I wind up working on the register, but since business is slow this day, I decide to get some more stock sorted. I finish a few minor items before calling out to the manager and a couple of fellow volunteers, who all happen to be female. I proceed to create this little gem because my brain moves faster than my mouth.)

Me: “Can I pinch…” *brief mental hiccup* “…what I was working on earlier? The ladies’ bottoms?” *brief pause* “OH, MY GOD, THAT CAME OUT WRONG!”

Manager: *thinks for a minute then starts laughing, as do the others*

(I deserved the good-natured ribbing, but we all knew no harm was meant.)