Customer: “I’ll take a large coffee toffee and English cream latte.”

Me: “…”

Customer: *long pause* “Oh, what am I talking about?”

Me: “You want an English toffee and Irish cream latte?”

Customer: “Yes.”

(One of my coworkers brings in an icing-covered snack cake called a Ding Dong. Usually, they are covered with chocolate icing, but this one is vanilla, so the icing is white. My coworkers are all women, and I’m a guy.)

Coworker #1: “Look what I’ve got.”

Coworker #2:”Oh, a Ding Dong! I’ve never seen a white one.”

Coworker #3: “Yeah, I’ve never seen a white Ding Dong.”

Coworker #4: “I’ve never seen a white Ding Dong, either.”

Me: “…”

(I’m a high school Spanish teacher.)

Student: “Finito!”

Me: “’Finito’ es italiano; no es español.”

Student: “Oy, vey!”

Me: “That’s Yiddish.”

Student: “¡Ay, dios mío! Are you happy now?”

(I’m a middle school teacher. For our novel study at the end of the year, I have students do vocabulary periodically throughout the book. I tell students that today we’ll be doing vocabulary.)

Student: “Vocabulary is for nerds.”

Me: “Without vocabulary, you wouldn’t talk, so I guess you’re a nerd.”

(I work in a very popular book store as a cashier. There is a wall between me and the kids section, but I can see a toy being thrown up and down.)

Child: *as loud as they can yell* “HERPES! HERPES!”

Child’s Mother: “NO, BABY, IT’S, ‘WHOOPEE!’”