God Forbid

, , , | Right | March 15, 2008

(It is 2004, and the movie ‘The Passion  Of The Christ’ has just come out.)

Customer #1: “Oooh, I’ve heard great things about The Passion of the Christ.”

Customer #2: “Yeah, it really reaffirms your faith in Christ.”

Me: “It’s been a big hit this week; Mel Gibson tried to make it as historically accurate as possible.” *cough* “Even all the dialog is in Aramaic.”

Customer #1: “Wait what?!”

Me: “It’s in Aramaic, the language which they spoke back then.”

Customer #1: “You mean it has subtitles?! It’s not in English?! Ugh, I’m not gonna watch that!”


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I’ll Take A Double Entendre With A Side Of Innuendo

, , , | Right | March 8, 2008

(I was a pump attendant (Oregon is a no-self-serve state) and a fairly attractive middle-aged woman in a mid 90’s Ford pickup pulled up for fuel. Now, that style of truck has two gas tanks, one in front, one in back. Here’s our conversation:)

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

Her: “I just need ten bucks worth of diesel, please.”

Me: “Okay, which tank?”

Her: “Oh, I think I’ll take it in the rear tonight!”

(We both paused, she turned bright red, and it was all I could do not to bust out laughing!)

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This Little Piggy Went To H***

, , , , , | Right | March 6, 2008

Me: “Can I help you?”

Teacher: “Yes, I’ve forgotten my password and would like you to retrieve it for me.”

(I do some ID verification stuff.)

Me: “All right, just a moment. Okay, ma’am. Your password is…”

Teacher: *apparently remembering at the last minute* “Oh, no.”

Me: “Piggly… Wiggly… F***er.”

Teacher: *sheepishly* “Yeah… thank you.”

Me: *bursts out laughing*


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A Simple Hello Would Have Sufficed

, , , , | Right | March 3, 2008

(I have just taken the client’s information and asked him what kind of issue he is having.)

Client: “Well, I’ve been having some problems with my emai–”

(I hear the guy pull the phone away from his mouth.)

Client:*yelling* “HEY, SHUT THE F*** UP, MOTHERF*****!”

Someone Else In The Background: “NO, YOU’RE THE MOTHER-F*****, A**HOLE! YOU SHUT THE F*** UP!”

(After about ten seconds of silence, the guy came back on the line and continued describing his problem like nothing ever happened.)


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Just Wait Until She Names Her Kids

, , | Right | February 28, 2008

(This customer called in to reactivate her account. She didn’t remember the original password so I reset it for her)

Me: “All right, your password must be at least six characters in length, contain letters and numbers, and cannot be a common dictionary word. What would you like it to be?”

Customer: “Eat sh*t.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “The password–eatsh*t.”

Me: “Alright… but it requires a number.”

Customer: “Oh….”

Me: “How about 1eatsh*t1?”

Customer: “Great!”


This story is part of our Swearing Customers roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 Funny Stories About Bookstore Employees And Their Terrible Customers

 

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