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A Method To The Madness

, , , | Right | July 19, 2008

Me: “Hi there. Welcome to [Fast Food Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’d like a chicken nugget kids’ meal.”

Me: “Alrighty then, what would you like to drink?”

Customer: “Sweet and sour.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, but what would you like to drink?”

Customer: “I just told you, I want sweet and sour with my nuggets!”

Me: *catching on to their game* “Okay… what would you like to dip?”

Customer: “Coke!”

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Carrie 3: Disaster In The Deli

, , , , , | Right | July 14, 2008

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]. What can I get you?”

Customer: “Yeah, which of these sandwiches are five dollars?”

Me: “Just these eight behind me.”

(I point to a very large sign that has a giant “5” on it and a list of our five-dollar foot-long subs.)

Customer: “Oh, okay…”

(She gives me the order of three subs and I make them.)

Me: “Okay, that’ll be $20.47.”

Customer: “What?! Why the h*** are they that expensive? You said that they were five dollars!!”

(By this time all the yelling she’s doing has turned her face blood-red; this is important for later in the story.)

Me: “Well, yes, those eight over there. All three of the ones you ordered are not.”

Customer: “That’s not true! I got them off the board you told me about!”

(She points at the board NEXT to the one I talked about which lists our six-inch subs.)

Me: “No, ma’am, that’s our six-inch board. The one next to it with the GIANT FIVE on it are the five-dollar subs.”

Customer: “Well, aren’t you a f***ing carnival weasel! You said those were five dollars!”

Me: “I’m sorry for the misunderstanding– Wait, did you just call me a carnival weasel?”

Customer: “YOU HEARD ME, CAAARNIVAAL WEEASELLLL!”

Me: “All right. Well, ma’am, I’m getting a line here so would you just like me to remake your sandwiches so we can move?”

Customer: “F*** YOU!”

(She suddenly gets a massive nose bleed which gets all over the counter and the floor. As she storms out cursing and bleeding, the customers applaud and even help me clean it up before ordering. )

Coworker: “She called you a carnival weasel!”

Me: “Yeeeaah. Well, have fun with that…”

(I still see that lady every now and then come up to the door, see me, turn around, and leave.)


This story is part of the Customers-Ignoring-Signs roundup!

Read the next Customers-Ignoring-Signs roundup story!

Read the Customers-Ignoring-Signs roundup!

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The Blind Leading The Blind

, , , | Right | July 14, 2008

(I’m helping an elderly customer look for a book when some guy interrupts, speaking gibberish. I can’t understand what he’s saying at all.)

Me: “I’m sorry, could you try to describe it?”

Gibberish Guy: *gibberish*

Me: “Sorry?”

Gibberish Guy: *gibberish*

(The elderly customer apparently understands and begins speaking to the guy.)

Elderly Customer: *gibberish*

Gibberish Guy: *gibberish*

Elderly Customer: *To me.* “Music books?”

Me: “Over there.”

Elderly Customer: *gibberish*

Gibberish Guy: *gibberish*

Elderly Customer: *To me.* “Where?”

Me: “In the corner.”

Elderly Customer: *gibberish*

Gibberish Guy: *gibberish*

(The gibberish guy leaves.)

Me: “Uh, thanks for the translation.”

Elderly Customer: “Oh, I speak a little of everything.”

Me: “What language were they speaking?”

Elderly Customer: “I don’t know.”

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Personally, I Prefer Pokey ‘Pods

, , , , | Right | July 12, 2008

(Working in a popular electronics store set in between an extremely rural area and a sprawling urban landscape, we get all types…)

Customer: “Y’all got dem thirty-two jiggabit touchee pods?”

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Digging Your Way Out Of A Hole, Part 4

, , , , | Right | July 12, 2008

(As I’m ringing this woman’s vitamins up, I notice that she’s staring at my stomach. I pause and look up at her.)

Customer: “When’s the baby coming?”

Me: “What baby?”

Customer: “Are you expecting?”

Me: “Um, no. I’m not pregnant.”

Customer: “Oh, I’m so sorry! I just asked because I used to be chubby like you when I was your age.”

Me: “Um… what?”

Customer: “Well, I was gonna say, you’re too young to be pregnant!”

Me: “I think you’d better quit while you’re ahead.”

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