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Like, OMG, You’re Stupid

, , , | Right | July 24, 2008

(I’m a desk assistant at a college dorm. One day, these two giggly freshman girls come up to me.)

Girl #1: “Ummm… can we, like, borrow your phonebook?”

Me: “Sure thing.”

Girl #1: *flips through the book, looking completely dumbfounded*

Me: “Need help finding something?”

Girl #2: *whispers* “Jason’s is under ‘J’.”

Girl #1: *whispers back* “I know, but sometimes I forget the alphabet…”

Girl #2: “OmiGAWD! Me, too!” *giggle giggle*

(I grab the phonebook and look up their listing.)

Me: “Here — Jason’s.”

Girl #1: “Oh, my GAWD, thank you! They should really have a college course for, like, phone books! I’m not from this town, so, ya know…”


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When Not In Rome…

, , , , , | Right | July 23, 2008

(A customer comes in looking for a specific FM transmitter. I point him in the right direction and he comes back five minutes later with the device in hand.)

Me: “Found it all right?”

Customer: “Yup. I came, I saw, I conquered.”

Me: “Veni, vidi, vici?”

Customer: “What the h*** did you just call me?!”

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Garraporta, Bumblebore And Lord Boweldesnort

, , , , | Right | July 21, 2008

(I’m walking around stocking videos when a man comes up to me with an extremely strange accent.)

Customer: “I’m looking for the Garraporta.”

Me: “I’m not sure what movie that is. What’s it about?”

Customer: “It’s the Garraporta. There are many movies!”

Me: “Uh, did you ask at the front desk?”

Customer:Garraporta! Garraporta! There are many movies!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’ve never heard of that movie.”

(I try every way to tell him I don’t know that movie, but he follows me all around the store saying “Garraporta!” Suddenly, he stops and picks up a movie.)

Customer: “Here, Garraporta!”

Me: “Oh, Harry Potter!

Customer: “Yes, Garraporta! There are many movies!”

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Natural Born Politician

, , , , , | Learning Right | July 19, 2008

(I overheard this from a school group at a theme park.)

Student: “God, these stupid lines are so long!”

Teacher: “If you don’t have anything positive to say, don’t say anything at all.”

Student: “I mean… these great lines are just long enough that we miss everything!”


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A Method To The Madness

, , , | Right | July 19, 2008

Me: “Hi there. Welcome to [Fast Food Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’d like a chicken nugget kids’ meal.”

Me: “Alrighty then, what would you like to drink?”

Customer: “Sweet and sour.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, but what would you like to drink?”

Customer: “I just told you, I want sweet and sour with my nuggets!”

Me: *catching on to their game* “Okay… what would you like to dip?”

Customer: “Coke!”

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