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Gettin’ Schooled, Kindergarten Style

, , , , | Right | June 12, 2009

(Our station accepts certain gas coupons which require that the gas be pumped first, and then paid for inside the store. I’ve already instructed this customer to select “pay inside” at the pump before returning to me for the discount.)

Customer: “All right, I’ve put $42 in my car.” *gives me the coupons*

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I needed you to select the pay inside option at the pump, and it seems that you have used your credit card outside. My computer system will not authorize this discount.”

Customer: “What?! You told me to pump my gas first!”

Me: “Yes, but you needed to select the pay inside option like I instructed.”

Customer: “So you won’t give me my discount?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there is no way for me to ring it up. These coupons never expire, so you can hang on to it and feel free to use it next time.”

Customer: “This is outrageous! You are a poopy-face, mister! You’re grounded!” *storms out*

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A Lesson In Latte Linguistics

, , , | Right | June 10, 2009

Customer: “I’d like a GRAHN-DAY coffee. ”

Me: “Anything else, sir?”

Customer: “This isn’t a grande!”

Me: “You’re ordering using our competitor’s terms, sir. Their grande is our medium.”

Customer: “Grande! Grande! BIG! Don’t you speak Spanish?!”

Me:Sí, senor, hablo español. ¿Quiere algo más?”

Customer: “Huh?”

Me: “Didn’t you just ask if I spoke Spanish?”

Customer: “Whatever!” *pays for coffee and leaves*

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Simple Conversations, Even Simpler Minds

, , , | Right | June 3, 2009

(A customer comes up to the window where you pick up your order after your number is called. All he ordered was a biscuit.)

Customer: “Biscuit?”

Cook: “Biscuit.”

Customer: *cocks head to one side* “Biscuit?”

Cook: “Biscuit.”

Customer: *cocks head to other side* “BISCUIT?”

Cook: *picks up biscuit, shows the customer each side slowly* “Bis-cuit.”

Customer: “OH! BISCUIT!” *proceeds to take plate to table*

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Hard Core Ambitions, Soft Core Realities

, , , | Right | May 28, 2009

Customer: “Hey, I want this tattoo on my arm.” *holds out a piece of paper*

Me: “Okay, let me see…” *looks at the paper* “Are you sure this is right?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m sure. It’s hardcore. You know, HC!”

Me: “Yeah, but I’m not sure if this is right.”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s right. You’re old, so you won’t get it!”

Me: “Okay, so let me get this straight: you want this exact tattoo on your arm?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “You want your tattoo to say this?” *shows him his paper*

Customer: “Yes!”

(I ask him several more times to be sure, but he insists it’s right so I give him his tattoo: “HAR CORE” with the “D” conspicuously absent. After several days of showing how “hard core” he is to his friends, they convince him to come back and get it fixed; it now says “HC”.)


This story is part of our Tattoo roundup!

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Because Aramaic Is Sooo Last Millenium

, , , , | Right | May 26, 2009

Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah. I rented this movie, and ya’ll gave me the wrong one. This one has subtitles, and I wanted it in English.”

Me: “Sorry, sir. But Passion of The Christ is supposed to be in subtitles. It’s the way Mel Gibson made it.”

Customer: “Ya gotta be kiddin’ me! Why would he do somethin’ stupid like that?”

Me: “Well, I’m guessing he just wanted to be true to its roots.”

Customer: “The idiot. Everyone knows the Bible is in English!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “So, can you fix it or what?”

Me: “Fix it? What do you mean?”

Customer: “Call up that Gibson feller and tell him to send you guys the English version!”


This story is part of the Scared-Of-Subtitles roundup!

Read the next Scared-Of-Subtitles roundup story!

Read the Scared-Of-Subtitles roundup!

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