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Paging Dr. Cold Cut

, , , | Right | June 17, 2009

Me: “Would you like chips or a drink with your sandwich?”

Customer: *surprised* “What?!”

Me: “Would you like chips or a drink?”

Customer: *shocked* “What did you say?”

Me: *slowly* “I asked if you would like to have chips or a drink with your sandwich.”

Customer: “OOOOOOH! I thought you asked if I would like to have surgery with my sub!”

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Always Right, Even When Making A Nation Of 130 Million Vanish

, , , | Right | June 17, 2009

Caller: “I need a provider who can speak Spanish.”

Coworker: “Okay, we can find one for you.”

Caller: “Really? What if I wanted a provider who spoke Japanese?”

Coworker: “No problem, we have those.”

Caller: “Really? You have providers who speak Japanese?”

Coworker: “Yes.”

Caller: “But Japanese don’t exist!”


This story is part of our Japan roundup!

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Going For Broke With The Gouda

, , , , | Right | June 12, 2009

Me: *on the phone* “[Pizza Place]. Will this be for delivery or carry-out?”

Caller: “Delivery.”

(We go through the order, and we come to the toppings.)

Caller: “Yeah, a supreme pizza. And make sure the toppings aren’t cheesy!”

Me: “You don’t want cheese on them?”

Caller: “No! I said I don’t want them to be cheesy!”

Me: “Um, our toppings are of good quality…”

Caller: “I’m sure they are, but I don’t want them cheesy! CHEESY!”

(I hear a kid’s voice in the background.)

Caller: “Oh, my eight-year-old says to say, ‘don’t hold back on the toppings.’ You understand that?”

Me: “Oh… yes, I understand now.”

Caller: “Good. Don’t be cheesy.”


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Gettin’ Schooled, Kindergarten Style

, , , , | Right | June 12, 2009

(Our station accepts certain gas coupons which require that the gas be pumped first, and then paid for inside the store. I’ve already instructed this customer to select “pay inside” at the pump before returning to me for the discount.)

Customer: “All right, I’ve put $42 in my car.” *gives me the coupons*

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I needed you to select the pay inside option at the pump, and it seems that you have used your credit card outside. My computer system will not authorize this discount.”

Customer: “What?! You told me to pump my gas first!”

Me: “Yes, but you needed to select the pay inside option like I instructed.”

Customer: “So you won’t give me my discount?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there is no way for me to ring it up. These coupons never expire, so you can hang on to it and feel free to use it next time.”

Customer: “This is outrageous! You are a poopy-face, mister! You’re grounded!” *storms out*

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A Lesson In Latte Linguistics

, , , | Right | June 10, 2009

Customer: “I’d like a GRAHN-DAY coffee. ”

Me: “Anything else, sir?”

Customer: “This isn’t a grande!”

Me: “You’re ordering using our competitor’s terms, sir. Their grande is our medium.”

Customer: “Grande! Grande! BIG! Don’t you speak Spanish?!”

Me:Sí, senor, hablo español. ¿Quiere algo más?”

Customer: “Huh?”

Me: “Didn’t you just ask if I spoke Spanish?”

Customer: “Whatever!” *pays for coffee and leaves*

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