We have a new hostess who likes to ask stupid questions as a way of trying to sound smart. She questions the chef and kitchen staff about the menu and ingredients to try to catch them out. One time she argued that our Pinot Noir bottles were mislabeled because they were white wines, even though this was explained when they were delivered that though uncommon, this is possible, and we ordered some!

One of our chefs got tired of her, so when she was challenging some menu changes, he decided he had had enough.

Hostess: “I see you added clam chowder to the menu. What kind of clams were used?”

Chef: “Bearded clams from the island of Lesbos.”

Hostess: *Nodding along* “Ah, yes, very good.”

She then proceeded to tell tables that for the first forty minutes we were open until another server overheard her and corrected her. Luckily, our customers thought it was hilarious, although the chef was told not to do that again!

We have just got a new server, a young woman who is very excited to be here.

New Starter: “This is so cool! This is my very first job!”

Me: “I’m glad you’re excited! Just remember your training and you’ll be fine. I’ve just assigned you your first table! You never forget your first one!”

Off she goes to take their order.

New Starter: “Can I get you guys any drinks?”

Customer: “What’s on tap?”

New Starter: “Um… water? You guys are pulling my leg, huh?”

The customers are almost falling out of their chairs laughing while I jump in to help. Once the order is taken, the new starter asks what happened.

Me: “Let’s just say that I won’t ever forget your first table, either!”

I work in a relatively small clothing store, usually with a coworker. Sometimes the manager is here, and sometimes he’s not. This situation happened while [Coworker] and I were putting away clothes. [Coworker] had a way of saying it like, “Put those pinks on that hanger,” and, “Let’s put those greens in that box,” which was not a problem at all.

When we were in the middle of the store putting away a type of black shirt, I started to fold and put them away in a box. [Coworker] stopped me.

Coworker: “No, don’t do that. We’re going to hang the blacks.”

A second too late, she realized what she was saying, and then her eyes went wide. The people around her (most of them Black) froze, and some turned to stare at her. After a few painful seconds, [Coworker]’s face turned red, and she looked like she was going to burst into tears when an old Black lady tottered over to her. 

Lady: “Don’t worry, hon. It’s not your fault.”

After that, [Coworker] started crying and ran into the staff room.

Ten minutes later, she came out looking ashamed and apologized sincerely to everyone who had heard what she said. She told me later that she sent the old lady a thank-you note because she left before [Coworker] came back out, and now guess who’s been coming back every month as a regular customer?

I’m working at a tube station (London’s subway), and a frazzled-looking passenger approaches me.

Passenger: “I’m trying to get to one of your suburbs.”

Me: “What’s the name of the station?”

Passenger: “They do boys?”

I try to stifle my laughter, and the passenger goes red.

Passenger: “No! I didn’t mean it like that! It’s spelt funny! Look!”

They point at the station on their little map.

Me: “That’s the station Theydon Bois. It leaves from platform three every few minutes.” 

Passenger: “They Don Boys? That sounds even worse!”

Where I used to work, we had a spell-checker virus; this was in the early days of spell-checker. This never affected my work, as I typed my own reports, but some of the managers used one of the admin assistants.

They would hand over all their handwritten notes from site visits and the like, and the admin assistant would type them up. Unfortunately, her spelling was atrocious, but she didn’t realise it. Whenever the red squiggle appeared under a word, she was confident that she was right and the computer was wrong, so she always selected “Add To Dictionary”. The red squiggle disappeared — problem solved, right?

Apparently, there were a lot of reports that were full of typos. I wish I could have scene some of them…

Related:
This Spells Trouble, Part 5
This Spells Trouble, Part 4
This Spells Trouble, Part 3
This Spells Trouble, Part 2
This Spells Trouble