Your Numbering Is Off But I Can’t Put My Finger On It

, , , , , | Related | August 27, 2018

(Dad holds up four fingers.)

Dad: “I need three pills.”

Me: “Are you sure? You’re holding up four fingers.”

Dad: “Well, I was only looking at three of them.”

Unfiltered Story #119027

, , , | Unfiltered | August 25, 2018

(we make car keys for almost anything but also make house keys 3 for $1)

Customer: I need a key for a 2012 ford fusion

Me: Ok let me look that one up

(can have up to 8 keys and i only need one to program the others)

That one would be $69.99

Customer: thats awesome ill take one, i just lost one!

Me: ok it will take about half an hour.

so i get into the car hook the programmer up and check how many keys it has programmed to it, 8. so i try to run the programmer under a few other cars thinking maybe its not communicating correctly. most cars have 2 or 3 programmed to them. so i went back inside and told her that i needed to reset her car to program the keys and how it happens if a few people loose the keys before she bought it. so if she needed to have all the keys here to get another otherwise they would be deleted.

she looked at me: I have 7 keys here.

there she was digging through here trunk in the parking lot pulling out purses panties trash fast food bags and who knows what else for an hour finding all her keys muttering about her ex-husband the whole time.

They Were Not In Concert When They Got To The Concert

, , , , , | Romantic | May 11, 2018

(I’m at a concert for a group I’m just getting into. I only know one of their songs but I’m having a great time. They take a pause, and the lead singer walks to the front of the stage.)

Singer: “When we were just getting here, we ran into a guy outside who was crying. He told us his girlfriend had just broken up with him, here. He’d been so pumped about going to a concert with his girlfriend, and once they got here, she left for good. So! Everyone in the audience! SAY, ‘THAT’S BULLS***!’”

Audience: “THAT’S BULLS***!”

Singer: “THAT’S BULLS***!”

Audience: “THAT’S BULLS***!”

(The concert proceeded as normal from that point on. To those of you who have been broken up with at events you and your partner went to together: that’s bulls***.)

Going Into This Story Blindly

, , , , , , | Related | October 6, 2017

(I’m sitting with my dad and my little sister in the living room, chatting.)

Sister: “So, there’s this dog, and it’s got no eyes.”

Dad: “Is it blind?”

The Price Is Timely

, , , , | Right | June 29, 2017

(I work in the deli of a supermarket, and I have just headed out on my 15 minute break. I stop by one of the registers so I can buy a snack for my break. The woman getting checked out in front of me has only a few items, including a pre-cooked rotisserie chicken.)

Customer: *watching her items being listed on the screen to see the total* “What? Isn’t the chicken five dollars?”

Cashier: “Oh, no, the chickens are almost always $11.49, ma’am.”

Customer: “No, I know this one is five dollars.”

Cashier: “Ma’am, I know that these are never that inexpensive.”

Customer: “Look at it; you didn’t even look at it.”

(The customer is starting to grow even more impatient and rude with the poor girl behind the register. The cashier opens the bag and looks at the chicken, spotting her mistake.)

Customer: “See? It says five right there on the tag.”

Cashier: “Oh, no, I see where your mistake was. This tag shows the time that the chicken was put out, which was five o’clock.”

Customer: “OH, THIS IS RIDICULOUS. I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS. YOU DON’T DESERVE MY MONEY. I’LL JUST GO TO [Competitor] FROM NOW ON!”

(The customer continued with this line of insults and complaints while the rest of her items were being rung up.)

Customer: “I don’t even want half of this s*** anymore; it’s too expensive now that I got ripped off on this chicken by you guys.”

Me: “Oh, wow, you’re right. It’s such a rip off when you can’t read the label right. You should bring it to the Supreme Court.”

(After that, the customer shot me a long glare, but decided not to complain anymore. The cashier thanked me for shutting the woman up and making her day a little better!)