You Need Something? Shoot!

, , , , , , | Working | October 2, 2017

(I manage a chocolate shop. I have the weirdest, but most upbeat employees ever. One night, three police men walk in with full gear on.)

Head Police Officer: “We need to ask you a question.”

(One of my employees and I do the wide eyed “Oh, crap; which law did I break!” look.)

Me: “Sure. What’s up?”

Head Police Officer: “We are running a shooting drill in a week, and we need volunteers for it. You would just pretend to be running around or shot.”

Me: “THAT SOUNDS AWESOME!” *I stop and clear my throat.* “I’ll ask my employees and get back to you. Free samples?”

(All of my employees stayed late or showed up on their day off to do it. We didn’t get paid extra, but it was wicked fun to trade roles, calling 911, acting dead, or running and screaming through the mall.)

The Meat Is Not Kosher And Neither Is The Boss

, , , , | Working | October 1, 2017

(I recently started working in a deli at a large chain store. This is my first day on the floor.)

Customer: “Is your meat kosher?”

Boss: “Yes.”

Me: *immediately* “No!”

(The customer looks confused while my boss looks ready to strangle me.)

Boss: “Yes! It. Is.”

Me: “Sir, our cheese is sliced separately from meats, but we put ham on the same slicer as turkey, and everything is washed in one unit. There is nothing kosher about our fresh product once sliced.”

(The customer thanks me for being honest and moves on. My boss, however, pulls me in the back and tries to tell me the meaning of kosher.)

Me: “You’re an idiot.”

Boss: “Excuse me?! I’ll have you fired!”

Me: “I can’t wait to see how the lawsuit plays out.”

Boss: “You’re fired!”

Me: “No, I’m not.”

(I’m still there. My boss won’t speak to me anymore.)

Ice Cream Can Never Fail

, , , , | Romantic | September 21, 2017

(My partner picks me up from university, with their sister in tow. We take their sister to the local pizza place to pick up her takeaway order, and while she’s inside my partner turns to me.)

Partner: *slightly evasive* “Hey, I need to run some things up if that’s okay.”

Me: “Yeah, sure.” *beat* “Wait, what? I heard, ‘I need to run some things…’ and my brain just filled in, ‘…by you,’ I guess, so I answered okay, but what?”

Partner: *flustered* “Pick some things up. Run and pick some things up. Yeah. After we drop off [Sister]? I just wanted to make sure you’re feeling up to it, since I know you had a long day.”

Me: “Oh! Yeah, that’s fine.”

(Their sister returns, and we drop her off. I mention to her that, as I assume, we’re going to go do some quick grocery shopping. While we’re in the driveway, I turn to my partner and ask:)

Me: “So, what things did you need to pick up?”

Partner: *exclaiming loudly* “[My Favorite Ice Cream Place]!”

Me: “Um, what?”

Partner: *hiding face in hands* “I was going to surprise you by taking you to [Ice Cream Place], because you were so sad last time we tried to go and they were closed. But I’m really bad at lying.”

Me: “Oh no! That’s so sweet of you, though. Thank you!”

Partner: “I was going to be so cool, just driving along, and eventually you were going to ask me where we were going, and I was going to say [Ice Cream Place]! But then you asked immediately and I didn’t have an answer prepared. I failed at being romantic!”

(I didn’t actually feel like I could stomach ice cream right then, anyway, so we did go to the grocery store after all, and picked up some dessert for another night. Next time, I’ll try not to be so nosy!)

Your Child Knows Copyright From Wrong

, , , , | Working | September 15, 2017

(My daughter is used for ads in another country, and the photographer gives me digital copies to use as I want. I take my daughter everywhere with me, because I’m a single mom. I go to get copies of the unused shots for the grandparents.)

Worker: “We can’t print these.”

Me: “Why?”

Worker: “They are obviously not yours!”

Me: “I’ve been given the right to use them.”

Worker: “Well, that’s not your kid!”

Me: *looking down at my kid* “She’s not?!”

My Kid: *looking up* “Hi! I’m [Name].” *then spells it* “I’m four!”

Worker: “That doesn’t prove she’s yours!”

Me: “I’ll go elsewhere.”

Unfiltered Story #93703

, | Unfiltered | September 14, 2017

(This happens about three months into my employment at a popular national chain. This location has been up for less than a year. Per company policy, we only have two types of coffee after 2pm, but we recently were told we could adjust for our market, so we switched which coffees and the timing based on our typical sales. Now we stop serving two types at 11am, but we will always brew a fresh pot upon request, no matter what time or type.
This customer has come in many times since I’ve started working, and every time she comes in, it’s after our cutoff for coffees and she raises hell about it. The first time, I was in tears at 24 years old because she was shouting and very angry. This time, things went differently.)
Customer: *yelling during a quiet rush* Why is it that you don’t have any coffee up, again??
Me: We can brew a fresh pot of which flavor you’d like, but we do st–
Customer: *shouting over me* I shouldn’t HAVE to ask! This is unheard of!!
Me: *still pleasant and smiling and knowing what she’s about to say* I’m sorry, but our market doesn’t sell as well as–
Manager: Ma’am if you can step over here with me–
Customer: *ignores the manager and still shouting* I know how your store works you can’t just pull coffee, I should report you to the Better Business Bureau for this!!
Manager: *loudly* Ma’am, step over here and let me explain to you. *She finally steps over by him, and he is quietly telling her she is causing issues every time she comes in and yells at employees, as well as the coffee policy and how we always are willing to brew her a fresh pot*
Customer: *yelling* I’m not yelling! I’ve never yelled at anyone here!!
Manager: *still quietly* If you are going to keep yelling at me and my team, you are going to be shown out.
Customer: *starts yelling again*
Manager: *pointing to the door* Goodbye.
Customer: *silently walks out, escorted by the manager*
Me and Coworker: Thank goodness!!

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