Customer: “I’m canceling my credit card. You stupid idiots sent a statement to the wrong house!”

Me: “I do apologize if we sent your statement to the wrong address, but if you’d like, we can correct the address on file so that you can get your statements. What address would you like to receive them at?”

Customer: “No, you don’t get it. I am CANCELING! This was supposed to be a joint account with my boyfriend, but you f***ing idiots sent the statement to my boyfriend’s house because that was the address he signed up with. It’s your fault that his WIFE found it!”

This story is part of the Even-More-Customers-Are-To-Blame roundup!

Read the next roundup story!

Read the roundup!

Customer: “Do you have any synonym?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “SYNONYM!”

Me: “Do you mean cinnamon?”

Customer: “No! God! They should have an I.Q. test before hiring people!” *storms away*

(While working for a customer service department, I get this call.)

Caller: “How do I hook up my cable box to the VCR, and the VCR to the TV?”

(I walk her through the process, TV out from the back of the cable box, to TV in on the VCR, TV out on the VCR, to antenna in on the television.)

Caller: “No, not getting anything.”

(I explain it to her again.)

Caller: “Still nothing.”

(I walk her through the process: “A” to “B”, “C” to “D”. I do this for the next half hour with no result. Finally, I give up.)

Me: “Ma’am, how many cables do you have?”

Caller: “One.”

Me: “So, when I ask you to attach the cable to each point, where do you get the cable from?”

Caller: “Oh, I just disconnect it from the previous spot!”

I am the customer in this story. This takes place when I am getting a makeover at the cosmetics counter of a department store.

Saleswoman: *Doing my eye makeup.* “Okay, now open!”

Me: *Opens mouth & keeps eyes closed.*

Saleswoman: “I meant your eyes, dear…”

Customer: “Can you help me out? This top doesn’t have the same neck as the one on the mannequin, and I like the look of that one better.”

(We go to look at the mannequin.)

Me: “Ma’am, this is the same top.”

Customer: “No! It’s not! The neck doesn’t go up as high on this shirt as it does on the mannequin.”

(I start thinking that she’s talking about how the neck is wider in the shoulders. The neck looks a little higher on the mannequin than it does on the hanger.)

Me: “No, ma’am. This is the same shirt. It just looks like a lower neckline on the hanger.”

(At this point the customer reaches out and touches the mannequin’s neck as she speaks.)

Customer: “No! It’s not! You can’t honestly tell me that the neck of that shirt is the same as this one!”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s the mannequin’s neck, not part of the shirt.”