(I have been experiencing Internet outages all day, and once a snow storm hits, there is nothing. I call to double check if there are any other problems in the area.)

Tech: “Thank you for calling [Service Provider]. This is [Tech]. How may I help you?”

Me: “My Internet is out, and I was wondering if there were any outages in the area.”

Tech: “I can certainly check that for you. Give me a moment…” *brief pause* “It seems there are only a handful of people who are without connection, so I don’t think it is an area issue. What is the modem doing?”

Me: “Well, it’s odd. All the lights are on as if it were working, but I definitely can’t access any websites.”

Tech: “Okay. Just a few questions for you to determine this isn’t the router. Do you have any baby monitoring devices in the house?”

Me: “No.”

Tech: “Do you have any new remote devices at all?”

Me: “No.”

Tech: “Is your home built on top of an ancient Indian burial ground?”

Me: *giving my fiancé a twisted face and giggling* “No.”

Tech: “Okay, then. I’m going to ask you to unplug the router from the modem so I may check the connection on our end.” *gives me instructions* “And don’t forget to stand on one leg while holding a rubber chicken. Most people forget that.”

(We go through a few more steps, the results of which are baffling him, because his system says there’s no connection, but my equipment says otherwise.)

Tech: “I knew it… you didn’t hold the rubber chicken.” *sigh* “Nobody ever listens.”

Me: *trying not to lose it, I giggle more* “You sure there aren’t any other outages? The storm outside is pretty bad.”

(A short conversation reveals he is in Louisiana and had no idea there was a storm.)

Tech: “Even though the storm may have something to do with it, I’m not ruling out the possibility of an ancient burial ground. However, I am going to recommend we replace your modem.”

(We set up an appointment for the next day.)

Tech: “I would like to thank you for calling [Service Provider], and for being patient with both the troubleshooting and my sense of humor. Have a good night.”

(I stay on the line to wait for the automated survey to give him an excellent review. I hang up and finally let my laughter go. Both my fiancé and roommate look confused. I tell them about the conversation.)

Fiancé: “I would have liked to hear his reaction if you told him you held a rubber duck instead.”

Me: “Good morning, my name is [My Name]. Can I start with your account number please?”

Client: *gives me his account number*

Me: “And what state do you reside in?”

Client: “Well, right now I reside in a state of confusion.”

Me: “I meant what US state do you reside in, sir?”

Client: “Oh! Well, why didn’t you say that?”

(On my way out of the psychology department building, I pick up one of the books from their free book pile. It had a nice leather cover, so I think I could do some interesting craft things with it, but when I look closer I realize it is a 1972 book on current perspectives in abnormal psychology, which is too interesting to cut up. My partner is driving us to get food, while I look at the book, and in the very back of the book I find some flexi discs [something I didn’t know existed] that are recordings of therapy sessions. My partner also thinks the book is pretty cool, and brings it into the fast food place to take a look at it and the flexi discs.)

Me: “Can I get a [sandwich] and an order of [specialty fries]?”

Cashier #1: “Sure, would you like that to be a combo?”

(While I’m ordering, I notice another cashier looking at us and bending and twisting in weird ways. A few seconds later, I realize she’s trying to get a look at the book my partner is holding.)

Cashier #2: “Sorry, I’m being nosy. That book looks really cool.”

Partner: “Oh!” *putting it down on the counter* “Yeah, it is! It’s a forty-year-old psychology textbook.”

Cashier #2: “Whoa, really?!”

Me: “Yeah, and look at this!” *I flip to the back and pull out the flexi discs.*

(Three cashiers are gathered around looking at the book now.)

Cashier #3: “Is that vinyl?”

Me: “It’s called a flexi disc, apparently. These are recordings of therapy sessions from 1972.”

Cashier #2: “Whoa, no way! That’s so cool!”

(We managed to finish our order after that, but it felt like a great little connection. I hope we gave them a story to tell their friends!)

(I’m a manager at a very popular fast food restaurant. One of the cashiers comes up to me and says there’s a complaint. Being the manager, I go to the customer to handle it. The customer is already angry, and is more or less yelling everything.)

Customer: “There’s hardly anything on this cheeseburger! I want you to make it again! And I’m not paying extra!”

(Initially assuming the cheeseburger was made wrong, I apologize and go to throw it away. As I’m taking it back, I open it up and check it. It’s made perfectly. I go back to the customer.)

Me: “I’m sorry; I’m not sure what you need. This cheeseburger has everything it’s supposed to. Did you want a different sandwich?”

Customer: *pointing to the menu on the wall* “I want one of those!”

(The menu is digital and the pictures change. It does tend to show mostly fancier sandwiches, but they are labelled.)

Me: *glancing to the changing picture* “…did you want [sandwich that happens to be on the screen this second]?”

Customer: *as the picture continues to change* “I want what’s on the screen!”

(It’s at this point, I realize he has no idea what he wants, and is mad that his cheeseburger wasn’t as fancy as some of our other sandwiches.)

Me: “I’d be happy to get you what you want. The picture changes to show a variety of our sandwiches.” *I begin naming each sandwich as it appears on the screen.*

Customer: “Forget it! I’m never coming back to this [Restaurant] again!”

(I’m not sure what he expected. It’s a fast food place; a regular cheeseburger is the exact same in every one!)

(This is an advanced psychology class, and we have finished our finals so the teacher is letting us watch a movie. He has a collection of movies that in some way deal with psychology, and explains about each one a bit.)

Teacher: “Okay, so, this one is Mean Girls. Lindsay Lohan is in this one; she was so good in Parent Trap. But now she’s a sinner, what with her dancing and language.”