Customer: “I need my birth record in order to request a new Social Security card, because I don’t have a copy of my birth certificate.”
(This is a fairly common request, so I nod as I look over his Release of Information to make sure all the fields have been completed. Before I get to the end, he adds:)
Customer: “I wasn’t actually born at this hospital. Does that matter?”
(Yes, it matters. He left empty-handed.)
(I am a delivery driver for a restaurant.)
Me: *calling customer but no response* “Hi, this is [My Name] with [Restaurant]. I am having difficulty finding your house, so if you could call me back, that’d be great. Thanks.”
(An hour goes by, and I call my manager because the customer won’t pick up his phone. Now my manager and I are both calling.)
Manager: *finally gets through* “Hi, my driver is having difficulty finding your location.”
Customer: “Yeah, I see the thirty missed calls and two voicemails. We’re supposed to be eating now; why aren’t they here yet?”
Manager: “I’m sorry. The driver had a difficult time finding your address.”
(I’m queer. I don’t hide it from my coworkers, but sometimes I have to openly state it before they realize otherwise. Currently, I’m working in the kitchen and frosting donuts for the next morning.)
Me: “Hey, [Coworker], do we have any more rainbow sprinkles?”
Coworker: “I don’t think so. What we have on that shelf is what we’ve got.”
Me: “D***, how am I going to make these donuts as gay as I want without rainbow sprinkles?”
Coworker: “Now, [My Name], that’s not the right word to use.”
Me: *after a pause* “These donuts are now gay. Just like me.”
Coworker: “Oh!”
(We then had a nice chat where he told me all about his awesome, butch aunt.)
(I’m in college, coming back from a cross-country meet with my teammates. Our school is small, so we take two mini-buses and have our coach and assistant coach drive them. I’m on the bus with our assistant coach, only about five minutes away from home, when we run out of gas. We pull over to the side of the road and try to call our coach and his wife. Another truck pulls over and my assistant coach goes to talk to the driver.)
Assistant Coach: “Thanks for stopping; we have a bit of a problem, here!”
Truck Driver: “Hey, do you know what time the cafeteria closes at [Other College in our town]?”
Assistant Coach: “Uh, no. We’re actually from [College], but we’re kind of out of gas.”
Truck Driver: “Oh, yeah? I’m running a bit low, too. Thanks, anyway.” *drives away*
(Eventually, our coach’s wife did bring us some gas. I still wonder if that guy eventually realized we were asking him for help.)
(I have just had a meeting at a coffeehouse inside a mall. I am walking back towards the entrance and am passing a phone accessory kiosk when the following happens.)
Kiosk Employee: *calling out* “Excuse me, miss?”
(I keep walking, assuming it’s a sales pitch. He calls after me again.)
Kiosk Employee: “Miss, you dropped something!”
(This is plausible, as I am rather clumsy and scatterbrained at times, so I stop.)
Me: “Thank you! What did I drop?”
Kiosk Employee: “Well, you didn’t actually drop anything just now, but if you had dropped your phone, wouldn’t you want a good case to protect it?”
Me: “Even if I didn’t already have one, I certainly wouldn’t be buying from you after that stunt!”
