This Is Why We’re In A Recession

, , , , , | Right | April 20, 2010

Me: “Your total is [total].”

(The customer hands me card; I run it and hand it back to her.)

Customer: “Oh, no! That’s my debit card! I don’t have any money in my account. It’s going to be declined.”

Me: “Well, your purchase went through.”

Customer: “Oh, well, if it went through, that means I have enough money in my account.”

Me: “Well, not necessarily. My brother got himself into a lot of debt by using his cards after he’d reached his limit.”

Customer: “You mean I could still use this card even if there’s no money in the account?”

Me: “It’s possible, but I’m not familiar with your bank system.”

Customer: *to friend* “Do you want to go to the nail salon?”

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The Rule Deep-Ends On How Cute You Are

, , , | Right | February 25, 2010

(A man and his son are swimming in the pool. The boy’s mother is sitting in the viewing area until she approaches me. Policy states that proper swim-wear must be worn, i.e. no t-shirts.)

Mother: “How can you discriminate like this!”

Me: “I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about, ma’am.”

Mother: “You won’t let me go swimming with my boy! Look how happy he is. I want to share that with him!”

Me: “You can go swimming as much as you’d like. You just have to put a swimsuit on first.”

Mother: “Exactly! Look at me! I can’t find a suit that would fit me!”

Me: “Why, I’m sure that’s not true. I get mine at [Local Sporting Goods Store] and they come in many different sizes.”

Mother: “Yes, but none of those are cute!”

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Please See The Hypothetical Aisle

, , | Right | February 19, 2010

(A customer comes in looking for an item I knew we do not carry.)

Customer: “Where would I find a [item]?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we don’t carry that.”

Customer: *stares at me awhile* “Well, if you did carry it, what aisle would it be in?”

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Being That Stupid Is Quite A Feet

, , , , | Right | February 17, 2010

Customer: “How big do people usually make fleece blankets?”

Me: “For people under six foot they’re usually 2 1/2 yards, and for over six feet, three yards.”

(The customer is silent for a moment, giving me a confused stare.)

Customer: “I’m just no good with metric yards.”

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Fake On A Break

, , , , , | Right | February 12, 2010

Me: “May I see some ID, sir?”

Customer: “Uh, yeah. Here.”

(I take a look at the ID and am utterly speechless. It is by no means a bad fake, but the kid made one mistake when he ordered it. I motion over the bar manager, because I am utterly speechless. I hand him the fake.)

Manager: *laughing* “Kid, your fake says you are 19!”

(Everyone in line began laughing, and the kid took off. I noticed at least three other people in line check the date on their licenses.)

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