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That Driver Was On A Slippery Slope

, , , , | Friendly | October 2, 2020

My daughter is driving to university one day after a heavy snowfall. There are patches of ice everywhere, and because of this, she is driving more slowly than usual. She gets to a red light with another vehicle stopped in front of her. She carefully applies the brakes and comes to a complete halt with no problems, leaving the recommended distance between her and the car in front.

That’s when she glances into her rearview mirror and realizes with alarm that the car behind her is moving MUCH too fast for conditions.

Daughter: “Oh, no! I don’t think he’s going to be able to stop in time.”

Sure enough, two seconds later, BAM! The car hits her so hard that she hits the car in front of her. That driver gets out, red-faced with anger.

Driver #1: “WHAT THE H*** IS YOUR PROBLEM?”

Daughter: “I’m very sorry, but this wasn’t my fault. The driver behind me—”

Driver #1: “YOU SHOULD HAVE SLOWED DOWN! IT’S TOO ICY OUT HERE TO BE DRIVING LIKE A MANIAC!”

Daughter: “I did slow down! In fact, I was already stopped when the guy behind me hit me!”

By this point, the driver behind her has gotten out, as well.

Driver #2: “I’m so sorry! I didn’t realize how slippery it was. This was all my fault.”

Driver #1: “No, it wasn’t. It was her fault.”

The driver points to some textbooks in my daughter’s car.

Driver #1: “See? College type. Guess they teach you everything in university except how to drive properly, huh?”

Daughter: *Holding her temper* “Can we exchange information now, please?”

I don’t remember who was considered responsible for what in the end — I really hope my daughter wasn’t, because she did everything right — but who knows.

You’re Not Being The Neighbor Mister Rogers Wants You To Be

, , , , , | Right | September 21, 2020

When I am twenty-one or so, I am still living with my parents. Then, I find an apartment. My boyfriend and his friends agree to move some of my stuff from my parents’ house over to my new place, including my computer and a small TV. They do so during the day while my parents are at work. My parents are fully aware of this; in fact, they loan my boyfriend a house key.

When my folks get home, their neighbour comes over, extremely excited.

Neighbour: “You were robbed today!”

Mum: “What?!”

Neighbour: “I saw the whole thing! Several young men broke into your place and took a bunch of valuables, including a computer and a TV! I saw them carry everything out to their cars and drive away.”

Mum: *Catching on* “Oh, my. That’s bad. Did you call the police?”

Neighbour: “Um, no.”

Mum: “Did you get their license plates?”

Neighbour: “No.”

Mum: “How about their cars? Did you notice what kind they drive?”

Neighbour: “No.”

Mum: “Do you think you could describe the men?”

Neighbour: “They were young… That’s all I remember.”

Mum: *Laughing* “I’m sorry, I can’t keep doing this. It’s okay. Those guys were [My Name]’s boyfriend and friends, and they’re just helping her move some of her things to her new apartment.”

Neighbour: “You were just messing with me? That’s not nice!”

Mum:You’re the one who watched our house apparently being robbed and didn’t do anything about it!”

Thumbs Up, Sister!

, , , , , , , | Related | September 18, 2020

When my husband and I have our first daughter, she occasionally likes to suck on a soother.  

Mother-In-Law: “I don’t like those things.”

Me: “I’m not a huge fan myself, but they comfort [Daughter].”

Mother-In-Law: “None of my kids ever had those.”

That’s when one of her daughters pipes up.

Sister-In-Law: “That’s absolutely true, [My Name].”

My mother-in-law looks smug.

Sister-In-Law: “Of course, I did suck my thumb until I was seven.”

My mother-in-law scowled and changed the subject.


This story is part of our Best Of September 2020 roundup!

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As A Matter Of Fact…

, , , , | Right | September 14, 2020

I work for a rather large group of dealerships. We answer the phones for fourteen dealerships and collision centers, plus our head office. I get a call on the head office line. It is important to note that each of our dealerships has service and parts departments that deal with specific types of cars.

Me: “Good afternoon, [head office]; [My Name] speaking.”

In the background, I hear a male voice say, “Parts,” followed by a closer, female voice.

Customer: “Um… parts… please?”

Me: “For which dealership?”

The caller asks someone on the other side, “Which dealership?”

Customer: “Um… It doesn’t… matter?”

At this point, my head is hitting my desk.

Me: “What kind of car do you have?”

Customer: “Ummm… Saturn?”

I screamed internally while I transferred them to the right dealership.

Frozen In Serve Mode

, , , , , | Working | August 21, 2020

My husband and I are visiting a local ice cream shop. Because I’m trying to watch my weight, I’ve decided to get frozen low-fat yogurt, instead. This shop’s way of doing frozen yogurt is to take a wrapped square of yogurt from the freezer, unwrap it, toss it into a machine, add some flavouring, and mix it all up.

On this particular day, the shop is REALLY busy. I start to eat.

Me: “Ugh. What the heck?”

I reach into my mouth and pull out a piece of paper.

Me: “That’s weird.”

Husband: “What is that? Is that the wrapping from the yogurt?”

Me: *Investigates cup* “I think so. Look, there’s another piece.”

Husband: “Looks like someone screwed up and tossed the entire thing into the machine without unwrapping it first.”

Me: “I think you’re right.”

I get back in line. The employee I talk to is looking very stressed.

Employee: “Can I help you?”

Me: “Yes. I think someone forgot to unwrap the yogurt before making this, because it’s full of paper, and—”

Employee: “Here.” *Hands me refund* “Next, please!”

Me: “But… I wasn’t asking for a refund. I’d like it to be remade—”

Employee: *Not listening* “NEXT, PLEASE!”

Me: “You’ve probably still got paper in your machine! The next person will get some, too—”

Employee: *Gesturing at the next customer* “I can help you over here, sir.”

Me: *Pause* “I still wanted frozen yogurt!”

I ended up sharing my husband’s.