Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

You Have To Remember To Take Your Brain To The Meetings

, , , , , | Working | June 23, 2021

My coworker is a nice lady but clueless. One day, we are both in a meeting with our boss.

Boss: “[My Name], there’s a huge problem with [System] and I need you to fix it as soon as possible. This will be your top priority. Call me in an hour to let me know how it’s going.”

Me: “You got it, [Boss].”

I return to my desk and start working on the problem. [Coworker] returns to hers right next to mine.

Coworker: “Hey, [My Name], have you noticed [incredibly trivial issue]?”

Me: “Hmm? No.”

Coworker: “It’s really annoying.”

Me: *Not really listening* “Uh-huh, I’ll bet.”

Coworker: *After an expectant pause* “So, I’ll need your help.”

Me: “Sure, I can help you later.”

Coworker: “What’s wrong with right now?”

Me: “Um, I’m busy.”

Coworker: “Doing what?”

Pool Your Brain Cells Together

, , , , , , | Working | May 19, 2021

I have a coworker who fancies himself a handyman. The trouble is, because he leads a very busy life — in addition to having a full-time job, he’s the father of two young boys and coaches junior-high soccer — he has trouble finding the time to handle construction projects.

One day, he announces that he is going to install an in-ground pool at his house himself. All of his coworkers are a bit worried, because that’s a huge job. He waves away our concerns.

Coworker: “I can do it, and it’ll be a lot cheaper than hiring a company.”  

At the beginning of the summer of 2014:

Coworker: “I’ve started working on the pool.”

At the end of 2014:

Coworker:  “I didn’t manage to finish the pool.”

At the end of 2015:

Coworker: “Still working on the pool.”

Mid-summer 2016:

Coworker: “I finished the pool!”

Mid-summer 2017:

Coworker: “My pool is leaking.”

At the end of summer 2017:

Coworker: “I fixed the pool.”

At the beginning of summer 2018:

Coworker: “My pool is leaking again.”

At the end of summer 2018:

Coworker:  “I fixed the pool.”

Then, one day, a few months later:

Coworker: “My wife wants to put in new front steps, and she wants to hire a company to do it. I keep telling her that I’ll do it. Why on earth would she want to hire someone?”


Coworker: “Shut up.”

Reply All, Also Known As “The Party Button”

, , , , , | Friendly | March 29, 2021

Pre-health crisis, my friend sends out an email to a large group of people, inviting them to a party. He includes me on the list.

Me: *Replying to the email* “Sounds great! Can’t wait.”

I hit send and then realize too late that I selected “Reply All” by mistake.

Me: *To myself* “Aw, crap. Well, can’t be helped.”

Two minutes later, I get an email from someone I don’t know.


It turned out that she was married to one of the other email recipients. Rather than realizing that I’d accidentally replied to the entire group, or scrolling down to see the original email, she immediately jumped to the wrong conclusion. I made sure to avoid her and her husband at the party.

It’s A Gamble If She Makes Her Way To Your Restaurant

, , , , , , | Right | March 24, 2021

I’m an employee in a casino’s food and beverage department. One morning, I go to the in-house fast food chain for a coffee on my break. The cashier takes my order but needs to run to the back for a moment and leaves the counter alone. An old woman walks up in a huff.

Customer: “Well? Aren’t you working right now? Don’t you work here?!”

Me: “I don’t work for [Fast Food Restaurant]; I’m also a customer here right now.”

Customer: “NO! DO. YOU. WORK. HERE?!”

Me: “In the casino or [Fast Food Restaurant]? I work in the casino’s restaurant. They just lease the space; we don’t share staff.”

Customer: *Rolling her eyes* “Well. No one is taking my order!”

Not a second later, the cashier returns in full [Fast Food Restaurant] uniform and cheerfully apologizes for the wait. She hands me my coffee and quickly begins taking the old woman’s order when she’s immediately cut off.

Customer: “Hold on! I don’t know what I want! Do you have [Famous Item from another fast food chain]?”

I shot the cashier a sympathetic glance and returned to my work area as fast as I could.

How Dare Unemployed People Seek Jobs!

, , , , , | Working | March 11, 2021

Years ago, I was laid off from my IT job along with about twenty others. It wasn’t personal; the company was experiencing a downturn and simply didn’t have enough work for all of us. One of the nice things the company did was to connect us with an outplacement agency. The idea was that the agency would help us fine-tune our resumes and practice our interviewing skills.

Outplacement Agent: “One question interviewees always get asked is, ‘Tell me about yourself.’ This is an opportunity for you to do a thirty-second ‘commercial’ on how awesome you are. Now, you were all laid off, and even though it was due to no fault of your own, it’s something that your ‘commercial’ should include. Your interviewer will find out about it sooner or later, and it’s better coming from you.”

So, I come up with my “commercial” and I make sure that it mentions the fact that I was involved in a layoff due to my former company downsizing. I get an interview, and this is how it goes.

Interviewer: “Tell me about yourself.”

I think, “Great! Here’s my chance!”

Me: “I worked for [Company] for eight years. Earlier this year, I was part of a mass layoff due to the company having to downsize.”

I continue to speak for about twenty more seconds.

Interviewer: “Mm-hmm. Tell me about your current position.”

Me: “Um… well, my former position at [Company] was—”

Interviewer: “I said your current position.”

Me: “As I mentioned, I was part of a mass layoff earlier this year—”

The interviewer stares at me.

Interviewer: “Oh. So you’re unemployed.”

She says this with the same tone that you’d use to say, “Oh. So you have LEPROSY.”

The rest of the interview stumbles along, but it is clear that she’s lost interest in me. Then, she mentions this gem.

Interviewer: “Our employees work very hard. They never take coffee breaks, and if they take lunch breaks, they always eat at their desks and are back at work in fifteen minutes.”

Me: “…”

I desperately needed a job, and if they’d offered it to me, I would have taken it,but I can’t say that I was heartbroken when that didn’t happen. I got an offer from a different company eventually, and eighteen years later, I’m still there.