(There is a customer in the refrigerated dairy section, looking lost.)

Me: “Can I help you find something?”

Customer: *grabs my arm* “Oh, yes! I’m looking for cheese.”

Me: “Well, it would be in this aisle. What kind of cheese?”

Customer: “You know, it’s white, and has little green flecks of Filipino.”

Me: “Uhm, I don’t think we have that. Do you mean jalapeño?”

Customer: “Yes, that’s it!”

This story is part of our Cheese roundup!

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This story is included in our Philippines roundup – part of the Not Always Right World Tour!

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Customer: “Do you have any wasp spray?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re currently out. Maybe [Other Store] has it.”

(The customer thanks me and walks away. Thirty minutes later I see him at the checkout with a Super Soaker, some lighters, and a one liter bottle of lighter fluid. I just stare at him in disbelief.)

Customer: “Wish me luck!”

This story is part of our Customer Situations That Will NOT End Well roundup!

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(A customer asks me to tell him about the store and what we sell. I point out the board games, miniatures, and card games, but he doesn’t perk up until I mention a well-known table-top fantasy RPG.)

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “It’s a role-playing game. You get some people together, make characters, and play out what they do on adventures.”

Customer: “Is there a game going on right now?”

Me: “Well, no. You need to get people together and organize.”

Customer: “I’m only in town for three days.”

Me: “Yeah, it’s really a sit-down game. It takes a long time to play.”

Customer: “Where do I go?”

Me: “It’s a game you play with friends.”

Customer: “I mean for a dungeon. You know, role-play?”

Me: “I don’t…” *light bulb goes off* “Oh! This has nothing to do with that.”

Customer: “Do you know where I could go to find it?”

Me: “No! I don’t know anything about that!”

Customer: “But I’m only in town for three days!”

Me: “I can’t help you. Excuse me.”

(The customer wanders around a little longer, then asks about a poster we have for a live-action game with a picture of an immodestly-dressed woman on it.)

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “That’s an ad for a live-action role-playing game. People get dressed up in costumes and play.”

Customer: *very excited* “Can I meet her?”

Me: “What? No.”

Customer: “But I’m only in town for three days!”

(I am drawing blood from donors at a blood drive.)

Donor: “I’ve never seen you here before.”

Me: “Well, yes, I am relatively new, but I’ve been involved with [Blood Bank] for a long time.”

Donor: “So, are you like a volunteer or something?”

Me: “No, I am an employee. I had to undergo several weeks of training for this.”

Donor: “But you look too young to be an employee!”

Me: “I assure you, I am a full employee.”

Donor: “But you’re only like fourteen!”

Me: “Actually, sir, I’m twenty, almost twenty-one.”

Donor: “No way!”

Me: “Let me put it this way. Would you really want a fourteen-year-old volunteer removing a fourteen-gauge needle from your arm and handling your blood?”

Donor: “Good point. Carry on.”

This story is part of our Blood Donation roundup!

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