Zip Up And Take My Money!

, , , , , , | Working | February 2, 2019

(My jacket’s zipper has started misbehaving; most days it refuses to zip up, and even when it does, it “splits” at the bottom. I’ve taken it to a sewing place at the mall.)

Employee: *takes the jacket, zips it up with some effort, hands it back to me* “It’s fine. It doesn’t need to be fixed.”

Me: “It’s not fine. I’m having more and more trouble with it. I’d like a replacement zipper, please.” *hands jacket to her*

Employee: “That would cost [amount].” *hands jacket back*

Me: “That’s okay.” *hands jacket to her*

Employee: “It’ll take a week.” *tries to hand jacket back*

Me: “I don’t care! I’ll pay what it costs, and I’ll wait as long as it takes! Just please fix it!”

Employee: “FINE.” *writes up the order in silence and takes my payment while glaring at me*

(I’ve never had so much trouble convincing someone to take my money before.)

Not In Receipt Of Common Sense

, , , , | Right | January 28, 2019

(A woman comes in with a very popular brand of figurines, which is sold at least four stores in our mall.)

Customer: “I was wondering if I could exchange this. My son got two for his birthday. I don’t have a receipt or even know if they bought it here.”

Me: “Unfortunately, we do require a receipt for exchanges.”

Customer: *sounding genuinely surprised* “Really?”

(On the way out she told her son they would go try another store… one that happens to have a big closing, and “final sale” signs everywhere.)

A Sign You Should Listen

, , , , , , | Working | December 28, 2018

(It is close to Christmas, and I’ve asked my husband for pyjamas. He decides to go to a nearby store to see what they have. To his delight, there is a sign outside that says, “SATURDAY AND SUNDAY ONLY: all women’s sleepwear on sale, 50% off.” This is Saturday – perfect! He chooses a set and goes to pay for them. They ring up at the regular price.)

Husband: “Excuse me. That’s not correct; they should be 50% off.”

Cashier: “Well, that’s the price that’s coming up.”

Husband: “You’re having a sale on women’s sleepwear, though.”

Cashier: “No, we’re not.”

Husband: “Actually, you are.”

Cashier: “No, we’re not!”

Manager: “Is there a problem here?”

Cashier: “He says that women’s sleepwear is supposed to be on sale.”

Manager: “No, it’s not.”

Husband: *starting to get annoyed* “Then why does your sign outside say that it’s 50% off today and tomorrow?”

Manager: “What sign? There’s no sign.”

Husband: “If you look out the window here, you can see it.”

Manager: *barely glances out the window* “I don’t see a sign.”

Husband: “Would you like to come outside with me, and I’ll show you?”

(He isn’t really serious, but the manager takes him up on it, evidently thinking that she will be proven right.)

Manager: “Huh, look at that; there is a sign!” *goes back inside* “Okay, give him the sale price.”

(I told my husband later that if he’d really wanted to see the manager’s eyes bulge, he should have asked if they practice the Scanning Code Of Practice, because if they did, he should have either gotten the pyjamas for free or gotten $10 off, whichever would be less. He groaned and said that the whole ordeal was quite enough without doing THAT, thank you very much.)

Oh No, Someone Isn’t Going To Get Their $3 Gift Card. Tragic.

, , , , , | Right | December 23, 2018

(I’m waiting in a long lineup at the post office close to Christmas. The woman in front of me has a small parcel that she wants to mail for someone’s present.)

Customer: “How much will it cost to mail this to [Location]?”

Employee: “$7.50 if you want it to get there before Christmas, ma’am.”

Customer:How much? Are you serious? I’m not paying that!”

Employee: “If you don’t need it to get there before December 25, you can pay $3.50, instead.”

Customer: “What? That’s still outrageously expensive! That’s more than the gift cost in the first place! Forget it!” *leaves*

(She waited in line for almost half an hour, only to balk at what seemed like a pretty reasonable amount of money. I felt sorry for the would-be recipient who would now not receive a Christmas present at all, because $3.50 was “outrageously expensive.”)

Egg-specting It Every Time

, , , , , , | Related | December 7, 2018

(I’ve never been able to eat eggs when they’re served on their own. It’s not an allergy, since I can eat them in baking with no problems. There’s something about the taste, smell, and texture that makes me gag. My mother-in-law has always known this about me, and yet… during a Christmas visit in 1992…)

Mother-In-Law: “[My Name], have some of this breakfast dish I made.”

Me: “No, thank you; I’ll just have some toast.”

Mother-In-Law: “Why not? I worked hard on that!”

Me: “It has eggs in it.”

Mother-In-Law: “Oh. Right.”

(During another visit in 1999…)

Mother-In-Law: “Ah, [My Name], there you are. I saved you some scrambled eggs.”

Me: “Um…”

Two-Year-Old Daughter: “Mummy doesn’t like eggs!”

Mother-In-Law: “What? Since when?”

(During another visit in 2012…)

Mother-In-Law: “[My Name], have a bagel tuna melt.”

Me: “Thank you! I love bagel melts.” *takes a bite* “Um, is there egg in the tuna?”

Mother-In-Law: “Of course!” *as though I am stupid to ask*

Me: *quietly to my husband* “Would you like mine? I’ll just have the soup.”

(It’s been over twenty-five years now, and I don’t think she’ll change. We’ve never gotten along, so I suspect that she’s “forgetting” on purpose.)

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