Getting On Top Of Your Taxes

, , , , , , | Related | July 6, 2018

(There’s a little guy, maybe around 10 or 12, looking at some stuff on sale with his mum.)

Kid: “Look, Mum! Fifteen dollars! I can get it!”

Mum: “There’s tax on top of that.”

Kid: *picks it up and looks on top* “Where?”

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Making A Racket About A Racquet

, , , , , | Related | July 4, 2018

(In the 70s, when I am in high school, my gym class teaches the fundamentals of tennis. I’m not in the least bit athletic, but something about tennis appeals to me. My birthday is coming up soon, and my mother asks me what I’d like for a present.)

Me: “I’d like a tennis racquet!”

Mum: “A what? But you don’t play tennis!”

Me: “I know, but my school introduced me to it, and I had fun. I’d like to try playing, but I need a racquet.”

Mum: “I don’t know. You’ve never been at all athletic, and racquets are probably expensive.”

Me: “Maybe we could get a used one that would be cheaper? I don’t need a good one.”

Mum: “We’ll see.”

(My birthday comes and goes, with no racquet. I ask Mum why; her response is a vague, “It would probably have been too expensive.” I am very disappointed. Several years later:)

Me: “I’ve started getting interested in [activity].”

Mum: “Ha! You won’t stick with it.”

Me: *insulted* “What makes you say that?”

Mum: *smugly* “Remember how gung-ho you were about tennis? You sure dropped that in a hurry.”

Me: “Uh, Mum? It’s kind of difficult to play tennis without a racquet.”

Mum: “Whatever. I’m just glad that I didn’t waste my money on something that you wouldn’t even have used.”

(What made it even more irritating is that, to this day, she brings up the tennis story as an example of how I don’t follow through on plans.)

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Doesn’t Understand The “Or” Part

, , , , , , | Working | June 29, 2018

(My husband and I are at the grocery store, picking up a few things. When it’s time to pay, we choose the express checkout line.)

Cashier: “Excuse me; this line is for fifteen items or less.”

Me: “Yes, I know; I have fifteen items.”

Cashier: *gives heavy sigh* “I said; fifteen items or LESS!”

Me: *confused* “Yes, I heard you, and I have exactly fifteen items.”

Cashier: *glaring* “Fifteen items. OR LESS!”

Me: *gives up, goes to another line*

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Two Ruined Dates For The Price Of One

, , , , , | Romantic | June 25, 2018

(My friend is out with a guy on a first date. She can’t help but notice that he’s staring at a woman sitting with her date at a nearby table.)

Friend: “Is something wrong?”

Guy: “Sorry, but that woman looks really familiar. It’s bugging me; I know I’ve seen her before.”

Woman’s Date: “Can I help you, buddy?”

Guy: “No disrespect intended, man, but I think I’ve met this lady before.”

Woman: *looking uncomfortable* “I don’t think so, sir.”

Guy: “No, I’m sure of it… Wait! Do you dance at [Burlesque House]?”

Woman: “Yes.”

Guy: “That’s it! I’ve seen you strip!”

Woman’s Date: “WHAT?”

Friend: “WHAT?”

Guy: “What?”

(Both dates were over pretty quickly after that.)

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Unfiltered Story #114799

, , , | Unfiltered | June 17, 2018

(My sixteen-year-old daughter is asked to interview a local business owner. She has recently become a vegan, so she decides to call the owner of a newly-opened vegan burger restaurant and ask if he’d consent to be interviewed. He is very accommodating, and seems friendly, so she finds the courage to ask him if he was hiring.)

Owner: “Well, I could use another waitress. Do you have any experience?”

Daughter: “Not with serving tables, but I worked at [well-known local ice cream place] last summer. I learned how to make everything on the menu, and I dealt with the public all the time.”

Owner: “That’s good enough for me. You’re hired!”

(She is thrilled to be working for someone she admired, and the job is pretty good. In addition to earning money, she occasionally gets free food. All is well for several months until one day…)

Daughter: *checks e-mail on her phone, gasps, and starts to cry* “I … don’t have a job anymore.”

Me: “What?”

Daughter: *sobbing* “[Owner] just sent me an e-mail saying that I’m fired. He says that I don’t have enough experience. I don’t understand; he knew when he hired me that I hadn’t been a waitress before!”

(She was broken-hearted to be out of a job, and she lost all her admiration for the owner. So did I, if you’re dissatisfied with an employee’s performance, shouldn’t you talk to that employee to try to get them to improve? And, failing that, if you’re going to fire someone, shouldn’t you have the decency to do it in person? I found out later that this was a pattern with that guy – he would hire people on a whim and then fire them on some flimsy pretext, always by e-mail. Luckily, my daughter found another job shortly afterwards.)