Watch Out For The Customer Looking At Watches

, , , , , , | Working | January 2, 2018

(I am a mystery shopper. For this particular assignment, I’ve been asked to wear old clothes and see if I will receive service at the watch and jewelry counter at a somewhat high-end department store. I am told to not verbally address any of the clerks directly, but eye contact is okay. I show up looking like I’ve just come from the gym, wearing an old Batman shirt and yoga pants.)

Clerk: *moves away from my area and ignores me*

Me: *makes direct eye contact*

Clerk: *starts to chat with a colleague and ignores me*

(I am starting to understand why I’ve been asked to do this assignment. I decide to make a game of it.)

Me: *very obviously checks out the more expensive watches*

Clerk: *continues to chat with colleague*

Me: *moves on to the 18-karat gold jewelry*

Clerk: “Boy, I can’t wait for this day to be over. It’s been so quiet today!”

(I finally gave up after waiting for over twenty minutes. I took a certain savage glee in writing up my report for the mystery shopper company.)

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Your Gift Is All In The Delivery

, , , , | Right | December 22, 2017

(It is very close to Christmas. Not unexpectedly, the line-up for the post office is very long. The lady ahead of me has probably been waiting for at least 20 minutes by the time she reaches the counter.)

Lady: “How much to mail this package to [Province]?”

Clerk: “$3, ma’am. $5 if you want to be guaranteed that it will get there by Christmas.”

Lady: “$3? Are you serious? That’s more than the gift cost! Forget it!” *leaves*

(So, to recap: she spent less than $3 on someone’s Christmas present, waited in line for almost half-an-hour to mail it, but balked at a $3 mailing charge. I feel sorry for the would-be recipient!)

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Can’t Clean Your Hands Of This Crime

, , , , , , | Working | December 13, 2017

(We have someone come in once a week to clean our house. She is, in a word, amazing; our house looks fantastic, and she always goes that extra mile to make it look even better. When a friend tells me that she is looking for a cleaner, I gladly recommend my cleaner. A few weeks later, my friend phones me.)

Friend: “This is a little awkward, but… have you noticed any money missing from your house?”

Me: “No. Oh, wait a second. [Eight-Year-Old Daughter] said that she can’t find some money that she’s been saving. She’s kind of careless, so I assumed she’d just misplaced it. Why do you ask?”

Friend: “I keep noticing small amounts missing, say, $5 or $10, and it’s always after [Cleaner] has been here.”

Me: “Oh, dear! I hope I didn’t let a thief into your house!”

Friend: “Tell you what: my husband has tomorrow off, and [Cleaner] is coming to clean. I’m going to deliberately leave $10 lying under a chair, and he’ll see what she does.”

Me: “Okay. Keep me posted.”

(The next day…)

Friend: “Well, she tried to steal the $10. She picked it up and put it in her pocket, and when my husband confronted her, she pretended that it was hers. We fired her on the spot.”

Me: “Guess I’ll have to do the same. Ugh. I’m so sorry about this!”

(I phone our cleaner.)

Me: “My friend told me what happened at her house. My little girl’s money is missing as well. Did you steal it?”

Cleaner: “What? No! Of course not! I would never do such a thing to a child!”

Me: “I’m thinking seriously about phoning the police.”

Cleaner: “NO! You don’t need to do that. Listen… I’m completely innocent, but just to show good faith, I’ll return… um, I mean give you half of the missing money. That’ll be $65. How’s that sound?”

Me: “I don’t remember telling you how much was missing.”

Cleaner: “…”

Me: “Forget it. You’re fired.”

(We changed our locks, of course, and I gave my daughter her money back out of my own pocket. To this day, I still miss my cleaner. She was such an awesome cleaner, and if she’d only taken money from ME, I might have turned a blind eye to her stealing.)

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Unfiltered Story #101612

, , | Unfiltered | December 10, 2017

(This happened when I was training a new computer programmer. I’d asked him to make a very easy change to one of our simpler programs.)

Newbie: Where’s the documentation for this program?
Me: Sorry, there isn’t any.
Newbie: What do you mean, ‘there isn’t any’?
Me: There just isn’t. Our documentation is a bit lacking in some areas, and because this is a really simple program, someone must have decided that documentation wasn’t necessary.
Newbie: But – how am I supposed to understand what the program does?
Me: … I suggest reading the code. It’s really not that difficult, and I can answer any questions you might have.
Newbie: We should have documentation, though.
Me: Sure. And in a perfect world, we would. But we don’t.
Newbie: *stands and stares at me*
Me: Did you have anything else to ask me?
Newbie: *doesn’t say anything, keeps staring*
Me: I need to get back to work, so if you don’t have anything else –
Newbie: We should have documentation.
Me: *losing patience* YES. I KNOW. BUT WE DON’T. *goes back to work*

(He wandered off, continuing to mutter about the lack of documentation. I’m not sure if he expected me to pull it out of my a**, or what.)

Their Sales Pitch Has Multiple Spots Of Failure

, , , , , | Working | November 30, 2017

(I am walking through the mall one evening, and as I pass a kiosk set up in the aisle I am approached by a woman trying to sell skin lotion. At the time I am experiencing a severe breakout of cystic acne all along my jaw bone, something that happens to me every three to six months and is only controllable by one product that I already own.)

Woman: “Hello! Would you like a free sample?”

Me: “No, thank you.”

Woman: “But it’s really good for your skin! It would help you!”

Me: “Pardon?”

Woman: “Look: this product is a very good moisturizer. It is also effective at repairing any sort of damage from sunburns or other scarring. It’s a really great product; would you like to try it?”

Me: “No, I’m really not interested.”

Woman: “But it would help with your acne, and scarring!”

Me: *now fuming, staring at the woman*

Woman: “Yes, with your acne you really should use this product! It has all these wonderful features, such as—”

Me: “Does it have an antibiotic?”

Woman: “Pardon?”

Me: “What is the active ingredient that makes it so effective against acne?”

Woman: “I’m a skincare specialist; I know it works wonders on acne, and—”

Me: “I’m really not interested in trying something that will not work.”

Woman: “Well, what do you use?”

Me: “I use a topical treatment that contains clindamycin.”

Woman: “Contains what?”

Me: “Clindamycin.”

Woman: “I’ve never heard of that. This product is—”

Me: “Yes, I’m not surprised you haven’t heard of clindamycin. You are selling a skincare product; you are not a skincare specialist. I have a prescription for my product from a specialist, and I have no interest in buying your product. Please leave me alone.”

(She kept talking, so I just walked away. I have never worked in sales, but I can tell you that trying to snag a new customer by first telling them they have bad acne, and then trying to tell them you know better than they do how to handle it, is pretty harsh.)

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