They’re Not Excelling At This

, , , , , | Working | April 30, 2018

(I work in tech support. My company has hired several temporary workers to help out with some data-entry stuff.)

Temp: “Hey, can you help me?”

Me: “Sure. What do you need?”

Temp: “I was working on a spreadsheet, and I saved it, but now I can’t find it.”

Me: “That shouldn’t be a problem. What was it called?”

Temp: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Okay. When did you save it?”

Temp: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Did you save it yesterday?”

Temp: “Maybe. I can’t remember.”

Me: “Tell you what; I’ll search your entire hard drive for every file ending in ‘.xls’ or ‘.xlsx.’”

Temp: “What for?”

Me: “You said it was a spreadsheet; I’m assuming you used Microsoft Excel to create it.”

Temp: “What’s Excel?”

Me: “Okay, never mind. I’ll search your hard drive for every file that was saved over the last few days.” *does so* “Here’s one called ‘Important Work.xls.’ Would that be it?”

Temp: “No.”

Me: “Okay, how about this one. ‘Important Stuff.xls’?”

Temp: “Open it and I’ll see… No, that’s not it.”

(Thirty minutes later:)

Me: *frustrated* “I’m really sorry, but I can’t seem to find your file. You’ve told me that all the ones we’ve found aren’t correct.”

Temp: “Well, that’s just great! I thought you were going to HELP ME!” *stalks off*

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The Kind Of Exchanges That Are Worth Documenting

, , , , , | Working | April 27, 2018

(This happens when I am training a new computer programmer. I’ve asked him to make a very easy change to one of our simpler programs.)

Newbie: “Where’s the documentation for this program?”

Me: “Sorry, there isn’t any.”

Newbie: “What do you mean, ‘There isn’t any’?”

Me: “There just isn’t. Our documentation is a bit lacking in some areas, and because this is a really simple program, someone must have decided that documentation wasn’t necessary.”

Newbie: “But… how am I supposed to understand what the program does?”

Me: *pause* “I suggest reading the code. It’s really not that difficult, and I can answer any questions you might have.”

Newbie: “We should have documentation, though.”

Me: “Sure. And in a perfect world, we would. But we don’t.”

Newbie: *stands and stares at me*

Me: “Did you have anything else to ask me?”

Newbie: *doesn’t say anything, keeps staring*

Me: “I need to get back to work, so if you don’t have anything else—”

Newbie: “We should have documentation.”

Me: *losing patience* “YES. I KNOW. BUT WE DON’T.” *goes back to work*

(He wandered off, continuing to mutter about the lack of documentation. I’m not sure if he expected me to pull it out of my a**, or what.)

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Unfiltered Story #106387

, , | Unfiltered | March 2, 2018

I’m working directing traffic, near the main bus terminal at the University. It’s very busy because this is the first week of classes and students are visiting the bookstore and the cashier to pay their fees.

I have a good friend who has been driving a Transit bus for several years, often on the University run.

My boss is standing beside me in the middle of the intersection, while I’m directing the flow of traffic. Suddenly, one of the big buses leaving the terminal, changes lanes and stops right beside me. The driver, my friend, opens his window, leans out and inquires in a serious manner, “Is this the way to downtown?”

Been Having Problems Of Late

, , , , , , | Friendly | February 26, 2018

(A friend and I have signed up for an evening class together.)

Friend: “There’s no use in both of us driving there separately; why don’t I pick you up, and we’ll drive over together?”

Me: “Sounds good!”

(On the night of the first class, I’m waiting on my driveway. The class starts at 6:30. It’s 6:25, and there’s no sign of her. Finally…)

Friend: “Here I am!”

Me: “Oh, thank goodness!” *gets in* “Was traffic bad?”

Friend: “No, why?”

Me: “Um… You’re a bit late. We’ve only got three minutes to get to class, now.”

Friend: “Really?” *checks clock* “Oh, well. I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

(We arrive at the class, several minutes late. The instructor has already begun. She glares at us.)

Friend: “Sorry! I have no sense of time!”

(The same thing happens the following week, and the week after that.)

Me: “I’m going to drive myself from now on.”

Friend: “Why?”

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Unhappy Annibirthentine’s Day

, , , , , , , , | Romantic | February 15, 2018

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], it’s Valentine’s Day!”

Coworker: “Not only that; it’s also my wedding anniversary.”

Me: “Aww, how romantic!”

Coworker: And it’s my birthday!”

Me: Wow! Your husband must be planning something really special, eh?”

Coworker: “Nope. I’m pretty sure he forgot.”

Me: *pause* “How could he possibly forget?”

Coworker: “I wonder that every year.”

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