Capitalism Will Figure That One Out

, , , , | Right | July 18, 2019

(I work in a small boutique wine shop in midtown. We get all sorts, especially since we’re very close to a subway hub. On this day, it’s just me and my boss working.)

Me: “Hi, how are you?”

Customer: “I’m fine. Hey, do you guys give discounts to alcoholics?”

Me: *blank stare, thinking quickly about how I should answer tactfully, coming up with nothing*

Boss: *the same*

Customer: *waiting expectantly*

Boss: “Um… No.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

(One of the most awkward exchanges I’ve had to date.)

1 Thumbs

Unfiltered Story #123649

, | Unfiltered | October 17, 2018

I work at a wine and cheese shop in the middle of wine country. I am working the counter around closing time when an elderly man wanders up to the counter; he begins look around at our merchandise and spots some of our apricot cakes.

Me: How may I help you sir?

Customer: What are these thingies?

Me: They’re like walnut and fig cakes but have apricots in them inst…

Customer: It’s ah-pri-cot not a-per-cot!

Me: Well, it really all depends on how you want to say it you know, to-may-to to-mah-to…

Customer: Wait, wait, wait…look at this (he takes out his wallet, places it on the counter, and spins it around) oooooohhhhh….

Me: That’s…very nice, is there something I can do for you sir?

Customer: Can I get one of those? (pointing up at one of our giant fiber glass display animals)

Me: Sorry sir, those are not for sale.

Customer: Then get me a
chicken taco no lettuce.

Me: Sir, we sell wine and cheese, not tacos.

Customer: Well you’re in a bad places to do that! *wanders off*

Wine-ding You Up

, , | Right | June 18, 2018

Customer: “I had this great wine at dinner the other night and I’d love to find it again!”

Me: “Okay, great! Do you remember what it’s called?”

Customer: *a bit embarrassed* “Oh, gosh, I don’t.”

Me: *unsurprised* “That’s okay; I’m sure we can find it or something like it! Do you remember what kind of wine it was?”

Customer: “Um…”

Me: “Like a Cabernet, or a Chardonnay, or…”

Customer: “Um…”

Me: *realizing I’m actually stressing them out instead of helping and figuring I’ll go back to basics* “Okay, no worries! Was it a white or a red?”

Customer: “You know, I’m not sure!”

Me: *completely stalled*

1 Thumbs

The Grapes Of A Manager’s Wrath

| Working | June 3, 2013

(After a workout at the gym, I stop by the wine shop where I work and am surprised to see the two newest hires working alone, but figure they are about ready to solo anyway.)

New Hire #1: “Hi! Let me know if I can help you find anything today!”

New Hire #2:  “Yeaaaaah… I’m gonna need to see some ID, hon.”

Me: “Wow, I’m flattered! Good job, by the way!”

New Hire #2: “…This isn’t you.”

Me: “Well, I’ve been working hard to lose weight since that picture was taken. I’m glad it shows!”

New Hire #2: “Don’t be cute, ma’am. I’m confiscating this, and I WILL call the police if you come in here again.”

Me: “Look, its definitely my ID, and I WILL be leaving here with it today.  Furthermore, that’s going to be a difficult threat to follow up on…”

(As I say this, New Hire #1 is looking between my name on the ID and the list of managers on the wall, looking horrorstruck. She elbows New Hire #2, sharply. I continue speaking.)

Me:  “…since I’m your manager. Checking for proper ID is an important part of the job, but never, NEVER speak so rudely to a customer, you got that?”

(Predictably, New Hire #2 lasted about a week.)

1 Thumbs