Anger Levels Are Escalating

, , , , , | Right | August 30, 2018

(I work in a department store with escalators that are constantly breaking down. The corporate office finally decides to do a complete overhaul, which requires one of the two to be shut down for up to six weeks. I, unfortunately, work in the middle of the store right by the broken-down escalator.)

Customer: “How the h*** do I get upstairs?”

Me: “Sir, the up escalator is working, and there is also the elevator in the middle that can take you upstairs.”

Customer: “This is f****** ridiculous! You people are just going to send us up there with no way to get back down?!”

Me: *pausing to understand his irrational anger*

Customer: “Well? How the h*** do I get back down?”

Me: “Sir, the elevator goes down as well as up, but if you don’t not wish to use the elevator to go down, there are emergency stairs you can use, as well. Just let someone know when you are ready to come down and they will assist you.”

Customer: *walking off in a huff* “This is f****** ridiculous.”

(This is going to be a long six weeks.)

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Clean Meets Mean

, , , , | Right | July 10, 2018

(It’s a slow Monday evening, and I’m the only one cleaning theaters. Our busiest show only has five customers, and I’m waiting in the back of the auditorium with a trash can and broom for the customers to leave as the credits are rolling. [Customer #1] and [Customer #2] are attending the movie together, while [Customer #3] is part of a different group.)

Customer #1: *overheard to [Customer #2]* “Do you want to help me pick this up?”

([Customer #1] gestures to several drinks, courtesy cups, courtesy trays, and napkins strewn across their seats and the floor. I start to push the trash can as close to their row as physically possible to be helpful and drop a hint.)

Customer #2: *gestures to me* “Nah, she’ll get it. It’s whatever. Let’s go.”

Me: *seething as [Customer #1] walks past me* “Have a good evening.”

Customer #3: “Excuse me? Do you mind if I put this in here?” *gestures with empty popcorn bag to trash can*

Me: “Not at all! Thanks so much. I appreciate it! Have a nice evening.”

([Customer #2], who had been collecting her purse and jacket from her seat, turns beet red and runs out of the theater after [Customer #1], still leaving all the garbage behind.)

Me: *calling after her with as much sarcasm as I can muster without actually sounding rude* “Enjoy the rest of your evening!”

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Nothing Never Tasted So Good

, , , , , , , | Related | June 11, 2018

(I am visiting my cousin and niece at their house. They are in the kitchen while I am in an adjacent room.)

Niece: “Daddy, can I have some ice cream?”

Cousin: “Sure thing. Don’t tell anyone else about this, okay?”

(At this point, I need something from the kitchen, so I walk in, just as my cousin is opening the freezer and taking out an ice cream carton.)

Me: “Hey there, [Niece]. What are you doing?”

Niece: “We’re getting… nothing from the freezer.”

(She held her arms out, as if to block me from seeing my very tall cousin prepare an ice cream cone.)

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It’s Breast To Let Mom Explain

, , , , , | Related | November 20, 2013

(I’m abnormally gifted in the chest area. I’m also pregnant. My friend is trying to explain to her four-year-old son that I’m going to have a baby.)

Friend: *pointing at my belly* “She has a baby in there. See how big her belly is getting?”

Friend’s Son: *pointing at my chest* “Does she have baby in there, too?”

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