Sip Of Justice

, , , , | Legal | July 7, 2018

(This takes place in the drive-thru.)

Me: “Your total is $5.45.”

Customer: “Last time I was here you got my order wrong! I swear to God if you got it wrong this time…”

Me: *confirms order, just to avoid hearing her complain* “All right, so, that’s $5.45.”

(The customer pays for her order, grabs her drink, and takes one sip and immediately starts screaming. She reels back to throw her drink at me, but I quickly close the drive-thru window, and the drink bounces off of it and lands on her. She drives off screaming before coming inside, covered in her drink.)

Customer: *to my manager* “THAT LITTLE B**** THREW MY DRINK AT ME!”

Manager: “That really doesn’t sound like something she’d do, but I’ll go ahead and check the security cameras.” *after checking the footage* “All right, ma’am, I have video evidence of you trying to assault one of my employees. If you leave now we won’t call the police.”

(The customer screamed incoherently and ran away. We called the police anyway and gave them the footage and her license plate number.)

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Sunscreen: Factor 40%

, , , , , | Right | July 6, 2018

(I work as a lifeguard on a beach resort. The beach is privately owned, but there is no admission; the resort makes money off of vendors. No outside alcohol is allowed in the area, and any alcohol must be drunk in the bar. Absolutely no alcohol is allowed on the beach itself, but people try to sneak stuff in all the time. They think they are being sneaky by putting it in strange bottles, but it’s pretty obvious to us when you start drinking out of your sunscreen. I see one woman pouring something out of her sunscreen into a cup. I approach her and realize she reeks of alcohol.)

Me: “Ma’am, you need to leave. We don’t allow alcohol on the beach.”

Drunk Woman: “What? What alcohol?”

Me: “In your sunscreen.”

Drunk Woman: “That’s sunscreen!”

(She picks it up and waves it in my face.)

Me: “Please show me.”

Drunk Woman: “I don’t have to show you anything. You work for me; I pay your salary!”

Me: “This is a free park. You haven’t paid anything.”

Drunk Woman: “I pay my taxes, and you work for the park!”

Me: “My salary is paid by the vendors, who ban outside alcohol. I need that bottle.”

(The drunk woman throws her bottle into the water.)

Drunk Woman: “F*** you! I don’t have any alcohol anymore; you can’t do anything!”

(I page security, and go after the flask, so a kid doesn’t get to it. Suddenly, she runs past me and frantically begins splashing around, screaming:)

Drunk Woman: “You can’t prove anything without the bottle!”

(Security attempted to stop her, but it’s hard to restrain someone in the water. She kept wriggling out of their grip, and managed to lose her swimsuit along the way. Eventually I found the bottle and held it up, and she came after me. I ran for the lifeguard tower with the drunk woman and security following. I climbed up the tower and watched as security chased her on the beach until they tackled her and hauled her away. Later, I heard the police charged her with public drunkenness and assault.)

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The Benefits Of Knowing About Benefits

, , , , | Legal | July 5, 2018

(I work in a benefits office. There are two customers behind the one I am helping.)

Customer #2: *to Customer #3* “Did I tell you I got a new job?”

Customer #3: “Aren’t you here for unemployment benefits?”

Customer #2: “Yeah!”

([Customer #1] looks at me in horror as [Customer #2] continues to boast about his job. I smile at her.)

Me: “Don’t worry; it will be taken care of. Next?”

Customer #2: “I want my unemployment benefits.”

Me: “No, sir. I just heard you talking quite loudly about your new job, as did a room full of witnesses. We also have security cameras. Are you going to leave or am I going to call the police?”

Customer #2: “Listen here, you little b****. You’re just a useless woman who doesn’t understand business. Give me my benefits or I’ll smash your head in.”

(He is clearly drunk. My manager steps in at this stage, a bulk of muscle.)

Manager: “I’m very sorry, sir. If you’d like to step into this side room for me? We can sort out your benefits. Do you have your forms?”

(He winks at me as they leave. I continue to help customers until two police officers step through the door. They head into the staff room to review security footage and then enter the side room, leaving with the man in handcuffs, who is screaming.)

Policeman #1: “…benefit fraud, aggravated assault, and disturbing the peace.”

(The man sees me and the manager, who comes to stand beside me.)

Manager: “You are no longer welcome on these premises. Next time you assault my fiancée or any of my staff you’ll be in hospital before the police get here.”

Me: “By the way, I’m a newly-graduated business major working here before I start my new job. Have fun in custody!”

(We heard later that he was to face a judge soon, and never heard anything else, but we never saw him again. I started my new job a month later, and am a lot happier. My fiancé and I are married now, and he told the story at our wedding!)

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They’re About To Get Pistol Whipped

, , , , , | Legal | July 3, 2018

(I am a boy working a popular restaurant with a regular inside. It’s a slow night. A man with a cap on walks inside.)

Me: “Hello, welcome to [Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

Customer: *silence*

Me: “It’s okay if you need some tim–”

Customer: *pulls out a pistol*

Regular: *screams and tackles the customer to the floor*

Me: *starts running to the back*

Regular: “Wait! It’s a joke! It’s a joke!”

(Turned out they were brothers and wanted some enjoyment out of me. They’re lucky that I didn’t get to the phone!)

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You Have Failed This Neighborhood

, , , , | Friendly | July 2, 2018

We rent out houses and, like everywhere in the world, we get complaints about neighbours. Most are about noise, damages, or antisocial behaviour, but this is one of the crazier examples.

[Client #1] sends three separate emails about how his neighbour [Client #2] stalks him, is evil and antisocial, and should be kicked out. Most is in caps, with no punctuation, and it’s just tiring to read.

[Client #2] sends one short email, with normal punctuation and use of words. He suspects [Client #1] has a crossbow, because he suddenly found an arrow stuck in his door. Picture included.

I’m so glad I do not have to deal with this feud.

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