Weapons Of Mass Communication

, , , , , , | Right | March 15, 2018

(I work at a popular toy store in my town, and the new collection of Star Wars toys just came out. The store is very busy today and we have run out of stock for a few items. Due to their pretty high price, we didn’t expect them to sell as quickly. Most people who want them are understanding, but there’s one customer who has become a regular, and a very unpopular one, at that. She always targets the new employees, it seems, never attacking the same employee twice. Sadly, I end up on that shift.)

Customer: “Do you have any more of the [out of stock toy]?”

Me: “I’m sorry. We ran out about an hour ago. We have another store in [City about four minutes away], or we will be getting a new shipment in tonight and you could pick it up tomorrow.”

Customer: “How dare you refuse me service?! It’s because I’m black, isn’t it?!”

Me: “No, ma’am, I would not discriminate. The item is out of stock at this store. Again, you can—”

Customer: “You racist b****! How dare you?! I am going to get you fired!”

Me: “I do not see how I am—”

Customer: “Don’t you back talk me! Respect your elders, you racist b****!”

(I’m in a bit of a panic, not really sure what I am supposed to do or say. I reach for my walkie-talkie. I quickly realize that was a bad idea.)

Customer: “DON’T YOU DARE!” *the customer suddenly lunges at me* “DON’T YOU DARE ASSAULT ME WITH YOUR WEAPONS!”

(Luckily, an off duty cop was there to pick up a toy for his son. He pulled the woman off of me and arrested her right there. I was actually the first person attacked by her. I found out later she usually just screamed at the employee to the point of tears. Everyone still jokes about how I was taken down over a child’s toy, and how I ended up with a sprained wrist.)

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Got A Bad Reading On This Customer

, , | Right | March 10, 2018

(I work in a hotel. After midnight, the front doors are locked and people can only get in by pushing a button. Most people are okay with this; however, some take major offense.)

Customer:Why are your doors locked?!”

Me: “So sorry, ma’am. That is our security policy.”

Customer: “Blah blah blah! So rude to lock paying customers out!”

Me: “Like I said: it’s our policy. There’s a sign explaining this.”

Customer: “I’m illiterate!”

Me: “Uh…”

(I’m stunned, since no one has used that excuse.)

Customer: “Discrimination!”

Me: “If you can’t read, then how did you sign the registration card?”

(But she had already stormed off. The real problem came when she went outside with a smug, spiteful expression, then came back in, KICKED the doors, broke them, and was unable to come in because they were broken. When I finally managed to reset the automated doors, I was treated to a expletive-laden rant while she ran off. The next day, she called to extend her stay, and after reading my log about her, we were mysteriously “sold out” and she was kicked out.)

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Listening To A Musical “Duality”

, , , , , | Friendly | March 5, 2018

(I’m on a late bus home after a hard day at work. I’m sat minding my own business, listening to “The Beatles” whilst reading a book. Sat opposite me is an older man who appears to have had a few drinks. He starts poking me in the shoulder, causing me to take out my earphone.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Man: *still poking me whilst yelling* “Will you turn that s*** off?! It’s way too loud!”

Me: “I have this at half volume and the rest of the bus is empty. If you think you can hear it, then please f*** off to another seat.”

(At this point, I put my earphone back in and try to go back to reading. He keeps poking me and I try my best to ignore it, but after two more minutes I take my earphone out again.)

Me: “What the f*** is your problem?”

Man: “I told you to stop listening to that loud rubbish, so turn it off!”

Me: “I am listening to The Beatles, and it’s not loud. If you keep touching me, I will change to heavy metal and turn it up to full blast. You have two options: f*** off and leave me alone, or I listen to Slipknot at full blast. Up to you.”

(I put my earphone in and ignore him. He moves, and all of a sudden my earphone gets ripped out of my ear. The man shoves his phone into my ear, playing some obnoxious ringtone. I grab his phone and throw it down the bus, smashing it against the back of the bus driver’s cabinet.)

Me: *yelling* “Who the f*** do you think you are? You touch me again, and it won’t be just your phone smashed into pieces!”

(The man ran to the front of the bus where the bus driver laughed at his complaint and kicked him off at the next stop.)

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That Stabbing Pain Is A Customer

, , , , | Right | March 1, 2018

(It’s just after eight am and a slovenly man walks into the shop where I work and asks for a large bottle of vodka that is kept behind the counter. It is illegal in this country to sell alcohol before ten am.)

Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir. I can’t sell you this before ten o’clock.”

Customer: “What?”

Coworker: *points at clock* “We cannot sell alcohol before ten.”

Customer: *suddenly angry* “But I want it.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t sell you this until ten.”

Customer: “I can’t wait until ten; I’m getting the bus in five minutes.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir, but I could be fined up to £5,000 for selling this before the allowed time, and our shop could lose its licence.”

Customer: “I won’t tell anyone.”

Coworker: “That isn’t the issue, sir. It is illegal, and I won’t sell you the alcohol. Our tills won’t even allow them to be scanned before ten o’clock, either, so I cannot process the transaction, even if it weren’t against the law.”

Customer: *irritated* “What if I just leave you the money and you can put it through later?”

Coworker: “That is still an illegal sale and can result in me losing my job.”

Customer: *leans over counter* “I don’t f****** care if it’s illegal; give me the drink or I will f****** stab you!”

(At this point, I am now afraid for the safety of my coworker and I’ve grabbed the phone to call the police. My coworker on the other hand is unfazed, and merely crosses his arms over his chest.)

Coworker: “Well I’m not selling you it. So I guess you’ll just have to stab me.”

Customer: *flustered and red in the face* “Fine!” *leaves the store*

(I ran to the window and, after checking the number of the bus he was getting on, I called the police. He was apprehended by the police twenty minutes later at the next bus stop.)

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Will Say It Vegan And Again, Part 2

, , , , , , | Right | March 1, 2018

(The dorm complex where I live has its own cafeteria, with a pretty decent selection of foods. While standing in line at one of my favorite spots, the girl in front of me has a rather interesting request…)

Girl: “I’d like a vegan cheese sandwich, please.”

Lunch Lady: “Er… I’m not exactly sure what you mean. Do you just want bread?”

(They only have regular cheese, and they butter both sides of the bread before grilling, so it’s no wonder the poor woman is confused.)

Girl: *insistent* “No, I want a vegan cheese sandwich!”

Lunch Lady: “Well, I don’t think we have—”

Girl: *slamming her hands down on the counter* “NO! I WANT A VEGAN CHEESE SANDWICH, YOU STUPID B****!”

(She finally leaves when a couple of the other students and I tell her to stop being stupid. She keeps screaming about her vegan cheese sandwich all the way to the door before slamming it shut behind her.)

Me: *steps up to the counter* “I’d like a non-vegan cheese sandwich, please.”

Will Say It Vegan And Again

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