Why Oh Wyoming

, , , , | Right | March 17, 2018

(On my first day working in a video game store, I hear loud, drunken rambling outside. I go out to find an extremely irate man screaming and pointing at one of the other employee’s cars. I ask what the problem is.)

Me: “Dude. What’s the deal, man?”

Customer: “This f***** parked his car over the line!”

(The employee, who happens to be female, has parked her car — a large range rover — with one of the front tires barely over the line.)

Me: “Listen. I’m going to have to ask you to stop screaming and swearing out here, all right? This is a small town and people get scared by that kind of stuff.”

Customer: “I’m from f***ing De Moines! I’ve seen scarier s*** every f***ing morning!”

Me: “I understand that, dude, but you really don’t want to scare these people.”

Customer: “Oh, yeah? Why not?!”

(The guy starts to bump into me with his chest, pushing me against the wall. Just then, the manager walks out aiming his .44 magnum revolver that he always open-carries.)

Manager: “Because everybody in Wyoming has one of these, and you don’t want to scare somebody with one of these.”

(The manager pulls the hammer back.)

Manager: “Right now, you’re scaring me.”

(The customer stared in horror down the barrel of the gun and swiftly got in his car and drove off.)

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What Happens When You’re Spoon-Fed Religion

, , , , , | Right | March 15, 2018

(I work at a canteen inside an office building. I have served a woman who has gone to pick up the cutlery for her meal. She returns with a fork in hand.)

Woman: “This is a fork. I want a spoon.”

Me: “Spoons are right next to the forks.” *points at the table she was just stood at*

Woman: “But I want this to be a spoon.” *grabs my arm tightly* “Let’s pray.”

(She closes her eyes and starts muttering. I think it’s Hebrew, but as I have never been religious, I’m not 100% certain. She opens her eyes and glares at the fork in defeat before shouting at me:)

Woman: “YOU DIDN’T PRAY HARD ENOUGH!” *throws fork at me and leaves*

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Weapons Of Mass Communication

, , , , , , | Right | March 15, 2018

(I work at a popular toy store in my town, and the new collection of Star Wars toys just came out. The store is very busy today and we have run out of stock for a few items. Due to their pretty high price, we didn’t expect them to sell as quickly. Most people who want them are understanding, but there’s one customer who has become a regular, and a very unpopular one, at that. She always targets the new employees, it seems, never attacking the same employee twice. Sadly, I end up on that shift.)

Customer: “Do you have any more of the [out of stock toy]?”

Me: “I’m sorry. We ran out about an hour ago. We have another store in [City about four minutes away], or we will be getting a new shipment in tonight and you could pick it up tomorrow.”

Customer: “How dare you refuse me service?! It’s because I’m black, isn’t it?!”

Me: “No, ma’am, I would not discriminate. The item is out of stock at this store. Again, you can—”

Customer: “You racist b****! How dare you?! I am going to get you fired!”

Me: “I do not see how I am—”

Customer: “Don’t you back talk me! Respect your elders, you racist b****!”

(I’m in a bit of a panic, not really sure what I am supposed to do or say. I reach for my walkie-talkie. I quickly realize that was a bad idea.)

Customer: “DON’T YOU DARE!” *the customer suddenly lunges at me* “DON’T YOU DARE ASSAULT ME WITH YOUR WEAPONS!”

(Luckily, an off duty cop was there to pick up a toy for his son. He pulled the woman off of me and arrested her right there. I was actually the first person attacked by her. I found out later she usually just screamed at the employee to the point of tears. Everyone still jokes about how I was taken down over a child’s toy, and how I ended up with a sprained wrist.)

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Got A Bad Reading On This Customer

, , | Right | March 10, 2018

(I work in a hotel. After midnight, the front doors are locked and people can only get in by pushing a button. Most people are okay with this; however, some take major offense.)

Customer:Why are your doors locked?!”

Me: “So sorry, ma’am. That is our security policy.”

Customer: “Blah blah blah! So rude to lock paying customers out!”

Me: “Like I said: it’s our policy. There’s a sign explaining this.”

Customer: “I’m illiterate!”

Me: “Uh…”

(I’m stunned, since no one has used that excuse.)

Customer: “Discrimination!”

Me: “If you can’t read, then how did you sign the registration card?”

(But she had already stormed off. The real problem came when she went outside with a smug, spiteful expression, then came back in, KICKED the doors, broke them, and was unable to come in because they were broken. When I finally managed to reset the automated doors, I was treated to a expletive-laden rant while she ran off. The next day, she called to extend her stay, and after reading my log about her, we were mysteriously “sold out” and she was kicked out.)

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Listening To A Musical “Duality”

, , , , , | Friendly | March 5, 2018

(I’m on a late bus home after a hard day at work. I’m sat minding my own business, listening to “The Beatles” whilst reading a book. Sat opposite me is an older man who appears to have had a few drinks. He starts poking me in the shoulder, causing me to take out my earphone.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Man: *still poking me whilst yelling* “Will you turn that s*** off?! It’s way too loud!”

Me: “I have this at half volume and the rest of the bus is empty. If you think you can hear it, then please f*** off to another seat.”

(At this point, I put my earphone back in and try to go back to reading. He keeps poking me and I try my best to ignore it, but after two more minutes I take my earphone out again.)

Me: “What the f*** is your problem?”

Man: “I told you to stop listening to that loud rubbish, so turn it off!”

Me: “I am listening to The Beatles, and it’s not loud. If you keep touching me, I will change to heavy metal and turn it up to full blast. You have two options: f*** off and leave me alone, or I listen to Slipknot at full blast. Up to you.”

(I put my earphone in and ignore him. He moves, and all of a sudden my earphone gets ripped out of my ear. The man shoves his phone into my ear, playing some obnoxious ringtone. I grab his phone and throw it down the bus, smashing it against the back of the bus driver’s cabinet.)

Me: *yelling* “Who the f*** do you think you are? You touch me again, and it won’t be just your phone smashed into pieces!”

(The man ran to the front of the bus where the bus driver laughed at his complaint and kicked him off at the next stop.)

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