He’s Just Looking To Blow Smoke

, , , , | | Right | June 5, 2019

(I work for a well-known fast food chain. Due to the general law, smoking is prohibited in our restaurant. I catch a customer lighting a cigarette inside the building.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir. Would you please extinguish your cigarette?”

Customer: “Why? I can smoke if I want! What’s the problem?”

Me: “Due to general law, it’s prohibited to smoke inside restaurants.”

Customer: *pulls out his wallet and hands me a fifty-euro bill* “Take this and you saw nothing.”

Me: “Sir, are you asking me to ignore federal law?”

Customer: *puts the bill back in the wallet* “If you don’t want… Just make an offer.”

Me: *getting a bit angry* “Sir, your offer was illegal — just as illegal as it is to smoke within restaurants. Please extinguish your cigarette now!

(Other customers are turning their faces towards us. The customer walks over to me and leans forward on the register desk, holding the cigarette directly in front of my face. I have to take a step backward to avoid getting burned.)

Customer: *with an angry voice* ”You don’t have to say anything. You’re not the cops!”

(He flipped his cigarette directly into our fryer and stomped out. The hot fat caught fire immediately, so we had to evacuate the building and call the fire department. They arrived quickly. We made a report about this man, and a few days later he was caught. He had to pay the complete damage he caused and went to jail for one year due to endangering people and willful damage.)

Some People Just Have Bags Of Anger

, , , , , , , | | Right | June 4, 2019

(A woman comes up to the counter.)

Me: “Hello. Did you find everything today?”

Customer: *no answer*

(I continue to scan the items until I get to the total.)

Customer: “That’s not the right f****** price!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Which one is incorrect?”

Customer: “The handbag, you f****** idiot!”

Me: “Okay, if you show me where the handbag is from, I can have a look at the signage and correct the price for you.”

(She walks me over to the bag and I explain that this particular item is not on sale.)

Customer: “Get me your manager!”

(I walk over to the phone and call the manager to come down.)

Me: “The manager is just coming down; she will be with you in a moment.”

(Less than thirty seconds later, the woman slaps her hand on the desk and screams abuse at me.)

Customer: “WHERE IS THE F****** MANAGER?! IF I DON’T HAVE A MANAGER HERE IN TWO SECONDS I WILL HAVE YOU FIRED!”

(My colleague then politely replies for me.)

Colleague: “If you would just like to wait a few more seconds, I’m sure the manager will be right with you.”

(The woman then really makes a turn for the worst. She leans over the desk, grabs my colleague’s shirt, and pulls her in.)

Customer: “YOU F****** LITTLE COW! I WILL HAVE YOUR JOB FOR THAT! YOU NEED TO LEARN SOME F****** MANNERS! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?! HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT?! CONSIDER YOURSELF FIRED!”

(My colleague is in tears and another colleague comes to take her away from the situation. She takes my colleague away and another one comes in.)

Colleague #2: “How dare you talk to our staff like that?! What gives you the right to talk to an employee like that, let alone touch them?!”

(By this point my manager has seen all of the events and comes over to intervene.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “I’m f****** suing you for false advertisement! On top of that, your b**** of an employee just verbally assaulted me! I’m going to the head office and the police about this!”

Manager: “Actually, madam, you were verbally abusing my staff. I have heard the entire altercation and I have a good mind to call the police myself and have you arrested.”

Customer: “You can’t call the police on me! I know my rights!”

Manager: “Actually, I can call the police, and if you don’t leave my store immediately, I will.”

Customer: “I’m not leaving until I get my free handbag and make my complaint!”

Manager: “One, you are absolutely not getting a free handbag. Two, here is the number for the head office; feel free to make as many complaints against me as you like.”

(My manager then gets very close to the customer and says very clearly:)

Manager: “AND THREE, IF YOU EVER TALK ABOUT OR TO ANY OF MY EMPLOYEES LIKE THAT AGAIN, I WILL DROP YOU.”

(The customer turned white and grumbled out of the door.)

Customers Can Be Racist, Ageist, Homophobic, And Transphobic, And Some Can Be All Of Them

, , , , , | | Right | June 3, 2019

(I’m wiping down tables and cleaning the lobby. My coworker is African American and very tall. He’s working the registers. I’m short and about eight months pregnant, and I look high-school age.)

Customer: “Sir, can you get someone to help me? I don’t trust you with my order.”

Coworker: “Ma’am, I can take your order.”

Customer: “No, you can’t. Your ‘kind’ rarely have a high school education. You’ll steal my identity!”

Coworker: *sigh* “[My Name], can you come handle this transaction?”

Me: “How can I help you, ma’am?”

Customer: “I will not have a high school dropout whore handle my information, either! Get me someone else!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not in high school, and I’m quite happily married. How may I help you?”

(She ignores me and looks around, seeing my manager in the back. My manager is Hispanic, transgender from male to female, and from the back she doesn’t look like it with her gorgeous long hair.)

Customer: “Get me your manager! That manager right there! She should be able to help me! She obviously has her life together!”

Manager: *in an obviously male voice* “How can I help you, ma’am?”

Customer: “Abominations! Abominations, all of you! Get me your highest manager, right now! I demand I have a decent person who can take my order!”

(My GM has seen everything on the security monitors, and my manager goes and explains everything to him.)

Manager: “Ma’am, he’ll be out shortly.”

General Manager: *with a “gay” accent* “How can I help you, darling?”

Customer: *running out, pushing me over in the process* “Abominations! Every one of you! Abominations!”

(I went into premature labor, thanks to her, and had a healthy baby girl! I found out later that the same woman was arrested the same day in my fast food restaurant; she came in while my GM was giving the police officers her information for attacking me.)

Customers Don’t Know I Am Titanium

, , , , , | | Right | June 3, 2019

(I’m a professional body piercer at one of the best studios in the state. We use the highest quality jewelry possible, and because of this, our prices are a little higher than most run-of-the-mill shops.)

Me: “Hello! What can I do for you today?”

Customer: “I want to get my bellybutton pierced!”

Me: “Awesome! Let me just check your anatomy really quick and get your paperwork taken care of. Here is the jewelry we can use for that area. The piece is going to be dependent on the jewelry that you choose, so let me know what you like and I’ll let you know a price.”

Customer: “I like this one!” *pointing to a very nice double gem prong set piece in implant-grade titanium*

Me: “Very good choice! That piece will go with anything you wear! Now, for the jewelry and the piercing fee, your total will come to $95.”

Customer: “Are you trying to to f****** rip me off? I can get the same thing down the street for $30. I’m going to report you for scamming!”

Me: “Ma’am, our jewelry is the highest quality you can find, contains no nickel or lead, and has a lifetime guarantee.”

Customer: “$95 is a total scam! I’ll have you fired! I’ll have it so you never make another dollar in this town again.”

(At this point I’m, of course, a little irritated.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’ve already told you about the jewelry quality; add on me putting myself at risk with bodily fluids, I think $95 is a fair price. Feel free to go to the shop down the street. You are an adult. I don’t think we will be doing business together and I have to ask you to leave.”

Customer: “F*** this place! F*** you, lady! You’re all a bunch of drug addicts and bums!”

(She did leave, but not after knocking down some award plaques we have displayed and breaking one. She did end up coming back a couple of months later with a terribly done navel piercing and begged me to fix it. Unfortunately, there was no way of fixing it and she was left with a nasty scar.)

No Change = No Pizza!

, , , | | Right | June 1, 2019

(I’m the only delivery driver working an unusually busy weekday lunch shift. At one point, I end up taking out four orders at once. It’s a small town, so I’m able to reach them all just within the allotted time, but the third customer didn’t tell us he would be paying with a $50 bill, so by the time I get to the last stop, I’m almost entirely out of change. When I arrive and the customer opens the door, the place REEKS of alcohol.)

Me: “Hi there, sir. Your total is [total], and I’m really sorry for the inconvenience, but just to let you know, the last guy pretty well cleaned me out of change. Were you—“

Customer: *yelling* “What do you mean, ‘out of change’? You f****** b****, you’d better have my change!”

Me: *stepping back* “Well, I’ve got two dollars right now–” *this would leave me with about a $5 tip* “–but if you—“

Customer: “Two f****** dollars? The f*** you trying to pull, you lying little b****! You trying to scam me out of my money?! I’ll kick your f****** a**!”

(By this point, I’m physically shaking. Then, he opens the door all the way and starts out toward me. I turn and RUN back to my car, with him screaming obscenities after me. When I get back to the store, I’m still shaken up, on top of being nervous that I’ll get in trouble for not making the delivery. I walk in with the undelivered pizza and my manager turns and sees me almost in tears.)

Manager: “Are you okay?”

Me: “Yeah, but that last guy is probably going to call and complain.”

Manager: “The guy on [Street #1]?”

Me: “Yeah, [Street #2] paid with a fifty and cleaned me out of change. I was hoping he’d have exact change or be okay leaving the rest as a tip, but if not, I was going to offer to come back here and bring him back his change and a free two-liter for the trouble. But he didn’t let me explain; he just started screaming, and then he came at me like he was going to hit me, so I ran.”

Manager: “Jeez. Yeah, he called here cussing up a storm just before you got back. He said you were trying to scam him and wouldn’t give him his food, but you’re about the last person I’d expect to try something like that. When he started swearing, I just hung up. From what you said, I’m adding him to the ‘no deliveries’ list now.”

(Bonus: I got to keep the pizza he didn’t give me a chance to deliver. Free lunch!)

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