Whipped Cream And Pee Jars And Tag, Oh My!

, , , , , | Learning | September 10, 2017

(I am one of three RAs in a freshman dorm. I am talking to one of the SRAs (Senior RA) as my shift ends, when I see three freshman residents exiting the elevator, covered in whipped cream.)

SRA: “What happened, guys?”

Freshman #1: “I want to switch roommates!” *The other freshmen pipe up loudly that they, too, want to switch roommates.*

SRA: “Did your roommates do this to all of you? Did you do anything to them first?”

Freshman #2: “Well, we’ve been collecting bottles of our pee and placing it in their clothing, and under their bed sheets, but they started it first!”

(The SRA looks at me as this guy is talking, knowing there’s going to be a s***-ton of paperwork and meetings over this.)

Me: “Tag, you’re it!” *walks away*

(Don’t worry, I’m not a horrible RA. I came back with coffee for the SRA and we sorted this out together. I just wanted to see her reaction when she thought I left her.)

This Sale Kicked The Bucket

, , , , | Right | September 8, 2017

(I am taking a customer’s order.)

Me: “That will be [amount], please.”

(She suddenly kicks the front of the counter.)

Me: “Madam?”

(She kicks again more violently, then moves to a spiral collection box we have for children, then on to a condiment table. My manager comes out, and collectively the staff and customers watch as she tries to damage something. After a few tries she gives up.)

Customer: “So, how much do I get off for that?”

Me: “Get off?”

Customer: “My sister said if I kicked up a fuss, I would get money off my order.”

Manager: “Yes… that usually doesn’t involve literally kicking the furniture. You’ve got ten seconds to disappear, or I call the police.”

(She ran, and we gave the police our camera footage of the incident. After my manager’s monthly meeting, he told us she had tried the same thing at another two restaurants in our region. To our knowledge, she hasn’t been arrested yet.)

Give Him A Job Or You’re All Against Him

, , , , | Working | September 5, 2017

I work as a night duty manager at a large hotel. Part of the hotel is connected to a mall and parking garage structure, so the public has access to that area in general.

At about six am, I got a complaint from a hotel guest, who was exiting to the parking garage, that a man was swearing and yelling and smashing at the pay phone.

I went up to check the situation. I saw a somewhat angry-looking man screaming into the pay phone about having nowhere to go and asking what he was supposed to do now. Apparently the person on the other end either hung up, or he was cursing at an answering machine, because he hung up the receiver with a crash and swore.

I politely asked him to move on, as this was not a public area. He said he was trying to get hold of his case worker, he was just thrown out of his rooming house for “no f****** g**d*** reason,” and everyone was against him, everyone was an a**h***… and so on, for several minutes, swearing and yelling about his life.

I reminded him again that he had to move on… which he did, but not before yelling several more expletives and threats about what he would do to people who thought they would f*** him over.

An hour later, I was delivering the morning reports to the sales office, and the same man was around the corner by the parking garage. On seeing me walking to the general offices, he stopped me and… handed me a resume. It was handwritten in pencil on graph paper.

I promised that I would give it to the general manager for sure… (so we could issue a trespass notice with his full name and contact info).

Cheesecake Cheesed Off

, , , , , | Right | August 25, 2017

(I’ve just been called in for a closing shift on my day off and two shifts have passed since I was last in the building so I’m not quite up-to-date on exactly what I have left in the backroom. I’m on the sales-floor stocking yogurt when a customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Do you have any more of [Brand] in strawberry cheesecake?”

Me: “Hmm. Not in this load but I had two cases in the back yesterday morning. I’ll go see if they’re still there.”

(I hurry to the cooler in the backroom and check quickly for the two cases but they are gone. I return to the man and less than three minutes have passed.)

Me: “No, I’m sorry, sir. We must have sold them after I left last night.”

Customer: “All right, thanks for checking.”

(I return to stocking yogurts and find three cups of the flavor he wanted at the back of the shelf, shoved behind another flavor. He’s still nearby so I flag him down.)

Me: “Oh, sir, I found three of them at the back of the shelf!”

(Suddenly he snarls at me.)

Customer: “You little b****! You wasted my time!” *he turns on his heel and leaves without the yogurts, leaving me speechless*

Spewing A Lot Of Hot Gas About This

, , , , | Right | August 17, 2017

(A man walks in, really frustrated.)

Man: “Do ANY of your fuel pumps work?”

Me: *stares at the other people outside using them, plus my screen which shows all green* “Um. Yes. All of them. Which one are you on?”

Man: “I’m on ten!”

Me: “Ten is operative.”

Man: “My wife just came in and it’s not working!”

Me: “Did she pre-pay?”

Man: “No!”

(Unsure of why it was then relevant to mention it, I relent.)

Me: “Well, sir, I’ll come out and we’ll see why it’s not working for you!”

Man: “Good!”

(We walk out and he lifts the nozzle, selects the grade, and tries to pump.)

Man: “See! It’s BROKEN!”

Me: “Actually, sir, you didn’t scan your loyalty card. See the screen? It says to scan it, first.”

Man: “WHY?!”

Me: “It’s part of the process.”

Man: “This is RIDICULOUS! So how do I pump fuel?! I don’t have one of these cards!”

Me: “Well, you can come inside and prepay.”

Man: “This is stupid! You don’t even SAVE anything on your gas! ”

Me: “Sir, you save at least $0.03 a gallon with the card or $0.10 for every $50 you spend in our store.”

Man: “Uh. I’m an INTERNATIONAL BUSINESSMAN! I know these things and yeah, that is just a FLUKE! You don’t save anything!”

(Never mind what he said made no sense. We get inside to pay.)

Me: “So how much do you want to prepay?”

Man: “Six dollars. Where do I BUY one of those cards anyway?”

Me: “They are free at customer service across the lot at our main store.”

Man: “Yeah. I’m not doing that.”

Me: “Here, I will scan this courtesy card so you’ll save $0.03 off per gallon anyway.”

Man: “Why do you have to scan that card first anyway?”

Me: “Because if we didn’t, people could pump gas and drive off without paying and we have no way of finding them. With the card, if anyone drives off, we have their address and number and we can find them and collect.”

Man: “Oh.”

(And I ring him up and hand him his receipt.)

Man: “Yeah. I’ll pump that six dollars and put the rest of my gas on my credit card.”

(The man walked out and I burst out laughing. After six dollars, he was back to square one, got angry, and drove off.)

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