This Couponer Can Can It

, , , , | Right | February 26, 2019

(Lately, our store has started a “buy one bag, get two cans free” deal on several dog and cat food brands. However, corporate had the brilliant idea of designing all the sales signs so the “buy one” and “get two free” parts were in large, prominent writing, while the “bag” and “cans” parts were in tiny writing. Sure enough, I end up having to deal with all the angry customers, as a result.)

Cashier: *paging* “Manager to register one.”

(I rush over and see a lady yelling at my cashier. Meanwhile, her four children are running around the store making an even louder fuss.)

Me: “How can I help?”

Customer: “The price is wrong on these bags of dog food! It’s supposed to be buy one, get two free!”

Me: “Sorry, it’s actually buy one bag, get two cans free.”

Customer:No, it’s not! I’m an extreme couponer! I know what I’m talking about! It’s buy one bag, get two bags free! I’ll show you!”

(I let her lead me to one of the sales signs.)

Customer:See? It says it right there!

Me: “It says, ‘Buy one bag, get two cans free.’ See?”

(I pointed at the words, “bag,” and, “cans.” In response, she THREW her bags of dog food at me and stormed out of the store with her children. For some reason, she took an empty cart out with her and left it in the middle of the parking lot when she drove away. Payback, I guess? I can understand being frustrated at the misleading sales signs, but you’d think an “extreme couponer” would have the sense to read the fine print… and also maybe not throw heavy products at people.)

The Police Are A Must With The Pelvic Thrust

, , , , , | Legal | February 25, 2019

This is a story relayed to me by an employee at a small bowling alley that I frequent. It should be noted that the alley typically operates with a skeleton crew due to lack of people interested in working there full-time, so this employee acts as cashier, repairman, and manager.

It starts with a car accident across the street. Fortunately, the car winds up colliding with a large tree that remains undamaged, and nobody is badly hurt as a result of the crash, but the front of the car is completely caved in. Instead of calling insurance or maybe even a tow truck, the occupants ditch the car and head over to the bowling alley.

The group situates itself at a table and one of its members, who reeks of alcohol, approaches the counter. Much to the surprise of the employee, instead of asking for rental shoes or a lane to bowl on, the man demands alcohol. He does look over 21 but can’t present any ID, and he seems like he arrived over-served, anyway, so his request is declined.

He’s not happy but moves on to demanding to bowl against the employee, with the winner getting $1000 from the loser. Because the employee is working at the moment and he doesn’t know the guy, anyway, he politely declines, but his refusals are only met with the man continuing to up the reward money by another $1000. Eventually, he is told that if he does not want to buy or rent anything, then he needs to leave. The man complies at first, but is distracted on the way out by a random stranger minding his own business. The man suddenly whips around and threatens to fight the now-confused stranger, and while no brawl comes of it, the employee is alarmed by the violence and immediately calls the police. He then firmly reminds the man that he needs to leave, but that only convinces the man to storm over to the counter and start threatening him instead. Not wanting to escalate anything or get hurt, he steps back, bites his tongue, and hopes the man will be distracted long enough to not bother anybody else before the police arrive.

The man, however, is quickly bored of threatening the employee and moves onto the arcade games. Rather than play on any of the machines, he invents his own game of intensely and suggestively pelvic thrusting in front of the basketball hoop game.

Suddenly, the man’s friend yanks the man away from the machine and the group hastily disappears into the night. It happens so fast that it’s as though a switch flipped in the friend’s head.

The police arrive and start gathering evidence. Turns out the car isn’t the only thing that group chose to ditch. The friend, in his haste to leave, had abandoned just about every single document relating to his most recent car rental on the table, and the rental car’s description matches almost perfectly with the car that he’d just crashed. What doesn’t match, however, is the registration. The car has a Florida license plate; the form clearly indicates that the car is registered in Virginia. The rental company was contacted, and from there the police found out that there were also serious discrepancies with the personal information he gave the company versus the personal information on the document. This is a telltale sign of fraud and forging/doctoring contracts, most probably done because the man’s friend did not have a valid license and hence needed to fake one with matching fake information to rent a car.

While the man was clearly wasted, the police had no evidence or suspicion that the man’s friend had been drinking that night. Since the whole group had since vanished, the police then advised the employee to keep a small gun on him at work for defense should another incident occur, and to simply contact the police without engaging with the suspect at all if anybody from that group enters the alley again.

Hopefully, the group is smart enough to stay away, though, or at least has learned to keep a close eye on the guy that gets really crazy and stupid when he’s drunk.

He Fought The Law… And Won

, , , , , | Learning | February 22, 2019

(In our high school, we have this one teacher that absolutely HATES phones. Doesn’t matter if it is a flip phone, a smart phone, a hand phone, or even one of those red old-school phones with the dial; if she sees anyone with their phone out, she will confiscate the phones and have them returned by the end of the day, and that’s after threatening to call parents and giving the offending student a half-hour talk after school. Even students who don’t have her and are just passing through the hallway in front of her door could have their phones taken. She is a bit… unstable… and if you’re wondering why parents and students don’t complain about her, they do, but she’s the only teacher teaching the subject right now, and admittedly, she’s pretty high quality compared to rest of the teachers at our school when she isn’t being super unpredictable, so nobody really takes any action against her. At the beginning of every year, she prints out and forces students to sign a contract stating that they won’t have phones in class or else she will confiscate them. Because the contract is signed by the students, the principal can’t find fault, so this kind of behavior continues for a good amount of time. That is, until one kid joins us midway throughout the school year. He’s not too late to be hindered by the new coursework, but new enough that nobody really knows him. He also has the same teacher as I do for homeroom, which means we are supposed to spend the next four years of our high school together. If I were to describe him, I’d say just picture him as a tall Asian guy with pretty unkempt hair and glasses; he’s pretty quiet, so naturally, not a lot of people expect much from him. This happens on the first day he joins our homeroom, the first time the teacher ever met him.)

Teacher: *slamming contract down in front of [New Student] while he’s scrolling through his phone* “I won’t allow any students of mine to use those worthless pieces of plastic in my class. You’re going to sign this contract. Read over it carefully, and if you break any parts of it, I will deal out punishments labeled on it as I see fit.”

(Everyone in the room is watching them, waiting to see what will happen. [New Student] signs the contract after barely reading it, before going immediately back to his phone. We can see a vein bulging in the teacher’s temple as she forces the contract in front of [New Student]’s phone screen.)

Teacher: *barely managing to keep it together* “Did you not read the contract?”

New Student: *just puts the contract back on the desk* “I did.”

Teacher: *tries to take the phone out of [New Student]’s hand* “Then give me the phone. You signed a contract stating that you wouldn’t use a phone in class, and since you’re using it, I’m going to have to confiscate it; you can have it back at the end of the day.”

New Student: *not even looking up, but wrenches the phone back* “Well, technically, contracts signed by a minor are not legally binding, so… yeah.”

(We could literally hear a pin drop in the silence that follows. The moment the teacher furiously leaves the classroom, we all sort of just crowd around [New Student] and congratulate him for standing up to the teacher that way.)

Student: “Is that true, that contracts signed by minors aren’t legally binding?”

New Student: *still scrolling through his phone* “Yep.”

(The whole class basically starts worshipping him at this point. Fast forward a few minutes: the teacher comes back with the principal and two security guards.)

Teacher: *points at [New Student], who is still scrolling through his phone* “There! That’s the student who disrespected me!”

Principal: “Calm down, [Teacher]. Let me handle this.” *kneels in front of [New Student], who looks up at him* “Hey. You’re the new kid, right?”

New Student: *nods*

Principal: *gestures towards [Teacher]* “Well, I just received a report from your teacher that you were being very disrespectful towards her in class today. Do you want to tell me what happened?”

New Student: *shrugs* “She made me sign a contract stating that I wasn’t to use my phone in her class, but since contracts signed by minors aren’t legally binding, I don’t have the follow said contract.”

Principal: *blinks before standing up* “I see.”

Teacher: “See?! He admits it!”

Principal: *to [Teacher]* “Well, technically, he’s right, so–“

Teacher: *screeching* “WHAT?”

(Cue the unpredictability mentioned earlier. [Teacher] went BALLISTIC, pounding desks with her hands and throwing chairs around. Security quickly restrained her and escorted the students out of there. The principal immediately fired her. She was signed up for anger management classes… for obvious reasons. As for [New Student], he got a detention, since he was technically disrespecting the teacher, but recently, I’ve found out he is going to a law school, so kudos for him.)

Not A Fitting Use For The Fitting Rooms

, , , | Right | February 20, 2019

(I am sixteen years old and it’s my first day of working at a clothing store. After I clock in for the day, a bewildered-looking customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, miss? I was just in the fitting room and I think you need to go in there right now.”

(Confused, I follow her to the fitting room. When I enter it, I hear two people in the handicapped room and it is obvious they are having sex. The customer laughs at the look of horror that is on my face and says she is just as uncomfortable as I am, so I ask the customer to follow me to the registers. Then, I go to the storage room to call my manager.)

Me: “Hi, [Manager]! I am sorry to bother you, but could you come down to the juniors department? There is… erm… a situation in the fitting rooms.”

(I explain the situation, and the first thing she says is:)

Manager: “Oh, my God, [My Name]! Are you kidding me?! Please don’t let anyone go into that fitting room until I get down there; where do these people come from?!”

(Luckily no one else has been in the department throughout this whole time, and ten minutes later, my manager and security come into the department. My manager apologizes to the customer while the security officer enters the fitting room. A couple of minutes later the couple walks out, looking as mortified as we all are, and are escorted to the loss prevention office as some of the clothing items they took in with them are damaged. When the couple is out of earshot, the manager turns around to me, looking apologetic.)

Manager: “I am so sorry this happened on your first day on the job, [My Name], but you handled the situation very well.”

Customer: “This is your first day?!”

(I nodded. I was still obviously uncomfortable so my manager sent me on break. While I was gone, my manager offered the customer who reported the incident a 20-dollar store gift card. Because I handled the situation so well and the customer felt bad about it happening on my first day, she insisted the manager give the card to me, instead, and wrote a good review about me to corporate. The next day, I found out from my manager that the couple had damaged at least $500 worth of merchandise.)

Literally Brought A Knife To A… You Know The Rest

, , , , , | Legal | February 12, 2019

(I’m manning the shop while my manager is out for lunch. A man comes in asking about hunting knives. We talk for a bit and I show him several of our blades. He noticeably keeps asking to see the biggest and sharpest ones we stock.)

Me: “Well, there’s this.” *takes out a 15-inch bowie-designed knife*

Customer: “Oh, yeah! Can I see that?”

(I hand the knife over, while going into the spiel about the grade of steel, techniques for sharpening it, and so on. The customer seems very pleased as he tests the weight and then smiles at me.)

Customer: “You know what’s funny? You were actually just stupid enough to hand this to a random guy, with no idea what he intends to use it for.”

(He suddenly thrusts the knife at me.)

Customer: “Now, how about you walk me over to your register and hand over every f****** cent before I see how far I can sink this into your heart, moron?!”

Me: “Sir, if I may just ask, you are aware we’re a sporting goods store?”

Customer: “Yeah, so? Cash now, a**hole!”

(He thrusts the knife at me again. I tactfully back away while glancing over to my left.)

Me: “Could you please just read what the sign there at the bottom of the stairs says, then?”

(The customer-turned-robber looks confused, then cautiously turns to the sign.)

Customer: “‘Guns located on second floor’? What the…”

(He turns back to see I’ve now drawn my sidearm — I keep it holstered in a manner that it’s not immediately visible from the front — and have it aimed at him.)

Me: “Before you comment on others’ intelligence, consider that you walked in here and somehow missing both that sign and the one outside stating we carry all manner of sporting goods, including firearms!”

(He dropped the knife and booked it out the door, leaving me to call the police and give them a full report. I can understand why he thought this would work, since the way the store is set up it’s not immediately evident we carry firearms, but at the same time, who honestly isn’t aware that guns are also classified as “sporting goods” in a state that permits open carry?)

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