Weekly Roundup: Customers Gone Wild. In this week’s roundup, we feature five stories of wild and unruly customers!
PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!
PS #2: Read more roundups here!
(I work at a twenty-four-hour convenience store on a college campus I attend. A man in his twenties comes in at about 4:00 am. He’s the only one in the store except me and one of my coworkers.)
Me: “Hi there! How’re you today?”
Customer: “Not bad.”
(He walks over to one of the three aisles in the store before starting to strip down naked. I’m taken aback and immediately start to call the police, while my coworker attempts to talk the man down.)
Coworker: “Hey, dude, what are you doing? Put your clothes on!”
Customer: “It’s a glorious day! A righteous day!”
(The man, now fully nude, begins to touch his body to the disgust of both of us. He starts rubbing his front up against the ice-cold freezer door.)
Me: “Sir, I’ve called the police. They’ll be here soon; please put your clothes on.”
(The customer mumbles incoherently as he rests up against the door, touching himself very inappropriately. My coworker manages to talk him into getting into his underwear as the cops arrive and arrest him.)
Cop #1: “What’s your name, son?”
Customer: “I AM GOD!”
Cop #1: “Yeah, okay, son. Let’s go.”
(The cops lead him out into the freezing air in only his underwear. Later in the day, they come back to explain why he did it.)
Cop #1: “Apparently, he was on four hits of acid and had just left a house party on campus!”
(The customer came in the next day demanding that we return his iPhone that “we clearly stole.” We threw him out of the store.)
This story is part of the Convenience Store roundup!
Read the next Convenience Store roundup story!
Read the Convenience Store roundup!
(It’s New Year’s Day at a popular gaming retail store. A disgruntled customer who appears to be a little caffeinated and twitchy walks up to the cashier, who is also the assistant manager. He slams a Nintendo Wiimote in poor condition on the counter. Not only has it clearly been used, but it’s crusty and looks very unsanitary.)
Customer: “Listen, I know you guys can’t give cash refunds without the receipt, but you’re going to have to do it. I’m the customer, so I’m right.”
(The assistant manager remains silent and looks at the Wiimote, obviously hesitant to touch it.)
Customer: “I used to work for [Game Shop] ten years ago, so I know how things work! Give me my cash!”
(My assistant manager looks to the cashier knowingly.)
Customer: “If you want, I can call the manager and he’ll tell you to do it! Give me my cash now!”
Assistant Manager: “You’re more than welcome to call the manager, but if you worked for [Game Store] 10 years ago, then you should know things may have changed. The manager you used to know probably doesn’t even work for this chain anymore.”
Customer: “Give me my f***ing cash!”
Assistant Manager: “You just crossed the line by cussing, sir. There are children present. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”
Customer: “I’m the f***ing customer!”
Assistant Manager: “Get out!”
Customer: “F*** you! You guys are f***ing r*****s!”
(The customer storms out of the store after grabbing his Wiimote.)
Me: “Well, that’s one way to start of the New Year!”
Assistant Manager: “Coming in here and cussing is not a good way to get what you want. I hadn’t even said ‘no’ yet. Although even if I could give him a cash refund for a ‘used’ controller, it was so crusty and disgusting that it looked like he dropped it in the toilet and then used it!”
This story is part of the New Year’s Day roundup!
Read the next New Year’s Day roundup story!
Read the New Year’s Day roundup!
(I have a rather unusual name that leads people into thinking I’m from overseas. Not helping matters is that I have a slight accent because my mother is from New Zealand.)
Me: “Hi, how are you today?”
Customer: “Fine, thanks.”
(She looks at me and reads my name tag.)
Customer: *slowly, while giving me the thumbs up* “I am very good, a-okay.”
Me: *confused* “Well, okay, then.”
Customer: “Where are you from?”
Me: “I live in [Nearby Neighbourhood].”
Customer: “Where. Were. You. Born?”
Me: “I was born in Australia, ma’am. I’ve lived here my whole life.”
Customer: “Don’t lie to me! That is not an Australian name; that’s a foreigner name!”
Me: “It is a bit unusual, isn’t it? My parents found it in a baby book. Customers have told me it means ‘brunette’ in Arabic.”
Customer: “Ah-hah! That’s where you’re from. That’s why you have that ridiculous voice! First, you blow up our soldiers, and now you’re working in our stores!”
(She suddenly snatches a bag of biscuits from the counter and throws it at me. I’m too surprised to do anything, but thankfully my manager sees the whole thing and comes over.)
Manager: *to me* “Go take a nice, long break, and let me finish up here.”
Customer: “Yeah, get lost, girlie! This nice Australian man is going to help me.”
Manager: *smiles* “Ma’am, I was born in Iran and immigrated to Australia when I was three.”
(The customer proceeded to scream in anger and threw something at my manager. She was thrown out of the store!)
This story is part of our “Where are you from?” roundup!
Read the next “Where are you from?” roundup story!
Read the “Where are you from?” roundup!
(I’m moving into a new apartment building, and one of my neighbors is helping me move a heavy couch up the stairs. While we are moving the couch, the building maintenance man gets in our way and will not move. Note: I am a male in pretty okay shape, and my neighbor is female and also in good shape.)
Maintenance Guy: *to my female neighbor* “Hey, fata**! I need a word with you.”
Me: “Could you move, please, [Maintenance Guy]? Just so we can get up to the landing and put the couch down.”
Maintenance Guy: “Just hold onto it. Worthless fata**es like you could stand to burn the extra calories that holding something heavy takes.”
Me: “Hey, buddy back off, man. She’s not fat.”
Neighbor: *to me* “Oh, don’t bother… He’s not worth listening to… about anything.”
Maintenance Guy: *to my neighbor* “SHUT UP! I SAID I HAVE TO TALK TO YOU!”
Neighbor: “Fine, talk then.”
Maintenance Guy: “You turned in a request to have a light fixture fixed.”
Neighbor: “Yes, I did. My roommate and I need the light in that room.”
Maintenance Guy: “Well, I can’t fix it until you get rid of your cat.”
Neighbor: *frowning* “Excuse me?”
Maintenance Guy: “I’m mildly allergic to cats. So you have to get rid of that stupid beast.”
Neighbor: “I’ll just fix if myself if you can’t take allergy meds like a normal person.”
Maintenance Guy: “Women can’t do electrician stuff!”
Me: “That’s not true. My girlfriend’s an electrician.”
Maintenance Guy: “No, she isn’t! Women can’t be real electricians! It’s not possible.”
(My neighbor sets the couch legs down on a step so it remains even, and turns it around to face him.)
Neighbor: “How’s about you take your worthless ideas and get out of here, hmm?”
Maintenance Guy: “What’re you gonna do about it, b****?” *takes a swing at her*
(Long story short, she kicked his a** without knocking me and the couch down the stairs. The maintenance man ended up getting fired for feeling up another female tenant and last I heard he’d been arrested.)
