(I overhear this after dropping my son off at cello lessons.)

Teacher: *to two children* “Violins are NOT weapons!”

(A woman approaches my register and slams a pile of clothes on the counter.)

Me: “Did you find everything okay?”

Customer: *giggles* “Yep. This trip was a steal!”

Me: “Well, we all get lucky, I guess.”

(One of the items doesn’t seem to have a price tag on it, so I ask her where she found it. She points at the back of the store.)

Customer: “It was in that side room you guys have.”

Me: *confused* “Side room? What are you talking about?

Customer: “That’s where you keep all the good stuff, right? There was a really cute scarf in there, too.”

(One of my coworkers, who is leaving for her lunch break, approaches the counter.)

Coworker: “Have you seen my scarf?”

Me: “What does it look like?”

Coworker: “It’s black, with pink stripes.”

(I hold up a scarf from the pile.)

Me: “This one?”

Coworker: “Yeah, where’d you find it?”

Me: *suddenly realizing what’s going on* “Ma’am, did you go into our staff room?”

Customer: “The side room? Yeah. That’s where I got this coat!”

(She holds up my coworker’s coat. I don’t know how, but she managed to open a locked room, with no one noticing, and took our stuff!)

Me: “Ma’am, these are not for sale. They’re our belongings.”

Customer: “You’re lying! You just want these for yourself!”

(She began throwing clothes at me, knocking over racks, and making a mess of the store before running out and yelling about how our store was robbing our customers. She didn’t even buy anything!)

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(We’re taking my little sister to attend a friend’s birthday party at a restaurant. Upon arriving, we witness another party that has gotten out of control, complete with children running all over the place and hitting each other with balloons while most of the adults just sit back and watch.)

Me: “Oh, great… Twenty-four children running around, trying to kill each other for cake and pizza while adults watch… This isn’t a birthday party; it’s the Hunger Games…”

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(We have two locations in town, one of which is open 24 hours most of the year. We are normally open until 11 pm. It’s Christmas Eve. A woman enters at 9.50 pm and grabs a trolley. She stops to look at me sympathetically.)

Customer: “Oh, you poor thing having to work on Christmas Eve. It’s so sad to split up families during the holidays for money. I hope the company is ashamed.”

Me: “Well, actually, ma’am, we close in ten minutes.”

Customer: “But you’re open until 11.”

Me: “Sorry, we close at 10 tonight because it’s Christmas. We’ll be opening again at 9 am Boxing Day.” *indicate multiple signs showing holiday opening hours*

Customer: “Well, that’s selfish! I need lots of things for tomorrow.” *exasperated sigh* “I’ll just go to [the 24-hour location] then.”

Me: “They also close at 10 pm tonight. Sorry about that.”

Customer: “But I need my things!”

Me: “They’re open 10-3 tomorrow for emergency supplies.”

Customer: “I can’t be expected to go out on Christmas day. You’ll just have to stay open.”

(She starts to shop and the security guard has to remove her. A week later, I’m working New Year’s Eve. She arrives at 10 past 9, as we’re locking up.)

Customer: “What? No! You said 10!”

Me: “That was last week. Tonight we close at 9.” *points at sign again* “And they’ll be closing up [24-hour location], too.”

Customer: “But I haven’t got any champagne for midnight!”

(She pushed me and snatched the keys from my hand before anyone could stop her. I was taken by surprise, fell back, and hit my head on the pavement. It took my two coworkers and the security guard to stop her trying to reopen the shop. I ended up spending New Year in hospital with concussion. She turned up next day to complain about me.)

(It’s New Year’s Eve and the mall closes at six pm. Anchor stores that have outside access can choose to stay open later. We have just closed our door and I begin to close the register. A customer bangs hard on our glass doors with both fists and screams something inaudible.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, the mall is closed.”

Customer: *screams inaudibly again*

Me: *walks to the door to better hear her*

Customer: “I need to buy [item] right now!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the mall is closed. It’s New Year’s Eve. We close at six pm as posted in several locations in the mall.”

Customer: “BUT I NEED [ITEM] RIGHT NOW! IT’S FOR MY NEW YEAR’S PARTY!”

Me: “Again, ma’am, I’m sorry but I cannot help you. As I said before, the mall is closed and has been for the past ten minutes.”

Customer: “THAT’S A LIE! [Anchor Store Across The Hall] IS OPEN!”

Me: “They have outside access through their store. We do not.” *starts to walk away*

Customer: *starts kicking our glass door*

Coworker: “Ma’am, my manager has already told you we cannot help you. If you continue to kick at our door we will be forced to call security.”

Customer: *runs*

(The item she wanted was a rather expensive hanging wall piece that had nothing to do with New Year’s. It most certainly wasn’t worth being detained.)

This story is part of the New Year’s Eve roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

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Read the New Year’s Eve roundup!