Weekly Roundup: Customers Gone Wild!

, | Not Always Right | Right | May 26, 2013

Weekly Roundup: Customers Gone Wild. In this week’s roundup, we feature five stories of wild and unruly customers!

  1. Disco Stu Does Not Approve (6,052 thumbs up)
  2. A Bad Day To Be A Pair Of Jeans (2,271 thumbs up)
  3. Driving Miss Crazy, Part 2 (4,653 thumbs up)
  4. So Much For Spit & Run (2,931 thumbs up)
  5. Cower Before My Shower Of Flowers (1,144 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

Don’t Mess With Employees, Part 2

, | Not Always Right | Right | July 8, 2012

Don’t Mess With Employees, Part 2! This week, we return with part two of the roundup that started it all: teaching misbehaving customers the consequences of messing with employees!

  1. Why Barkeeps Should Rule The World (6,011 thumbs up)
    A cheap patron asks a stupid question and gets a priceless answer!
  2. Scamming In Plain Sight (4,764 thumbs up)
    The only damage this scamming customer will get is to his wallet.
  3. Coming To A Theater Near You: Gangsta Ushers (2,937 thumbs up)
    A thieving movie customer gets the show of a lifetime!
  4. Don’t Mess With The Candyland Gang (1,794 thumbs up)
    What do a Fairy, Santa Clause, and a six-foot Snowman have in common?
  5. Choose Your Battles (3,653 thumbs up)
    A violent video game customer learns it’s best not to wrestle with wrestlers!

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

Weekend Roundup: When Customers Attack!

, | Not Always Right | Right | April 15, 2012

When Customers Attack! This week, we share stories of unruly customers who prefer (violent) action over words!

  1. Bull In A China Shop:
    Sticks & stones may break my bones, but naked, guitar-throwing customers can really hurt me!
  2. Acute Mental Failure:
    HULK CAN’T FIGURE OUT HOSPITAL DOOR! HULK SMASH!
  3. (Full) Front(al) Desk:
    Can’t check into your hotel room, lady? Just mentally check out by ripping off your clothes and running in circles!
  4. Fudge In Flight:
    A customer airs their fudge frustrations by sending their ice cream sundae airborne.
  5. Marriage: The Ultimate Slippery Slope:
    Here’s to throwing your belongings in the air like you just don’t care!

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

Fighting Fire With Fire

, , | | Right | August 13, 2008

(A father is letting five kids make a complete mess of the restaurant. They’re ripping napkins and using it as confetti, breaking chopsticks, and screaming their little heads off.)

Me: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to tell them to stop doing that. They are disturbing the other customers.”

Father: *beaming* “No.”

Me: “No, as in, no, you won’t tell them to stop it?”

Father: *still beaming*“Yes.”

(I have to get back to work at this point and sure enough, the kids keep misbehaving. Several customers complain to me but I have no authority to throw them out. The last to complain is a table with about eight young guys.)

Customer #1: “So there’s nothing you can do about them?”

Me: “I’m so very sorry, sir, but no. I can get you a drink from the house to make up for it.”

Customer #2: “No, that won’t do.”

Me: “Well, I can see if I can get you a free dessert…”

Customer #2: “Not what I meant. Can’t you get your boss?”

Me: “I’m afraid he’s not in, sir.”

Customer #1: “Well, we won’t accept any free stuff. I bet that would come out of your pay.”

Customer #3: “Hold on…”

(The customer gets up and the others immediately follow him to the noisy, messy table. They’re now surrounded by eight tall, young men who look mighty pissed.)

Customer #3: *to the father* “Tell them to stop it.”

Father: *still beaming* “No.”

Customer #1: “You’re upsetting the waitress.”

Father: “Do you guys even work here?”

Customer #1: “No, we’re from that prison up the street. We’re out on parole. Funny coincidence, we all served seven years for kidnapping and murdering a bunch of noisy brats and a jerk who made minimum-wage waitresses cry.”

(At this point the kids become very, very quiet and the other patrons start giggling and staring.)

Father: “You’re lying.”

Customer #4: “Wanna take that chance, buddy?”

(One more lecherous grin was enough to send the whole bunch of misfits scurrying to the exit. My knights in shining armor actually got applause from the other diners and a free meal from me.)

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From Parallel To Perpendicular

, | | Right | July 2, 2008

(In our hospital sleep lab, we have a bunch of rooms with beds for people to sleep on. Every room is monitored and recorded with a video camera so we can watch the patients while they’re sleeping. One day, my daughter’s math teacher came in…)

Me: “Hey, Mr. [Teacher]! Let me hook you up and you can get to sleep.”

Teacher: “All right.”

(I hook him up and tell him to try to sleep as quickly as he can. We don’t give our patients sleep medication because that could interfere with their normal sleep habits. As I return to the control room, I hear hysterical laughter.)

Me: “What’s going on?”

Coworker: “Who did you say that guy was?”

Me: “Oh! My daughter’s math teacher at her high school.”

(Everyone laughs harder.)

Me: “What is going on??”

(My coworker points to the screen showing Mr. [Teacher]’s room. He’s masturbating.)

Me, over the intercom: “MR. [Teacher], PLEASE! You are being recorded!”

Teacher: “But you said to go to sleep as fast as I can!”

Me: “That’s not appropriate!”

Teacher: “Well, fine! I guess a man can’t get any privacy when he’s trying to sleep! YOU’RE inappropriate! Why the h*** were you watching me?!” *gets dressed and storms out of the hospital*

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