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(Full) Front(al) Desk

, , , | Right | May 12, 2008

Me: “Good morning, sir, would you like a room for the night?”

Husband: “Ummmmm… I dunno, let me go ask my wife.”

(He leaves for about ten minutes.)

Husband: “She said yes. How much for one bed?”

Me: “It’s 79 plus tax, sir, but the only single bedrooms we have right now are smoking rooms.”

Husband: “Okay, let me go ask my wife.”

(He’s gone for another ten minutes or so. He comes back with his wife.)

Wife: “Why don’t you have any non-smoking rooms?”

Me: “We sold out of them earlier this afternoon. In fact, we only have three rooms left for the night.”

Wife: “Well, that’s the stupidest thing I’ve heard in all my life! You are going to rent me a room or I’m going to have to speak to your manager!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, what kind of room would you like? ”

Wife: “WE would like a single, NON-SMOKING ROOM!”

Me: “I already told you and your husband that we only have smoking rooms available.”

Wife: “I. WANT. NON. SMOKING.”

Me: “I only have smoking rooms left. If you want, though I can give you the location of another hotel.”

Husband: “We’re only gonna be here a few hours. Smoking is fine. I’m just sleeping.”

(They bicker back and forth for nearly twenty minutes. Another customer comes up to the desk, and I offer to help her.)

Wife: “You will not help anyone else until you help me!”

(The other customer doesn’t seem to mind and stands back.)

Wife: “Just give me the stupid smoking room.”

Me: “I need to see your driver’s license, ma’am.”

Wife: “WHAT? ARE YOU F***ING KIDDING ME! I’VE NEVER BEEN ASKED FOR MY LICENSE AT ANY HOTEL BEFORE!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s standard procedure for pretty much any hotel you go to. It’s for liability reasons, and in case the room is damaged in any way.”

Wife: “F*** YOU! YOU’RE A F***ING SPY! I WILL NOT BE KEPT UNDER SURVEILLANCE! F*** YOU AND YOUR STUPID F***ING HOTEL!”

(The wife proceeds to throw everything she can reach at me, and tries coming over the counter at me. She then starts stripping off her clothes and running around in circles in the lobby. Thankfully the other customer calls 911 and the police arrive in moments. I gave the second lady a complimentary room.)


This story is part of our Weird Hotel Guests roundup!

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Even Owners Have A Stupid Quota, Part 2

, , , , , , | Right | May 12, 2008

(A customer spends about fifteen minutes asking every employee where to find the nine-inch taper candles that she bought the last time she visited the store. All the while, she is holding onto a ten-inch taper candle. Our store has never carried a nine-inch taper candle–they only come in six, eight, ten, twelve, and fifteen inches. The store owner is observing the customer during this whole time.)

Customer: “I want to talk to the manager!”

Manager: *who is also the wife of the owner* “How may I help you?”

Customer: “I know I bought nine-inch taper candles here before. Show me where they are located.”

Manager: “I am sorry, but we have never sold a nine-inch taper candle. They do not come in that size.”

Customer: “I know you had them! Where are they?”

(The owner reaches out and grabs the ten-inch taper from the customer’s hand. He bites off one inch of the taper and hands it back to the customer.)

Owner: “THERE IS YOUR NINE-INCH TAPER CANDLE!”

Customer: *to the wife of the owner* “I want to talk to the OWNER!”

Manager: “You just did.”


This story is part of the Awesome Manager roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 Stories About Employees Giving The Customer The Perfect Comeback

 

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Geez, I Wonder How It Broke

, , , | Right | April 26, 2008

(A man walks up to the repair counter and puts a computer on the counter.)

Man: “I need to get this fixed.”

Me: “Okay, if you can just start by filling out these forms, I’ll plug in the unit in and see what’s up.”

Man: “It just doesn’t turn on at all anymore.”

(I can’t help but notice that the bay of connectors on the system appears to have been KICKED in. My coworker notices this and silently laughs.)

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid that the system is physically damaged, and our warranties don’t cover this. I can price up a non-warranty repair if you like, but it’s likely to be pricey because the logic board appears to have been, er, cracked.”

Man: “WHAT?! What in the f*** are you talking about?”

Me: “As you can see, there is a large dent in the back of the unit, and it has damaged the logic board.”

Man: “Well, I didn’t f****** do that; it must’ve happened in the f****** car! I had to stop hard and it slid off the f****** seat.”

Coworker: “Actually, sir, it seems as if it was damaged by impacts, such as by a boot or a hammer. Regardless, even if that were the case and it did happen in the car, it’s still non-covered physical damage.”

Man: “That’s f****** bulls***! It didn’t work before that happened in the f****** car like I’m telling you it did, so you need to fix it!”

Me: “I’m afraid that any type of physical damage voids your warranty.”

Man: “So what the f*** are you telling me?!”

Coworker: “Well, we could fix it, but it’s likely more cost-effective to buy a new system.”

(The man, showing clear anger-management issues, which we assume is what happened, shoves the computer over, causing it to slam down and the side to break.)

Man: “SO WHAT DID I BUY A F****** WARRANTY FOR?!”

Coworker: “Well, sir, as we said, physical damage isn’t covered by the warranty… and now we have the cause of physical damage on the camera, too.”

Man: “Oh, f*** this s***, and f*** all of you.”

(The man picks up the computer and walks over to the customer service counter, slamming it down on that counter, causing more damage. He demands to speak to a manager, who told him the same thing we did.)

Man: *suddenly shouting* “F*** this f****** place to f****** h***. I’m gonna f****** sue the f*** outta y’all!”

(The man stormed out, leaving his computer at the counter.)


This story is part of our Swearing Customers roundup!

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Fowl Behavior

, | Right | April 16, 2008

(I work in an upscale grocery store deli. Sometimes we run out of rotisserie chickens before the next batch is done cooking. A woman comes up to the counter holding a grocery basket.)

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “Do you have any chickens?”

Me: “I’m sorry but it looks like we are out right now. It’s going to be about 10 to 15 minutes.”

Customer: *throws her basket down onto the floor hard enough that it slides about 7 feet and quickly stomps out the nearest door*

Me: “!?”

At Least She Was Honest

, , | Right | April 15, 2008

(I get a service call to go out to a customer’s house to service a malfunctioning laptop. I was talking to my boss and he gave me the rundown of the call.)

Me: “Alright, so what exactly does the customer want?”

Supervisor: “She says her laptop isn’t turning on, and there might be something wrong with her LCD screen.”

Me: “Okay, sounds like a hardware problem. Did she tell you why all this is going on?”

Supervisor: “Well… she was completely honest with me.”

Me: “…?”

Supervisor: “She got angry and threw it against a concrete wall in a fit of rage.”

Me: “…I’ll take care of it.”