Insatiable

, | Right | January 12, 2008

Me: “One tall cappuccino!”

Customer: *picks up drink, opens lid and looks inside* “Excuse me. There’s a lot of room in here. The top is nothing but foam.”

Me: “Yes, that’s what a cappuccino is. It’s basically the same thing as a latte but with more foam.”

Customer: “I don’t get you guys. You guys make me think I’m buying more by calling a small drink a tall, and now you just fill my drink up with foam.”

Me: “I’m sorry. If you’d like, I could just get you a latte.”

Customer: “No, that’s alright but I will take a passion tea lemonade.”

(I do her order and she comes back.)

Customer: “WHY IS THERE SO MUCH ICE?! F*** YOU GUYS AND YOUR RIP OFF DRINKS!”

(Customer storms off with the drink and chucks it at the window outside.)

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Please Let These Questions Be Rhetorical

, , , | Right | January 9, 2008

Customer: “Why don’t you have any more?!”

Me: “…because everyone else bought them all.”

Customer: “BUT WHY?!”

Me: “I don’t know… maybe for the same reason you want to buy them?”

Customer: “And what reason is that?!”

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Kill Them With Kindness

, | Right | December 27, 2007

Me: “Thank you for calling [Tech Support]. How can I help?”

Customer: *very irate* “Yeah! I didn’t pay my Internet bill and now it’s saying my account is suspended and I want to know why!”

Me: “Okay, you didn’t pay your bill, we suspended your account, and you would like to know why?”

Customer: “Yes! Why? Why did you suspend it?”

Me: “All right, let me take a look here… My system shows it suspended the account because you didn’t pay the last bill we sent.”

Customer: “I know I didn’t pay the bill! Have a little f****** sympathy here! Are you customer service?”

Me: “I’m tech support.”

Customer: “Where is customer service at?!”

Me: “Our billing department handles all our customer service issues. I’ll transfer you down to them.”

Customer: “You’re acting like a real a**hole; you know that? You need to have more empathy for people!”

Me: *in the most uppity happy-go-lucky voice ever conceived; I almost gagged from bringing so much joy up* “You have yourself a fabulously sunshine-filled day, sir!”

Customer: “WHAT’S YOUR F****** NA–” *click*

(Gotta love that transfer button…)

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We Need One Of These In Every Store

, , , | Right | December 20, 2007

Employee: *making out a rain check* “Okay, I’m just going to look on the computer and check if any other locations have this item.”

Nice Customer: “Okay, thanks.”

Angry Customer: “Stop f***ing socializing and do your g**d*** job!”

Employee: “Sir, please don’t be abusive. I’m just checking our other loc–”

Angry Customer: “I don’t care! DO YOUR JOB!”

(At this point, the angry customer moved toward the counter in a very threatening way. The customer behind HIM, a super-fit guy in a UFC jacket, stepped in. Mr. UFC grabbed the angry customer in a CHOKE HOLD and dragged him outside, followed quickly by management. The angry customer was banned from the store and Mr. UFC got a gift card.)

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No Problem, We Have A Cow Out Back

, , , | Right | November 14, 2007

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]! Can I get you something to drink?”

Elderly Customer: *pounds fists on table* “I WANT BEEF!”

Me: “O… kay… If you’re ready to order, I could get you our [Roast Beef Entree]?”

Elderly Customer: “I don’t care. I just want beef!”

Me: “Okay…” *sighs*

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