(I work at a local grocery store. My job is usually handing out samples of products, and today there is a new brand of cookies we will be stocking in our bake shop. My sample table consists of a tray of the product and some pamphlets about it. Behind the table, about ten feet high, taped to a wall, are large custom refillable balloons that have our store logo and “SAMPLES” written on them that we use to bring attention to the sampling table. I’ve run out of product and have gone to fetch a few more packages. Upon my return, I see a man, standing on top of the sample table, ripping the balloons from the wall.)

Me: “Sir! Please get down from there!”

Customer #1: “What? I’m just getting my kids some balloons!”

Me: “Those balloons are not for sale, they’re for display.”

Customer #1: “Well, how the f*** am I supposed to know that?!”

Me: “They’re attached to a wall, above customers’ reach! Now, please get down off the table!”

(The customer jumps down off the table, causing it to snap in half. My manager comes over to the area. A nearby customer, [Customer #2], walks over, as well.)

Manager: “[My Name]! Are you okay? What happened!”

Me: “I’m fine, this customer—“

Customer #1: *interrupts* “She put those balloons too high for me to reach! I could have been killed trying to get them! Then she yelled at me!”

Customer #2: “Sir, I saw the whole thing. This young lady wasn’t rude or anything; she was only telling him to get off that table. He was standing on it, pulling down that display. He broke the table when he jumped off.”

Manager: *to [Customer #1]* “Is that true, sir?”

Customer #1: “I just wanted some f****** balloons!”

Manager: “Those balloons were clearly not for sale, and you’ve damaged both them, and this table. You’ll need to pay for the damages you’ve caused.”

Customer #1: “Fine!” *throws a dollar at my manager*

Manager: “Sir, the table is $100 and those balloons are $15 each, and you’ve ruined three of them.”

Customer #1: “THAT’S LIKE A HUNDRED AND FIFTY F****** DOLLARS! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I’M NOT PAYING THAT!”

Manager: *sternly* “Well, then we’ll just have to have you arrested for destroying store property.” *takes out his phone*

Customer #1: “No, wait. Don’t call the cops; I’ll pay!”

(After going to the back to do the money and paperwork, my manager then comes back over to me.)

Manager: “You handled everything perfectly. Good job.”

Me: “Thank you.”

Manager: “Go next door to [Hardware Store] and get a new table. When you get back, I think we’ll have an employee pizza day!”

(The phone rings.)

Me: “[Store], [My Name] speaking.”

Customer: “Sorry, I wanted [Competitor].” *hangs up*

(About a minute later, the phone rings again.)

Me: “[Store], [My Name] speaking.”

Customer: “Argh, I wanted [Competitor]!” *hangs up*

(Less than a minute later, the phone rings again.)

Me: *sigh* “[Store], [My Name] speaking.”

Customer: “F***, why can’t I get [Competitor]?”

Me: “Well, if you keep calling the same number, you’re going to keep getting the same store.”

Customer: “But this is the number I was given!” *hangs up*

(Seconds later, the phone rings again.)

Me: “[Store]—“

Customer: *cuts me off* “F***, if you say you’re [Store] again, I’m going to come down there and kill you.”

Me: *pauses* “Yeah, I still work for [Store], and I should tell you that as soon as we are done here, I will be forwarding your phone number to the police. Have a nice day.” *hangs up*

(I called the police immediately after. It turns out he had a long history of making threats, and was currently out on bail for a similar charge. I’m guessing it was revoked.)

(I work for a well-known fast food chain. Due to the general law, smoking is prohibited in our restaurant. I catch a customer lighting a cigarette inside the building.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir. Would you please extinguish your cigarette?”

Customer: “Why? I can smoke if I want! What’s the problem?”

Me: “Due to general law, it’s prohibited to smoke inside restaurants.”

Customer: *pulls out his wallet and hands me a fifty-euro bill* “Take this and you saw nothing.”

Me: “Sir, are you asking me to ignore federal law?”

Customer: *puts the bill back in the wallet* “If you don’t want… Just make an offer.”

Me: *getting a bit angry* “Sir, your offer was illegal — just as illegal as it is to smoke within restaurants. Please extinguish your cigarette now!”

(Other customers are turning their faces towards us. The customer walks over to me and leans forward on the register desk, holding the cigarette directly in front of my face. I have to take a step backward to avoid getting burned.)

Customer: *with an angry voice* ”You don’t have to say anything. You’re not the cops!”

(He flipped his cigarette directly into our fryer and stomped out. The hot fat caught fire immediately, so we had to evacuate the building and call the fire department. They arrived quickly. We made a report about this man, and a few days later he was caught. He had to pay the complete damage he caused and went to jail for one year due to endangering people and willful damage.)

(A woman comes up to the counter.)

Me: “Hello. Did you find everything today?”

Customer: *no answer*

(I continue to scan the items until I get to the total.)

Customer: “That’s not the right f****** price!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Which one is incorrect?”

Customer: “The handbag, you f****** idiot!”

Me: “Okay, if you show me where the handbag is from, I can have a look at the signage and correct the price for you.”

(She walks me over to the bag and I explain that this particular item is not on sale.)

Customer: “Get me your manager!”

(I walk over to the phone and call the manager to come down.)

Me: “The manager is just coming down; she will be with you in a moment.”

(Less than thirty seconds later, the woman slaps her hand on the desk and screams abuse at me.)

Customer: “WHERE IS THE F****** MANAGER?! IF I DON’T HAVE A MANAGER HERE IN TWO SECONDS I WILL HAVE YOU FIRED!”

(My colleague then politely replies for me.)

Colleague: “If you would just like to wait a few more seconds, I’m sure the manager will be right with you.”

(The woman then really makes a turn for the worst. She leans over the desk, grabs my colleague’s shirt, and pulls her in.)

Customer: “YOU F****** LITTLE COW! I WILL HAVE YOUR JOB FOR THAT! YOU NEED TO LEARN SOME F****** MANNERS! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?! HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT?! CONSIDER YOURSELF FIRED!”

(My colleague is in tears and another colleague comes to take her away from the situation. She takes my colleague away and another one comes in.)

Colleague #2: “How dare you talk to our staff like that?! What gives you the right to talk to an employee like that, let alone touch them?!”

(By this point my manager has seen all of the events and comes over to intervene.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “I’m f****** suing you for false advertisement! On top of that, your b**** of an employee just verbally assaulted me! I’m going to the head office and the police about this!”

Manager: “Actually, madam, you were verbally abusing my staff. I have heard the entire altercation and I have a good mind to call the police myself and have you arrested.”

Customer: “You can’t call the police on me! I know my rights!”

Manager: “Actually, I can call the police, and if you don’t leave my store immediately, I will.”

Customer: “I’m not leaving until I get my free handbag and make my complaint!”

Manager: “One, you are absolutely not getting a free handbag. Two, here is the number for the head office; feel free to make as many complaints against me as you like.”

(My manager then gets very close to the customer and says very clearly:)

Manager: “AND THREE, IF YOU EVER TALK ABOUT OR TO ANY OF MY EMPLOYEES LIKE THAT AGAIN, I WILL DROP YOU.”

(The customer turned white and grumbled out of the door.)

(I’m wiping down tables and cleaning the lobby. My coworker is African American and very tall. He’s working the registers. I’m short and about eight months pregnant, and I look high-school age.)

Customer: “Sir, can you get someone to help me? I don’t trust you with my order.”

Coworker: “Ma’am, I can take your order.”

Customer: “No, you can’t. Your ‘kind’ rarely have a high school education. You’ll steal my identity!”

Coworker: *sigh* “[My Name], can you come handle this transaction?”

Me: “How can I help you, ma’am?”

Customer: “I will not have a high school dropout whore handle my information, either! Get me someone else!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not in high school, and I’m quite happily married. How may I help you?”

(She ignores me and looks around, seeing my manager in the back. My manager is Hispanic, transgender from male to female, and from the back she doesn’t look like it with her gorgeous long hair.)

Customer: “Get me your manager! That manager right there! She should be able to help me! She obviously has her life together!”

Manager: *in an obviously male voice* “How can I help you, ma’am?”

Customer: “Abominations! Abominations, all of you! Get me your highest manager, right now! I demand I have a decent person who can take my order!”

(My GM has seen everything on the security monitors, and my manager goes and explains everything to him.)

Manager: “Ma’am, he’ll be out shortly.”

General Manager: *with a “gay” accent* “How can I help you, darling?”

Customer: *running out, pushing me over in the process* “Abominations! Every one of you! Abominations!”

(I went into premature labor, thanks to her, and had a healthy baby girl! I found out later that the same woman was arrested the same day in my fast food restaurant; she came in while my GM was giving the police officers her information for attacking me.)