Don’t Knock It Until You’ve Pried It

, , , , , | Right | February 24, 2011

(We are closed and counting money from the register when a customer approaches the locked door and tries to open it. She notices the closed sign and tries the door again, then knocks on the door loudly and pulls hard on the door — so hard, in fact, that she manages to fit her shoe through the crack. Worried about a broken door, I open the door quickly.)

Customer: “Are you open?”

Me: “No, we are closed.”

Customer: “Then why did you open the door?!”

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Let Me Give You A Pizza My Mind

, , , , | Right | February 11, 2011

(I work at a pizza place that is within walking distance of my house. Our house number and the number for the restaurant are identical except that two numbers are swapped, so occasionally people accidentally call my house number. It is a Sunday, which is the one day the restaurant is closed.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Yes, hi. Can I get two large pepperoni–”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, you have the wrong number. [Restaurant] is clo-”

Caller: “No, this is [Restaurant]! I recognize your voice! Don’t lie to me!”

Me: “I’m sure you do, because I work there. But this is my house number, and it’s my day off because [Restaurant] is closed today. If you call the right number–”

Caller: “No, you’re not closed today! Now put in my f****** order!”

(I hang up on the guy because I do not like his attitude. He calls again, and I answer, this time with my dad listening in from the other room.)

Caller: “You hung up on me!”

Me: “Yes, sir, I did. You have the wrong number, and the restaurant is closed.

Caller: “Get me the owner! I’m having you fired!”

Me: “Sir, he does not live with me and therefore I cannot.”

Caller: “You stupid b****! Who the f*** do you think you are?!”

(The guy starts screaming obscenities. My dad has been listening in and has had enough.)

Dad: “Sir, if you’ve got a problem, you’re going to have to deal with me!”

Caller: “Is this the manager?! Great! I want–”

Dad: “No, this is her father. This is a private residence and I don’t want you calling here again. And if you have a problem with that, I want you to say it to my face.”

Caller: “Fine! I’ll be right there!” *click*

(The guy drove out to the restaurant, where my dad decided to wait for him outside. My father is 6’6″ and weighs nearly 300 lbs. I saw the guy pull up to see my dad and the closed sign right behind where he was standing. The guy’s face turned completely white and he jumped back in his car and sped off. When I went back to work the next day, the guy came in for an order. He left a note of apology and a $20 tip in the tip jar.)

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You (Could Have) Had Me At Hello

, , , , | Right | February 3, 2011

(I’m an employee stocking the shelf at one end of an aisle. A customer enters at the far end by the milk and is coughing constantly.)

Customer: *coughs*

(I briefly glance over. She’s staring at the milk.)

Customer: *coughs again*

(There’s a long pause. She’s still staring at the milk.)

Customer: *loud coughing*

(I turn to see if she is covering her mouth, but instead, see her charging down the aisle at me.)

Customer: “What is wrong with you?! I’ve been coughing to get your attention down there for five minutes! ”

Me: “Ma’am, I glanced over at you several times. You never looked at me.”

Customer: “Oh, yes I did! What does a person have to do here, fall on the floor and have a seizure to get some milk?!”


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Loathe Of Bread

, , , , | Right | October 15, 2010

(I work at a bakery that cuts bread with a machine.)

Me: “Okay, sir, would you like me to cut your bread for you?”

Customer: “How?”

Me: “This machine here will cut it.”

Customer: “You use a machine rather than cutting it by hand?!”

Me: “Yes, sir, it is quicker and gets the job done well.”

Customer: *at this point he is getting furious* “This is outrageous! You use a machine to do a man’s job! You are putting people out of their jobs! You are ruining the natural process of man and the cutting of bread.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I didn’t realize. Would you like me to cut your bread by hand?”

Customer: “No, use the machine! I’m in a big rush to get to my sister’s place. It’s her birthday, you know.”


This story is part of our Ironic Customer roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 Times The Post Office Was Unable To Deliver That Much Stupid

 

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When Rants Get Real

, , , , , | Right | October 2, 2010

(These customers are usually regulars and rant with us.)

Customer: “Those d*** telemarketers keep calling me at home. I swear, one of these days, I’m going to find those f***s and gun them down!”

Me: “Aww, that’s hardly fair. They’re just doing their job, you know?”

Customer: “Yeah, well that’s what the Nazis said at Nuremberg.”

Me: “Are you honestly trying to comparing somebody calling you at home inconveniently equal to genocide?”

Customer: “D*** right, it is. They should do something about it, too! Hold a trial or something.”

Me: “Sir, I don’t think it’s really fair to make that sort of judgment on any individual.”

Customer: “Oh, so you’re saying that what the Nazis did was okay?”

Me: “Not at all. Just that it’s a bit of a stretch.”

Customer: “Uh-huh… You seem like the kind of guy who’d stand up for the terrorists, too, wouldn’t you? I bet if they built a mosque on Ground Zero, you’d be okay with that, too?!”

Me: “They’re already doing that.”

Customer: “Wait, what!?”

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