Feel The Burn, Pay For The Lawsuits

, , | Right | June 15, 2009

(I work for a construction company that often works on residential streets. As we are working on one road, a woman steps under the caution tape and proceeds to walk through the construction zone.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but you’ll have to go around this area. I could give you an alternate–”

Woman: “NO!”

Me: “Uh, I’m afraid you have to. It’s against the law to go into construction zones.”

Woman: “CAN’T YOU SEE I’M GETTING MY F****** EXERCISE?!”

Me: “…”

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Fudge In Flight

, , , | Right | June 9, 2009

Customer: “This isn’t a hot fudge sundae.”

Coworker: “No, it isn’t. I’m afraid we don’t make it with hot fudge here.”

Customer: “Then I’m not paying for it!”

Coworker: “I’m afraid you have to. The menu states that it’s not made with hot fudge.”

Customer: “FINE!” *throws the ice cream at my coworker*

Coworker: *covered with ice cream* “I’m suddenly glad we don’t have hot fudge.”


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Guardian Of The Tubes And Protector Of The Google

, , , , | Right | June 5, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling [Cable Company]. How can I–”

Caller: “Yeah, I’ve heard all that already, sir, so I don’t need any more of your crap, okay?!”

Me: “Okay, sir, what can I do to–”

Caller: “Look, buddy, my Internet is down, and you need to get it up right now or I’m going to get your a** fired!”

Me: “Sir, I want to get this problem resolved for you just as soon as possible, but you need to–”

Caller: “I don’t need to do s***! That’s it! I want to speak to your supervisor. No, I want to speak to your supervisor’s supervisor! I WANT TO SPEAK TO THE MAYOR OF THE INTERNET!”

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Batteries And Brains Not Included

, , , , , | Right | June 3, 2009

Me: “[Video Game Store]. how can I help you?”

Caller: “I’d like to return my 320.”

Me: “You mean your Xbox 360?”

Caller: “Yeah, whatever, it has numbers in it.”

Me: “Okay, has it been opened?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Then I can’t return the 360 for you. I can only give you a defective exchange.”

(At this point, caller gets very agitated and begins yelling and cursing on the phone.)

Me: “Ma’am, can you stop yelling?”

Caller: “I demand to speak to your manager! This is outrageous! You have no idea what you are doing in the retail business. Customers are ALWAYS right.”

Me: “To a certain extent, yes. I can give you a defective exchange, but that’s it.”

Caller: “Well, how the h*** am I supposed to know if my 360 works or not with the exchange?!”

Me: “You’ll know if it blinks green lights or red lights when you plug it into the TV.”

Caller: “I don’t have a f****** TV!”

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Reach Out And Touch Someone’s Nerve

, | Right | May 13, 2009

Me: *on the phone* “Good morning. [My Name] speaking.”

Customer: “I need to speak to a computer technician.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but nobody’s in right now. We don’t open for another twenty minutes or so. Did you want to try calling back in about half an hour?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Um… okay. Can I take a message for them to call you back?”

Customer: “No! I called NOW, so I want to talk to a computer technician NOW!”

Me: “…but there’s nobody in to take your call.”

Customer: “I need to speak with your manager.”

Me: “Uh, why?”

Customer: *angry* “I’M GOING TO GET YOU FIRED BECAUSE YOU MADE ME THINK YOU WERE OPEN BY ANSWERING YOUR F****** PHONE!”

Me: “So… you would’ve been happier if nobody answered?”

Customer: “OH, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT!”

Me: “I think I do. Bye now!” *click*

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