(I am stocking shelves in my store when a customer walks up to me.)
Customer: “Do you know why Clorox is called Clorox?”
Me: “Possibly because its active ingredients include chlorine and oxygen atoms?”
Customer: “There’s no oxygen in Clorox! That’s what we breathe! You kids need to go back to school, cause you ain’t learnin’ nothin’!” *storms away*
Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. This is [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”
Caller: “Hi, [My Name]. Look, my TV controller won’t work. Can you help me?”
(I try troubleshooting, but nothing I suggest seems to work. After almost twenty minutes, he hangs up, saying he’ll call back. A few hours later…)
Coworker: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How may I help you?”
Caller: “Can I speak to [My Name]? I talked to him a few hours ago.”
Coworker: “Oh, I’m sorry. He clocked out half an hour ago.”
Caller: “Oh, okay. Well, when you see him again, tell him I found out why my controller wouldn’t work. I probably should’ve told him I had spilled soda all over it.”
(I’m working the register at a college cafeteria when a girl about my age walks up. She has a cast wrapped around her hand and wrist.)
Me: “How can I help you?”
Customer: “I broke my hand. Can I get a free bottle of pop?”
Me: “Um, I can ask my manager.”
Customer: “Okay.”
(I go to the back office and tell my manager what just happened. He’s a really nice guy, but in this situation he just looks at me in disbelief and says no. I go back out to the register.)
Me: “Sorry, my manager says no.”
Customer: “Okay.” *laughs* “It was worth a try!”
(We are whitewater rafting in West Virginia. While floating between rapids, a girl in her mid-20s from a large city in Virginia randomly starts asking me questions.)
Customer: “Man! There are a lot of trees here. Why are there so many trees? Can’t you take some of them out?”
Me: “Um, okay. Why do we need to take the trees out?”
Customer: “Well, I thought trees had to be at least twenty feet apart!”
(It’s obvious she’s a city girl, so I decide to have a little fun.)
Me: “Oh, well let me explain. You see, over in Virginia, they plowed down the forest, built your parking lot, and then planted a couple trees to try and make it look pretty. Here in West Virginia, the trees naturally grew this way and we decided to leave them because we like oxygen.”
Customer: “Oh… well, trees are ugly.”
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(A young man and two young women approach the lane with several bottles of wine. They are carded. The man is old enough to buy, but the girls aren’t.)
Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t sell to you.”
Customer: “Why not? I’m over 21!”
Me: “But they’re not.”
Customer: “They’re not the ones buying. I am!”
Me: “Then why did you bring them in with you?”
Customer: “Because I didn’t know what kind they liked.”
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