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The Lucky Last Slice

, , , , , | Working | May 7, 2021

I’m eating a pizza with a friend. When there’s only one slice left, I notice a hair baked into the crust. I go to complain.

Me: “There’s a hair baked into this pizza. I’d like a discount on our bill, please.”

Clerk: “I can get you another pizza.”

Me: “We just ate the entire pizza before we realized it was unsanitary. I don’t want another pizza; I’d like a discount.”

Clerk: “All I can offer you is another pizza.”

I take the hair in my fingers and lift. The entire slice rises. I hold it, dangling in the air by the hair for several seconds.

Clerk: “I’ll get you a discount.”

Wishing You Could Flip Them The Bird, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | April 19, 2021

My store sells ducklings and chicks during March and April and will promote them for Easter sales. It is the day before Easter when this happens.

I get to work for the closing shift and am called to the bird pen as soon as I clock in. During my time in there, I sell about a dozen chicks and the last two ducklings we have to a nice family with two small children.

Not ten minutes later, an angry-looking woman and her husband come up to the service desk and tell me someone put ducks back for them. Confused, I go to the back room to check if someone put them in the “sick chick” box to hold them. Nothing’s back there.

I head back to the customer and tell her that there are no more ducks in the store and that I am sorry for the inconvenience.

She looks at me and calls me “a f****** liar” and says, “You all promised me birds.” I simply tell her that birds are sold on a first-come, first-served basis, and again, that I’m sorry for the circumstances.

She leaves in an angry huff, exclaiming that she’ll never come back to our “h***-hole” store. 

I walk away glad that the birds are gone. Who knows what would have happened if she had gotten them?

Wishing You Could Flip Them The Bird

The True Cost Of Healthcare

, , , | Right | March 23, 2021

I work at the main desk at a VERY large hospital. I have a couple walk up to my desk.

Woman: “Hello, we need to find a patient’s room number.”

Me: “Not a problem! What’s the last name?”

I grab two visitor passes and a sharpie.

Woman: “[Patient].”

I quickly look up the room number and turn to write it on the visitor passes.

Me: “Okay, 431.”

I glance up to see that the couple’s eyes have gone wide and they are looking at me as if I have lost my mind.

Woman: “You… have to pay to visit someone?!”

Me: “Uh, no… it is room 431.” 

I motion to the visitor passes I have already written the room number on.

Woman: “Oh! Good! I don’t have no money!”

The Greased Wheel Doesn’t Get Squeaked At

, , , , | Learning | January 13, 2021

This happens in middle school, during the last week. We are basically doing nothing in all of our classes, so in homeroom, we watch a movie each day. We have a small homeroom class so the back row of desks is empty and I decide to sit on one of them to see better. After a few minutes, another student does the same and the teacher immediately yells at him to get down.

Classmate: *Pointing at me* “How come he can do it?!”

Teacher: “Because he never does anything!”

At the end of class, some of my classmates actually said they hadn’t even realized I was in there all year since I was so quiet.

I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 37

, , , , | Right | December 28, 2020

My friend and I are at a pet store, shopping for supplies for a brand-new kitten I have just gotten. We’re looking at litter boxes and they’re a little high up. Most people would have to ask for an employee to help, but I am tall enough to reach them, so I’m getting them down myself. While doing this, a disgruntled old lady with a cane comes up to me and my friend.

Old Lady: “Do you know where the liners are?”

Me: “No, uh, we don’t work here.”

Old Lady: “Oh, okay.”

She then wandered off, grumbling about getting no help from nobody and how they should hire better people.

Granted, we were wearing the same colored shirts as the employees. But we had our own cart full of stuff and our shirts didn’t even have the same logo.

I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 36
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 35
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 34
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 33
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 32