For about four years, I worked at a department store that closed down about a month after I left for a new job. (Last I checked, it was used as a [global health crisis] clinic.) I had been hired to work in the shoe department. During my first holiday season there, we had a couple of seasonal workers there.

I was bringing out a box of boots from storage for a customer when I saw the two department managers chatting with one of the temp workers, a religious man. [Manager #1] was sharing pictures of a friend’s ultrasound images of their babies.

The temp worker was weirded out.

Temp Worker: “Those images can’t be real! God makes the face of the baby when they’re born!”

Manager #2: “That proves you never had one.”

I overheard this as I was handing the box of boots to the customer, and right there, in front of everyone, I started laughing like a madman.

I worked in technical theater in college. Often, between the end of my classes and the start of rehearsals, I’d do assignments in the fly loft, a small landing above the stage where people would work the pulleys during shows. 

One afternoon in the second week of my first year, I was doing a problem set in the fly loft while students on stage were painting wall sections for the next show’s set. These were made of plywood and called flats. I tuned out the sounds of busy industry until the technical director’s exasperated voice rose above them:

Technical Director: “[Student], you cannot lift the flat while you are standing on it!”

I don’t think I’ll ever forget that particular quote.

My mother had a long, frustrating experience with a popular nationwide hardware store. She’s looking for a pet-resistant screen to put on our patio. She placed an order a few days ago, but it hasn’t arrived.

Customer service picks up, but the employee is talking to a coworker, complaining about a different customer.

Mom: “Hello?”

The phone hangs up. Mom redials, and the same person picks up.

Customer Service: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How can I help you?”

Mom explains her order.

Customer Service: “Oh, there’s no order here. I guess I could go try and get one off the shelf for you.”

Mom: “I placed an order three days ago. I need this today so I can start my project.”

Customer Service: “Okay, let me see what I can do.”

Mom is put on hold. Several minutes pass.

Customer Service: “I’m still working on it, sweetie.”

Back on hold. Several more minutes pass.

Customer Service: “We don’t have any of those screens in stock. You’ll have to call a different store.”

Mom: *Getting increasingly frustrated* “You’re telling me that, even though I placed an order three days ago, I now have to drive around town going to different [Store] locations to find the product I’ve already paid for?”

Customer Service: “Well, hold on.”

Back on hold. Several minutes pass… and they hang up.

Mom calls back and re-explains everything to the same person.

Customer Service: “Okay! I’ll call you back once I have the information.”

Mom: “Wait, don’t call me on the number on file. That’s my husband and he’s at work. Call me at [phone number].”

Customer Service: “Okay, got it!”

The call ends. Not trusting this customer service rep anymore, Mom chooses to call product service.

Product Service: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How can I help you?”

She explains the order again.

Product Service: “Well, I don’t see an order here… But maybe I can call around to other stores and see if they can get one to you.”

Mom: “You mean I don’t have to drive to one of those stores to get it myself?”

Product Service: “What?! Of course not!”

Mom: “Well, your customer service told me I did.”

Product Service: “Seriously? Okay, let me talk to [Manager] and see what I can do. I’ll call you back once I have the information.”

Mom: “Okay, but don’t call me on the number on file. That’s my husband and he’s at work. Call me at [phone number].”

Product Service: “Got it. Sorry for the inconvenience.”

The call ends. A few minutes later, Mom gets a call from Dad saying that the store called him. Not having time to deal with it, he canceled the order.

Fed up, Mom calls customer service again and gets the same person as before.

Customer Service: “Hello, thank you for calling [Store]. How can I help you?”

Mom: “I’d like to speak with [Manager]. [Product Service] said they were going to talk to him, and I’d like to speak with him directly.”

Customer Service: “Okay, just a moment.”

She’s put on hold again. Several minutes pass…

Customer Service: “Can I help you with something?”

Mom: “…Yes, I’d like to speak with [Manager].”

Customer Service: “Okay, just a second.”

This happens a few more times. Finally, Mom hangs up and calls again.

Mom: “Look, I’ve been hung up on twice, put on hold more times than I can count, and ignored several times. I want you to, right now, walk over and hand this phone to [Manager].”

Customer Service: “I’m sorry. Do you want to speak with the store manager, district manager, or—”

Mom: “I don’t know. All I know is that his name is [Manager].”

Customer Service: “Well, okay… hold on.”

Mom did eventually get in contact with said manager. He canceled her order and refunded her money. This is the first time we’ve dealt with this hardware store in several years and probably the last time for several more!

She’s currently working on the project with a competing hardware store, and they’re being much more cooperative. The manager showed little remorse when Mom informed him everything the customer service worker did to her over the course of these calls.

It’s my first day working at the grocery store, and a trainer is showing me how to stack the shelves.

Trainer: “By the end of the evening, we need to go collect all the abandoned produce from the confectionery aisles.”

Me: “Why is there abandoned produce at the confectionery aisles?”

Trainer: “Actually, it’s mostly green vegetables and ready-made salads.”

Me: “And they’re always abandoned in the confectionery aisle?”

Trainer: “Yup.”

Me: “Why?”

Trainer: “Important life decisions are made in that aisle.”

This took place around 1997 or 1998 when I was around seven or eight old in West Virginia. West Virginia is a conservative, Republican state. Luckily (or unluckily, depending on how you look at it) I was raised by very liberal parents. It probably helped that my dad was from Detroit and my mom lived outside West Virginia for a while before she came back. They had raised me to always look for the good in people and not to go by race, sex, religion, etc.

My dad’s best friend and coworker at the time was a lesbian and I was raised to call her and her partner my aunts, so I knew about gay people and was fine with it. However, I had never known about cross-dressing. We were in a home improvement store and I happened to see a very tall, pretty lady. She was wearing a short blue dress suit with high heels. That’s what made me notice her. Why would you be dressed like that walking in a home improvement store? Then, I noticed something else.

Me: “Mom! Daddy! See over there? That’s a man wearing a dress and high heels! He’s also got a blonde wig on! Why is he dressed like a lady?!”

My dad just looked at me, choking on his laughter.

Dad: “[Mom], you explain to her.”

Then, he walked off.

Mom: “That’s a man who sometimes likes to dress as a woman. There are men that do that; some women like to dress like men, too. Now, [My Name], I think you’ve embarrassed him. The whole store heard you yelling about he was dressed. Next time be quiet! There are people that don’t like people like that man.”

Of course, after she told me that, I felt terrible. I didn’t mean to embarrass him or make him feel like it wasn’t okay to dress that way. So, when I saw him again in another aisle, I did the only logical thing. 

Me: *Very loudly* “Look at how nice he looks! That’s a pretty dress and his hair is pretty! Look how pretty his legs are in those pantyhose!” 

To be fair, he did have pretty legs for a man.

Years later, I asked my parents about that incident. They told me he was a prominent lawyer in that city, was happily married with kids, and liked to do his home improvement shopping while dressed as a woman. To that man, I’m sorry little kid me possibly embarrassed you. But you did look very nice!