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Daylight Saving Misbehaving

, , , , , , , | Related | March 19, 2013

(It’s March, on the Friday before daylight saving.)

Dad: “I hate that we lose an hour this weekend!”

Me: “Oh! It’s daylight saving already? Don’t you mean we gain an hour? You should be happy!”

Dad: “No, we lose an hour.”

Me: “No, we gain an hour! Remember, we lost an hour last time.”

Dad: “We gained an hour last time.”

Me: “No. Remember? Everyone was moaning about it. It’s spring forward, fall back.”

Dad: “Right! Spring forward, fall back. We lose an hour. It’s so exhausting! It messes up our sleep, and the cats don’t know when they should be fed.”

Me: “No, I’m positive we gain an hour. People do their moaning in the spring! You shouldn’t be annoyed. I’m happy now; our sleep will be better! Spring forward, fall back.”

(My dad is looking at me very strangely.)

Dad: “Let’s just wait for the weekend. Then we’ll see.”

(I go back to reading my book. After about 20 minutes, I check my phone to see what time it is. I see the date.)

Me: “Oh, my God! It’s March!”

Dad: “…yes?”

Me: “You were right! We do lose an hour! That sucks!”

Dad: “I told you.”

(There is a long pause.)

Me: “Although, if you consider that I was arguing from the point of view that it was apparently fall, we were both right!”

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Hats Off To Idiocy

, , , | Right | January 18, 2013

(It is New Year’s day/night. I am working the graveyard shift and I have a pair of friends at the store keeping me company. A customer comes in and is casually walking the aisles. My friends and I continue talking, but I keep an eye on him. The customer heads for the door without buying anything, but I notice a hat rack hanging from the ceiling, swinging wildly.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir?”

(The customer stops by the door, holding his jacket closed.)

Customer: “Yeah?”

Me: “I’m really sorry, and I’m sure I’m mistaken, but would you mind opening your jacket?”

Customer: “Why do you want me to do that?”

Me: “Again, I’m sure I’m mistaken, and I do apologize, but I need to make sure you didn’t forget to pay for a hat.”

Customer: “How dare you accuse me of stealing! I don’t have to do what you say!”

Me: “Sir, if you don’t I’ll have to—”

(At this point, the customer darts out the door. I know we’re not supposed to, but I am angry that this guy would steal from me. I hop the counter and start running for the door. The customer sees me and takes off running. I chase him across the parking lot and start across the street after him when my better judgement kicks in. I go back inside, but am surprised to see my friends laughing really hard.)

Me: “What’s so funny?!”

One Of My Friends: “Dude! His car is right there! Parked outside!”

(I call the police, who arrive and check his trunk. The customer had had a busy night, and had stolen from a few other stores. A cop is taking my statement when we see a woman get in the customer’s car and start it up.)

Cop: *to the woman* “What are you doing?”

Woman: “Oh… my husband is drunk and forgot that he had driven the car to the store. I’m just picking it up.”

(Sensing an opportunity, the cop slyly smiles at me, before continuing to speak to the woman.)

Cop: “Okay, go ahead…”

(The woman got in the car and drove off, unwittingly leading the cop to her home. I testified in court a few weeks later.)

This story is part of the New Year’s Day roundup!

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No ID, No Idea, Part 7

, , , , | Right | April 30, 2011

(A young man and two young women approach the lane with several bottles of wine. They are carded. The man is old enough to buy, but the girls aren’t.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t sell to you.”

Customer: “Why not? I’m over 21!”

Me: “But they’re not.”

Customer: “They’re not the ones buying. I am!”

Me: “Then why did you bring them in with you?”

Customer: “Because I didn’t know what kind they liked.”

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Fritzl Be One Of Those Days

, , , , | Right | February 12, 2011

Me: “Hello, sir, welcome to [Fast Food Place]. What would you like today?”

Customer: *stares wide-eyed for a few moments* “Well, aren’t you the most adorable creature I have ever seen!”

Me: “Thank you, sir. Can I interest you in our special today?”

Customer: “I could just steal you and take you home in my wallet to live in my basement! My wife doesn’t like the basement, but it can be quite homey!”

Me: “That’s nice, sir.”

Customer: “Hurry! Into my wallet before anyone else decides to steal you!”

This story is part of our Need For Hazard Pay roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

15 Times Employees Were Pushed So Far They Had To Quit!


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Peppering The Truth With Lies

, , , | Right | August 16, 2010

Customer: “Can I get a peppermint tea, please?”

Me: “Okay, what size of mint tea would you like?”

Customer: “I want a large and I want a peppermint tea. Not a mint tea.”

Me: “They are both the same thing.”

Customer: “No, they aren’t! Peppermint tea has pepper in it!”

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