(I get a call from a client about a wedding package I am designing.)

Me: “Hello! Have you finalized your color scheme?”

Client: “Well, no.” *begins sobbing* “We had a fight, and I called off the wedding. I don’t need the invitations.”

Me: “Ah. I’m very sorry to hear this, ma’am. I’ll waive my fees. Don’t worry about paying me.”

Client: “No, I’ll pay for your work. I was wondering if you could change the text, though.”

Me: “To what?”

Client: “It has to say ‘You’re Invited To [Ex-Fiance’s] Funeral.’ And I’m thinking a hideously bright pink.”

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Me: “Thank you for calling [Bridal Store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I bought a bridesmaid’s dress from you a few days ago and I need to return it.”

Me: “Okay. Well, our dresses are non-returnable, but we could do an exchange, or I could give you store credit. May I ask why you need to return the dress?”

Customer: “The wedding was canceled.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll see what I can do. Can I have the bride’s name, please?”

(She gives me the bride’s name and I find that the bride hasn’t called to tell us the wedding is canceled.)

Me: “I’m looking at the information now, but it looks like the bride hasn’t told us the wedding is canceled.”

Customer: “Yeah… that’s because she doesn’t know yet.”

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(We shot a wedding after dark and in the rain last year. When the happy couple met with me to pick up their photos the conversation went like this…)

Bride: “I am so disappointed that there are no beautiful sunset pictures, like on your website.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that, but if you remember correctly the weather was terrible, and you got married in the dark.”

Bride: “Yeah, but we paid you a lot of money!”

Me: “I would charge a lot more money if I could turn back time and change the weather.”

Bride: “All of the other weddings we saw on your website have beautiful sunsets!”

Me: “We took those photos at sunset, before it got dark, and it wasn’t raining.”

Bride: “I’m sick of your slick excuses. You have an answer for everything!”

(This conversation went on, round and round like this, for an hour. The mom called and we had the exact same conversation!)

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