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Read It And Weep

| Related | July 26, 2012

(We are sitting down for a meal at my Aunt and Uncle’s wedding reception. My sister is about 12.)

Mum: “I wonder what we’re having for lunch.”

Me: “Let’s see…” *picks up menu*

Sister: “No, I want to read it! We’re having pain fried beast of duck, with asbestos and coffin!”

(It said pan fried breast of duck with asparagus. I don’t even know where she got coffin from.)

Get To The Punch Line

| Romantic | July 4, 2012

(It’s my boyfriend’s sisters wedding, and we’ve been together for almost two years. His younger sisters are both in relationships as well, and we’re all anticipating the awful ‘who’s next’ jokes.)

Me: *quietly, to my boyfriend* “So, what’s the plan of action if anyone asks when
we’re getting married?”

Boyfriend: *equally quietly* “Punch them.”

(After the ceremony, the groom’s grandfather is talking to us.)

Grandfather: *jokingly* “So, when are you two getting married?”

Boyfriend: *to me* “Go on, punch him!”

(Thankfully, he wasn’t serious, and the grandfather thought it was hilarious!)

This story is part of the Wedding roundup!

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A Rehearsal Reversal

, | Romantic | May 19, 2012

(My uncle, the baby in his family, is finally getting married. The whole thing takes place on Orcas Island, which meant we all had to take ferries over from the mainland. My grandmother, his mother, is notoriously bad at finding the right train/bus/boat to get her wherever she needs to go, and sure enough, she lets on the wrong ferry and now has to take a much later one. As a result, she is missing the rehearsal dinner.)

Dinner Guest: “Where’s [Uncle]? Cold feet already?”

Bride: “He had to go pick up his mom from the ferry. There was some confusion about the ferry schedule, I think, but they should be back soon.”

Dinner Guest: “Well, I don’t know if I’d want to marry a man who missed his own rehearsal dinner. Aren’t you upset about it?”

Bride: “Why would I want to marry a man who WOULDN’T skip a party to go pick up his mother? If he hadn’t gone, I would have. So, no, I’m not upset to be marrying a wonderful, family-oriented man!”

This story is part of the Wedding roundup!

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Names Are All Relative

| Related | May 1, 2012

(My mother’s family is quite large, and we keep in touch with many distant family members as well, increasing the pool of names. A cousin of mine has been married for several years and it is still an entertaining pastime for the rest of us to test her husband on everyone’s names. For this particular wedding, one of my three sisters was in Italy.)

Cousin-in-law: “So where’s your sister?”

Me: “Which one?”

(My other two sisters are sitting at the table directly behind him.)

Cousin-in-law: “…the one that isn’t here.”

Me: “Not good enough.”

Cousin-in-law: “Please don’t do this to me.”

This story is part of our Terrible Cousins roundup!

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The Birds And The Busybodies

| Related | February 27, 2012

(I’m 22, and I am at my wedding reception.)

Mom: “Now, honey. You know you can always come talk to me whenever you’re having troubles.”

Me: “Okay, mom.”

Mom: “Especially after you decide to have children. I give great advice! When I worked at the hospital, all my coworkers there said I gave the best advice.”

Me: “Okay, mom. I’ll let you know.”

Mom: *leans in close to me, and starts to whisper loudly* “You know what you have to do to have babies, right?”

Me: “Yes mom, I know where babies come from…”