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Three Sheets To The Wind And None Left For The Wedding

, , , , , , , | Related | December 27, 2021

When my fiancée and I got engaged, her parents invited my parents and me to their house for a meal to celebrate and to try and get to know them a bit better.

I offered to drive my parents and noticed that they were fairly “merry” when I collected them, but unfortunately, I didn’t realise just how drunk they actually were until weeks later.

My wife and I hadn’t discussed any wedding costs with them at this point, and although her parents had offered to put something toward it, we had assumed that we would pay most of the cost ourselves. However, on the drive to my in-laws’ house, my parents grandly announced that they insisted on paying for half the wedding.

They refused to hear of it when I told them that their offer was far too generous, and then they made the same announcement to my fiancée and my future in-laws several times over the course of the night.

My fiancée and I ended up planning a relatively small event. In the course of planning, we both sent my parents some of the plan information and some initial estimates by email and messenger, which they typically made some polite but non-committal comments about.

Then, I visited them one weekend and had this conversation with my Dad.

Dad: “Why are you sending us all this information? It’s nice that you want to keep your Mum in the loop, but the financial stuff seems like it would be a bit personal.”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Dad: “Well, why do we need to know what this is costing you?”

Me: *Laughs* “Good one.”

Dad: “I don’t see what’s so funny about this. You don’t actually expect us to pay for any of this, do you?”

Me: “Are you being serious right now? We didn’t ask you for a penny! You offered and actually insisted on paying for half! We’ve been actively trying to keep the price down to avoid asking you for too much.”

Dad: “Rubbish. If you can’t afford to get married, then you shouldn’t be getting married.”

My mum later insisted on giving us a gift toward the total cost, but I was told that since my sister had eloped without getting married, they would need to give her the same amount of money as anything they spent on us, so they couldn’t afford too much for that reason. 

From offering to pay for half the wedding, their gift was reduced to a small contribution, which they then later reduced further to paying a token toward the cost of the reception. They didn’t have any change in circumstances and are fairly well-off; they were just so drunk on the night of the meal that they made an extravagant offer but didn’t remember making it. My parents are alcoholics and I knew they were drunk, but this was the first time that either of them had done anything like this.

Whilst I was grateful for any gift, having to explain all of this to my fiancée and in-laws — specifically that my parents weren’t keeping their promise because they had been so drunk that they didn’t even remember making it — was one of the most embarrassing experiences of my life.

Dad’s Lucky HE’S Still Invited

, , , , | Related | November 29, 2021

I got married at the weekend. As anyone who’s ever done it knows, wedding planning is one of the most stressful and exhausting things you can experience for something so happy. A large part of that is down to having to play family politics for every single decision. There’s a reason Wedding Planner is a full-time job!

My dad started by saying that it was OUR wedding, and we could do things the way WE wanted. We shouldn’t listen to what anyone else said, especially as we were paying for it all ourselves. But then, he found out I wasn’t inviting his incredibly flaky best friend, who hasn’t spoken to me since I stopped living with my parents and has never had a conversation with my now-husband.

Dad: “But you have to invite [Friend]! He’s my best friend!”

Me: “Right, he’s your best friend. He’s not made any attempt to contact me in nearly four years and he doesn’t even know [Husband]’s name.”

Dad: “That’s not the point! He invited you to his wedding!”

Me: “Yes, he invited me as your child, not as myself. He didn’t invite [Husband] because, as I already told you, he doesn’t know [Husband]. And I think his wedding day is the only time I’ve met his wife! I couldn’t pick her out of a crowd. Also, it wouldn’t just be [Friend]. It would be [Friend], [Friend]’s wife, and two children under five! We’ve already gone over the limit for the number of guests we can invite, and you want me to add four more people to the list?!”

Dad: “But you’re inviting [Friend]’s sister and her family! How can you invite her and not [Friend]?!”

Me: “[Friend’s Sister] is my godmother! She deliberately chose to play an active role in my life, texts me regularly, and invites me to her kids’ birthday and Christmas parties. She’s coming to my hen do because she’s like a big sister to me! She knows [Husband]’s name and has even met his parents! This is his wedding, as well, don’t forget, and he doesn’t know [Friend] at all!”

Rinse and repeat various similar arguments for at least half an hour, until…

Dad: “But I’ve already told him when it is! I told him the invite would be in the post!”

Aha! That’s why you’re so worried about this; you want to protect your pride!

Me: “Well, that’s not my fault. I never told you I was going to invite him, and I’ve not given you the okay to give the details out yet.”

This carried on for quite a while with my dad screaming and getting angry like a toddler. Eventually, he resorted to emotional blackmail and started yelling at my mum, calling her a “liar” and worse because he thought she had “been in on it” and was deliberately keeping it from him. When he started on that, I caved. I can’t stand it when he’s like that to Mum, especially when it’s not her fault.

The punchline is that his friend, the one that was “so important to this family,” that he couldn’t be without, and who had been given the date of our wedding weeks before anyone else, didn’t even come. Being the total flake that he was, he forgot the date Dad had told him, and he didn’t mention it to his wife, who went ahead and booked a holiday. He then lost the invite when we eventually sent it, and we found out after the RSVP date that his wife didn’t even know we’d invited them — nor did she expect to be invited because, you know, we hardly know them. My dad couldn’t understand why I was fuming.

Whilst this wasn’t the last stunt he pulled to get his own way at our wedding, it was the first and last time he tried to influence the guest list. And he still doesn’t get why we live so far away.

Some People Need Lessons In Consent

, , , , , | Friendly | October 25, 2021

I am at a wedding with my boyfriend and I’m wearing a dress since it’s in the summer. I have multiple tattoos, but the most prominent is on one of my legs from my hip down past my knee. My dress is modest and goes from mid- to lower thigh. 

My boyfriend and I are chatting with other guests when a lady I don’t know walks up and starts chatting with us. 

Lady: “Oh, my, that tattoo on your leg must have hurt. It is pretty, though. What does it mean?”

Me: “Thank you. Some of it is just because I think it looks nice. The other part is in memory of my grandmother.”

Lady: “That is very nice.”

This seems to be the end of the conversation, and I turn back to my boyfriend. All of sudden, this lady LIFTS MY DRESS up to my stomach to see the rest of the tattoo. Being in a public place with many people around, this is highly inappropriate — not to mention thinking it is okay to expose a stranger you’ve never met before and touch them without permission. 

I am livid. I slap the lady’s hand away and start yelling. 

Me: “Who in the heck do you think you are, touching me and exposing me to all these people?! Never touch me again, and stay away from me.”

Lady: “I don’t know what the big deal is. Don’t get tattoos if you don’t want people looking at them.”

Boyfriend: “There is a difference between looking and grabbing my girlfriend’s clothes off of her!”

My boyfriend then guided me away from the situation because I was still fuming. This is why I rarely wear clothes in public that reveal my tattoos; some people have zero respect for personal space. Don’t get me wrong. I will always talk with people and explain my tattoos if they ask respectfully. This lady crossed a line and still gives me shudders to this day.

This Guy Is A Total Zero

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: SnooDonuts5467 | October 14, 2021

My mum has a catering company, and when she has a big job, as it’s a family-run business, she will ask my sister and me to help out now and again when she needs it. We’re not fans of it because we don’t like people, but it’s my mum’s baby and we love her. This particular time it is a very chill wedding with an assembly line where we are divvying out my mum’s delicious food.

I can hear this guy in the line loudly talking about how no one wanted to be his date for the wedding, poor him, he’s such a nice guy, etc. He gets to my mum in line.

Guy: “This good looks wonderful! Are you the owner?”

Mum: “Yes. And my two lovely daughters are helping me today.”

The guy looks at me and then my sister.

Guy: “Well, one of them is lovely, at least.”

My mum, taken aback, continues on as if he hasn’t spoken and serves him. He gets to my sister — the lovely one.

Guy: “You’re so beautiful. How does it feel to be the typical, beautiful younger sister?”

She gives him a basilisk stare.

Sister: “Do you want a bread roll?”

The man doesn’t want to hold up the line, despite clearly wanting to carry on speaking to my sister, and he gets to me.

Guy: “I rate you about a four out of ten. How awful it must be for you to have a sister who’s a ten out of ten!”

I don’t think I’m ugly, and I do think my sister is beautiful, but we look very different. She is very slim, athletic, and tanned with bleach blonde hair with conker-coloured (brown) eyes whereas I have an hourglass figure, pale skin, and grey eyes, and I’m heavily tattooed, so I am aware I’m an acquired taste.

I’m not offended that he thinks my sister is beautiful — I think she’s beautiful — however, I am offended that he thinks we want his “assembly line” commentary, especially when he looks like a human version of Sea Biscuit.

I lean back.

Me: “You’re the guy without a date, right?”

I can see my mum twitching like, “Please, for the love of God, don’t be too harsh.”

He’s grinning at me with his friends all proud of himself.

Me: “I wonder which one it is — if it’s your lack of manners, looks, or personality that stopped you from getting a date when every else has one?”

I pause to put some food on his plate, and then I hand it back to him and smile.

Me: “I imagine it’s all three. Also, despite being a ‘four’, I’ve never not had a date for a function. Have a good day now.”

I never got to hear his response, as the line needed to get moving; however, the guy’s smile was now gone. Such a shame. I didn’t get told off by my mum. Maybe now he’ll have a better approach to women. I doubt it, though.

This story is part of our Best Of October 2021 roundup!

Read the next Best Of October 2021 roundup story!

Read the Best Of October 2021 roundup!

Weird Rehearsal, Good Wedding, Right?

, , , , , , | Related | September 13, 2021

I am a bridesmaid in a dear friend’s wedding, and we are at the rehearsal the night before the wedding. It’s a fairly laid-back atmosphere and the officiant is just walking us through the steps of the ceremony.

Officiant: “All right, so then it’s time for the vows. Repeat after me: I, [Groom].”

Groom: “Hello!”

We all laugh; typical [Groom], a bit of a goofball.

Officiant: “Right, okay, let’s try again. Repeat after me. I, [Groom]…”

Groom: “’Sup.”

Now comes general confusion.

Officiant: “[Groom]. Repeat after me. I, [Groom]…”

The groom looks incredibly confused.

Bride: “Oh, my God, [Groom], say it back!”

Groom: “Hi, [Officiant]!”

Wedding Party: “NO!”

It turns out [Groom] was somehow hearing, “Hi, [Groom],” not, “I, [Groom],” which led to the confusion. We all laugh about his obliviousness and move on. As the rehearsal progresses, we come to the ring exchange.

Officiant: “Now, I know you have the rings in boxes right now, but tomorrow they’re going to need to be out of the boxes when you hand them to me. So, you’ll need to practice that. Okay, so, may I have the rings?”

The best man immediately hands over the rings in their boxes. We all groan. The bridesmaid next to me leans over

Bridesmaid: “Is that [Groom]’s brother?”

The answer, dear readers, is yes. It must be at least a little genetic. The wedding went wonderfully, though. This is why you have a rehearsal!