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Ends With Benefits

| Romantic | October 10, 2011

(I am working as a photographer at a wedding. This happens during the Random Guest Shots portion of the evening. Note that I have a somewhat unusual accent.)

Me: “Hi, can I get some shots of you guys?”

Slightly drunk female guest: “Sure! I looove your accent!”

Me: “Thanks!”

Slightly drunk female guest: “Hey, where is your accent from?”

Me: “Uh, my mom.”

Slightly drunk female guest: “Cool! I got my big ass from my mom!”

Dyed With Fresh Afterbirth

, , | Right | July 13, 2011

Me: “Thank you for calling [Bridal Shop]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I was told I could pay for my dress over the phone. I can’t remember the style number but I know the color.”

Me: “No problem, I should be able to look it up for you. Is this a bridesmaid dress or a bridal gown?”

Customer: “I’m a bridesmaid. I know the color is placenta.”

(Thinking I misheard her, I move forward.)

Me: “What is the bride’s name?”

(I get her information and pull up the wish list.)

Me: “Okay, I see that the bride has selected style 1234 in persimmon. Also, we have that you need a size 12.”

Customer: “Um, I think you have the color wrong. The bride told me it’s placenta.”

Me: “Well, it may be that she misread our catalog or just mispronounced it when she was talking with you, but she definitely put persimmon in her wish list.”

Customer: “Are you sure she didn’t pick placenta and somebody put the wrong color in the computer?”

Me: “I can assure you that we do not carry a color called placenta.”

Customer: “Well, I’m gonna call her and make sure she knows you put that persnickety color on her file instead of placenta! I’ll call you back.”


This story is part of the Wedding roundup!

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Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Pink

, , , , , , | Right | June 28, 2010

(I get a call from a client about a wedding package I am designing.)

Me: “Hello! Have you finalized your color scheme?”

Client: “Well, no.” *begins sobbing* “We had a fight, and I called off the wedding. I don’t need the invitations.”

Me: “Ah. I’m very sorry to hear this, ma’am. I’ll waive my fees. Don’t worry about paying me.”

Client: “No, I’ll pay for your work. I was wondering if you could change the text, though.”

Me: “To what?”

Client: “It has to say ‘You’re Invited To [Ex-Fiance’s] Funeral.’ And I’m thinking a hideously bright pink.”


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The Wedding Veil Of Secrecy

, , | Right | December 30, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling [Bridal Store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I bought a bridesmaid’s dress from you a few days ago and I need to return it.”

Me: “Okay. Well, our dresses are non-returnable, but we could do an exchange, or I could give you store credit. May I ask why you need to return the dress?”

Customer: “The wedding was canceled.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll see what I can do. Can I have the bride’s name, please?”

(She gives me the bride’s name and I find that the bride hasn’t called to tell us the wedding is canceled.)

Me: “I’m looking at the information now, but it looks like the bride hasn’t told us the wedding is canceled.”

Customer: “Yeah… that’s because she doesn’t know yet.”


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The Sun Is Such A Slacker Sometimes

, , , , , | Right | July 1, 2008

(We shot a wedding after dark and in the rain last year. When the happy couple met with me to pick up their photos the conversation went like this…)

Bride: “I am so disappointed that there are no beautiful sunset pictures, like on your website.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that, but if you remember correctly the weather was terrible, and you got married in the dark.”

Bride: “Yeah, but we paid you a lot of money!”

Me: “I would charge a lot more money if I could turn back time and change the weather.”

Bride: “All of the other weddings we saw on your website have beautiful sunsets!”

Me: “We took those photos at sunset, before it got dark, and it wasn’t raining.”

Bride: “I’m sick of your slick excuses. You have an answer for everything!”

(This conversation went on, round and round like this, for an hour. The mom called and we had the exact same conversation!)


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