A Fresh Bouquet Of Fate

| Related | September 29, 2015

(I’m 17, and it’s right after my sister’s wedding so it’s time for her to toss the bouquet. I’m fairly tall with a long reach, so I manage to reach out and snag it right away, but the moment my hand touches it my father pops up and bellows:)

Dad: *in a panicked tone* “[My Name], NO! YOU PUT THAT BACK RIGHT NOW!”

Sister: “It’s too late. Let her go, dad!”

Dad: “NO! I’m too broke for this!”

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A Generation Gap

| Related | July 14, 2015

(It’s our wedding day, and at the reception, the videographer is asking my new in-laws for a message to give us.)

Mother-In-Law: “And I hope you have lots and lots of grandchildren!”

Father-In-Law: “Shouldn’t they have children first?”

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Going Into A Song And Dance Over It

| Romantic | June 15, 2015

(The dancing for everyone at our wedding reception has just started; my new husband and I are on the dance floor.)

Me: “Great song!”

Husband: *smiles* “Yeah, it is!”

(The next song starts.)

Me: “Oh, man, I love this song!”

Husband: *gives me a funny look*

(The next song starts.)

Me: “I love this song, too!”

Husband: *laughing at me*

Me: “What’s so funny?”

Husband: “[My Name], we literally spent a month not only picking out every single song the DJ is going to play but also the order he’s going to play them in!”

Me: “…Oh, yeah. Well, our great taste in music is one of the reasons we’re perfect for each other!”

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Bracing For Childbirth

| Friendly | March 29, 2015

(My husband and I are attending the wedding of one of his coworkers. This coworker is in his late 40s. He and I had braces at the same time, although I had them for a much longer time. I finally had to ask my orthodontist to just take them off, because I was a couple weeks away from having a baby, and didn’t want to deal with them and a newborn.)

Coworker: “[Wife], come look! She got her braces off!”

Coworker’s Wife: “Hey, your teeth look so good!”

Coworker: “Yeah, she had the braces on for so long! And the baby came out with braces, too!”

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Family Is The Gift That Keeps On Taking

| Related | March 20, 2015

(I am a 27-year-old male. My mother and I have had an extremely rocky relationship, but it seems to have been getting much better over the past few years. She helps out over the run up to my wedding – although it does give her a bit of an attitude, and even on the day she is making me feel like a chastised child. After the first dance, my new husband and I follow all our friends outside to get some fresh air, and I return a few moments later to considerable bustle in the function room.)

Me: “I… Mum, what’s going on? What are you doing?”

Mother: *she is hosting a family BBQ that night; our wedding was in the morning* “I have to go. I have loads to do for tonight. Help me clear off the tables so I can take the tablecloths.”

(I am so stunned and had been talked down to so much by her that day that I just do as she asks without question, removing all the flowers she has bought for the tables. Then I realise this is completely unnecessary.)

Me: “Mum, leave it. Look, we’re staying for at least another hour and a half, maybe longer. [Best Couple] can drop off the tablecloths and anything else tonight. Please, just leave it.”

Mother: “…All right, fine, but don’t forget this, and they need to be put in the bags they came in, and…”

(As she is giving me instructions on the chores she expects me to do on my wedding day, I look at the table which had had gifts and cards, almost all of which are from friends, and almost all of which are missing.)

Me: “Mum, where are our presents?!”

Mother: “Oh, your dad took them out to the car.”

Me: “He what?! Did you not think to ask?! We were going to open them in front of our friends! Most of them are from them, and we can show you them later, but they won’t get another chance!”

Mother: *very huffy* “Well, then, you’d better go and get them back from your dad, hadn’t you? The basket the cards were in is mine, though. I’m taking that now.”

(Completely aghast at the behaviour of my mother, I managed to retrieve the cards and presents from my stepfather – who was just as gracious about it as my mother was. All our friends stayed while my mother left with the decorations she had brought, the bottles of wine my grandmother had paid for, and almost left with the tablecloths and our presents and cards! Thankfully the weather was beautiful and the mood of the entire afternoon lifted by my family leaving, and the rest of the day was absolutely fantastic. Our friends were awesome enough to make up for my family, so the day had a happy ending.)

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