Client: “Can we make the rectangle shape the same blue as the logo?”
Me: “Sure thing! I’ve changed the bar to the blue.”
Client: “Great. Now, can we put the logo on top of the bar?”
Me: “We could, but they’re the exactly same color.”
Client: “I know, it will match perfectly!”
Client: “I want you to change some of the wording in the ticker.”
Me: “The… ticker?”
Client: “The ticker tape. The words that go all across.”
Me: “Like, an animated scroll on the site? I didn’t make anything like that. Did you add a plugin or something?”
Client: “No, you designed it. Where it says ‘Home’, ‘About Us’, ‘Contact’, etc.”
Me: “The menu?”
Clients use the wrong terms all the time, that’s fine. What’s weird is that I’ve worked with this client for years, and they’ve always used “menu” correctly before.
I was working with two clients: a man and his granddaughter. I was rebuilding the man’s website and online store, while his granddaughter acted as a technology translator and go-between. The grandfather ranted to me numerous times that Millennials are ruining everything because they’re so ungrateful, spoiled, rude, and demanding. His granddaughter was a recently licensed chemical engineer, and I was rebuilding his precious site. He seemed oblivious that both she and I were Millennials.
We had a meeting arranged for the afternoon, but unfortunately, I developed a cluster migraine around lunch. I don’t know how much you know about those, but there is no carrying on when you have one. I sent an email to both the grandfather and granddaughter explaining why I had to cancel.
I received two very different responses.
Granddaughter: “It’s okay! Migraines run in my family, too. We completely understand. Feel better soon!”
Grandfather: “UNACCEPTABLE! THIS IS COMPLETELY UNPROFESSIONAL OF YOU TO CANCEL LIKE THIS! I SHOULD FIND SOMEBODY ELSE TO BUILD MY SITE! THIS IS SO TYPICAL OF A MILLENNIAL! I SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT COMING! YOU’RE USELESS, AND I DEMAND A REFUND!”
Yes, sir, the Millennials sure are the rude and demanding ones.
Client: “I want the color of the site background to be the same as the picture I just sent you.”
Me: “That’s the picture with the distressed brick wall with peeling paint and graffiti on it?”
Client: “Yes, that one. I want that color as the background.”
Me: “Do you mean you want me to make that brick wall the background graphic of the site?”
Client: “No, no, no. I mean just sample the color of the brick wall, and use that as the background color.”
Me: “…”
Client: “It’s simple: just use the color sampling whatchama thing in Photoshop, and then use that color.”
Me: “That’s not how it works. There are millions of pixels in that photo, each with a different color. The reason you like it is that all those colors together create a pleasing effect, but even if I average a small area, all you are going to get is some sort of brown or orange/yellow. It will never look like the actual brick wall.”
Client: “Just do the sampling and send me some of the colors. I’ll pick the best.”
A day passes, and I send him a few samples.
Client: “Those colors look nothing like the brick wall photo.”
Me: “That’s what I was trying to tell you. You cannot sample a color out of something as complex as a brick wall and get the same effect.”
Client: “You just don’t know how to do it properly. I’ll do it for you and send you the color.”
Another day passes, and then another. I know this client has Photoshop but has never learned it, so very likely, he is using Illustrator to do the job.
Client: “I couldn’t get a good color out of that picture. But I found another picture of a brick wall on [Stock Photo Site]. Use that. Maybe it’ll work better.”
Me: “…”
Eventually, he had to admit that I was right after all. We have been working together for over eight years; you’d think he’d trust my judgment and experience by now.
A solar company hired me to build a “basic” website.
Client: “Can we have it where the website is dark when they first arrive and then slowly gets brighter — like the sun is rising on the website?”
Me: “Does your monitor have a brightness setting?”
Client: “Very funny. But really, can we?”
Me: “No.”
Client: “Okay. How about a place on the homepage where our installers can stream their thoughts on solar?”
Me: “Sure, just send me the copy.”
Client: “No, you don’t understand. I want their thoughts to stream live onto the website.”
Me: “Are they the Terminator? Will it stream through Skynet?”
Client: “You’re fired.”
Me: “Good.”
