I’m working on a dynamic website that recalculates Gantt charts from a project server for interrelated projects. There are thousands of projects, each with thousands of steps that can have hundreds of states. Every step changed modifies the overall project timeline across thousands of projects. Every project is modified several times a day.

Client: “Why does it take forty-five seconds to display a page?”

Me: “Because it calculates the project timeline on all of the current entries on the project server. The project server has no way of knowing what the current state of the project timeline is until it does the calculation because the projects are constantly being modified. The calculation is initiated when you load the page, and it takes about forty-five seconds.”

Client: “Why don’t you precalculate every possible permutation across every project and simply write out a page that reflects that state, and instead of calculating it every time, you just display the page that matches?”

Me: *Doing the math in my head* “The number of possible output pages would exceed the number of atoms in the known universe. In addition, to precalculate it all would require a supercomputer running for thousands of years.”

Client: *Patronizing* “So? A web page is just bits on a hard drive, not actual physical atoms. All you have to do is buy some more hard drives and some more CPUs. You should know this.”

Me: “…”

I was building a new website for a client, and I was asked to also set up their new email address. I did what I could on my end, and then I created a step-by-step guide to setting up a personal email address AND adding it to their Outlook account.

I thought it was a simple, user-friendly process. Until this client called me.

Client: “Okay, how do I access my email?”

Me: “Did you follow the guide I sent you?”

Client: “Yes, but I can’t find my email.”

Me: “Are you at the computer you set it up on?”

Client: “Yes.”

Me: “What email client are you using?”

Client: “…”

Me: “The program you use to access your other email?”

Client: “Oh, Outlook!”

Me: “And this is what you entered when you followed the guide?”

Client: “I think so.”

Me: “Did you have problems following the guide? Did the instructions match up to what you were seeing in Outlook?”

Client: “Was I supposed to do something in Outlook?”

Me: “I thought you said you followed the guide.”

Client: “That link you sent me? I filled in the email address and clicked on Outlook. After that, everything looked correct, so I closed the window. Didn’t that set up my email?”

Me: “No. That was the guide to tell you how to set up your email. Do you have TeamViewer?”

Client: “What’s that?”

Me: “…Never mind. I’ll come over and set up your email.”

Client: “Can we make the rectangle shape the same blue as the logo?”

Me: “Sure thing! I’ve changed the bar to the blue.”

Client: “Great. Now, can we put the logo on top of the bar?”

Me: “We could, but they’re the exactly same color.”

Client: “I know, it will match perfectly!”

Client: “I want you to change some of the wording in the ticker.”

Me: “The… ticker?”

Client: “The ticker tape. The words that go all across.”

Me: “Like, an animated scroll on the site? I didn’t make anything like that. Did you add a plugin or something?”

Client: “No, you designed it. Where it says ‘Home’, ‘About Us’, ‘Contact’, etc.”

Me: “The menu?”

Clients use the wrong terms all the time, that’s fine. What’s weird is that I’ve worked with this client for years, and they’ve always used “menu” correctly before.

I was working with two clients: a man and his granddaughter. I was rebuilding the man’s website and online store, while his granddaughter acted as a technology translator and go-between. The grandfather ranted to me numerous times that Millennials are ruining everything because they’re so ungrateful, spoiled, rude, and demanding. His granddaughter was a recently licensed chemical engineer, and I was rebuilding his precious site. He seemed oblivious that both she and I were Millennials.

We had a meeting arranged for the afternoon, but unfortunately, I developed a cluster migraine around lunch. I don’t know how much you know about those, but there is no carrying on when you have one. I sent an email to both the grandfather and granddaughter explaining why I had to cancel.

I received two very different responses.

Granddaughter: “It’s okay! Migraines run in my family, too. We completely understand. Feel better soon!”

Grandfather: “UNACCEPTABLE! THIS IS COMPLETELY UNPROFESSIONAL OF YOU TO CANCEL LIKE THIS! I SHOULD FIND SOMEBODY ELSE TO BUILD MY SITE! THIS IS SO TYPICAL OF A MILLENNIAL! I SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT COMING! YOU’RE USELESS, AND I DEMAND A REFUND!”

Yes, sir, the Millennials sure are the rude and demanding ones.