Me: “You said earlier you wanted me to build your business website?”

Client: “Yes, I still want to do the same.”

Me: “What’s your budget?”

Client: “I have 500 business cards with me. Are you interested?”

Client: “We like your proposal and enthusiasm, but we really can’t afford you. How much would you charge to rent out your computer?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Client: “Our sales manager is pretty creative. We could just have him come to your office on a Saturday or something and knock this thing out.”

Me: “You don’t want to hire me, but instead want to… rent… my computer?”

Client: “Yeah. And you could be there. You know, to give him some tips if he gets stuck. Maybe toss in a creative idea or two. In fact, we’ll do all of the work and still use your creative ideas. It’s a win-win!”

I got this text from one of my clients at about 11:00 pm on a Thursday night.

Client: “My a**e hurts.”

I deliberated for hours about whether I should text back or not, knowing that the client would realize at some point that he had accidentally sent such a personal text to his web designer. In the end, I chose to ignore it. We haven’t spoken since.

Client: “I don’t want to use non-moving buttons on the website for navigation. Buttons are going the way of the dinosaur.”

Me: “What would you like me to use?”

Client: “A looping movie where the customer has to click on the fast-moving objects to navigate through the site. It will keep them on their toes.”

Me: “…”

Client: “Find four images attached to this mail; just choose the two you think fit best on the website!”

Fifteen minutes later:

Me: “Thanks! You can look at it here.” *Sends the URL*

Client: “You’ve chosen the wrong two images!”