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I Usually Go To Bing First

, , | Right | May 15, 2022

I had a potential client that asked me to stop by their office for a consultation on redesigning their current website. When she offered to show me her current site this is what she did (and I wish I was exaggerating).

She opened Internet Explorer, which defaulted to Google’s site. In the Google search field, she typed in “Yahoo . com”, clicked Search, and in the results, clicked the Yahoo paid ad. Then, in Yahoo’s search box, she entered her website’s URL, clicked Search, and in Yahoo’s results, she clicked the third link from the top.

Me: “Do you do this every time?”

Client: “How else do you expect me to find my website?!”

“Black”… “Bright”… Riiiiiight…

, , , , | Right | May 12, 2022

A client asked me to build a website with very specific colors (grey and white) and even gave me a website to base the design on. Then:

Client: “There isn’t enough color on the site.”

Me: “But you specifically asked for only grey and white.”

Client: “I know, but it doesn’t have enough color.”

Me: “Okay, we’ll tweak the original idea. Did you have any colours in mind?”

Client: “Let’s go with something bright and matching.”

Me: “Luckily, almost any color will go with white and grey as the base palette.”

Client: “How about black?”

Me: “…especially black.”

Oh, We’ll Take It Down. We’ll Take It ALL Down.

, , | Right | May 7, 2022

Client: “Please upload a current copy of the video so I can review it.”

The next day…

Client: “Take the video down immediately! It’s incomplete!”

Me: “I know. You said you wanted to see the current cut. We still need to–”

Client: “The whole world can see it and it reflects badly on our company!”

Me: “It’s an unlisted video. No one can view it unless they have the direct link.”

Client: “I was able to view the video. Take it down!”

Me: “I sent you the direct link. You and I are the only ones who can see it unless you share the link.”

Client: “Take. It. Down.”

The client messaged me the next day asking where he could see the latest cut of the video. I fired him. 

The Dumbest Kind Of Pirate

, , , | Right | April 29, 2022

I’m on the phone with an acquaintance of my boss. They want to host a server with all of the music they’ve copied from CDs, pirated, or downloaded from iTunes.

Me: “Legally, I need to sway you from starting a website that charges people to download all of the music you’ve copied off of your CDs.“

Client: “What? Why? There are all kinds of places you can get music for free. iTunes charges. I’m like iTunes!”

Me: “No, iTunes has paid for licensing to distribute the music and make a profit off it.“

Client: “Whatever, I’ll just get one of those… Now, on to the design. I want it to look exactly like iTunes so people think they are using them. Can we even get a web address that’s similar? Something like uTunes or iMusic.”

Me: “You know Steve Jobs enjoys suing people, right?“

Client: “Who?”

Respect My Time And I’ll Consider Respecting Your Needs

, , , , | Right | April 28, 2022

Client: “We’re moving to another host; you need to help us!”

Me: “I’d love to, but my wife is in labor right now.”

Client: “Do you understand our website is down?